My WW never ceases to amaze me. The depths of her entitlement show no end...I cannot believe I could have known and loved someone for such a long time, and not seen this side to her.

I had a very disturbing meeting with my attorney on Friday, during which we went over my STBXWW's and my separate inventories...

She is trying to claim many debts, like her school loans, are community property that very obviously are not...and she is trying to screw me out of as much of the house as possible as well...

This is after taking into consideration of the fact that I moved us and my company TWICE - from Houston to Philly and then from Philly to Los Angeles - just so she could follow her dream of becoming a foot doctor. If you look at our spending patterns, I would estimate that she out spent me 3-1, probably more. I supported her without fail, put my dreams on hold, and did everything possible to lighten her load during her school years...then she drops me like a hot rock. Do I have "SUCKER" stamped across my forehead?

I really can't understand how she can look at herself in the mirror in the morning and not feel any guilt. I know if the tables were turned, I would be giving her anything she wanted out of some desire to at least attempt to right the betrayal of our bond. Or at the very least, split everything straight down the middle...but she now wants to hit me again???

I am absolutely at a loss for words...how can someone either (a)pull the wool over my eyes for so very long, or (b)change into an entirely different person, with entirely different morals, within such a short period of time?

Sheesh.

Kinda makes me lose faith in all of humanity. I also now do not trust my inherent ability to judge a person's character...apparently my meter is miscalibrated too much to the trusting side...I just hate that I may come away from this a cold, callous, calculating, cover-my-own-a$$-at-all-costs type of person.

I hope this will simply be a phase, nothing more...


TM

You just never know about people. My x earns three times what I earn....always has. Always will. And he was the one who wanted the divorce.

I wanted the house for the two children and me. Wanted to have some control of my destiny. I had not worked since the first child was born and she was about 8 at the time of the divorce. She was 4 when he moved out.

Anyway, he gave me only 90 days from the date of the divorce to get the house refinanced in my name. The mortgage took longer to process than anticipated and he would not grant me an extension of even one week. After all, I was borrowing $15K to pay him half the current equity so he would give me a quit claim deed PLUS another $27K to pay off debts he, and only he, had run up. AND he wouldn't agree to commit to paying even a penny of college for either of our children.

And he thinks he's a good man.

You know, it just is so unpredictable.

.... so this adds to the alien theory. eh????

Sorry you are having to deal with such an _____________ oooh, there isn't a word in the human race to fit describe the depths a WS reaches in their quest to fulfill their insane desire to hurt their families. Arrrgh...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Only conclusion I can come to is the OM is 2 poor to support the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


L.

If I remember correctly, you filed as Adultery right?

I wouldn't worry about it too much, I hope you Attorney has mentioned that the Judge in the case will probably rock her.

At least that is what I have been told. It should carry some weight. She should end up getting a much larger balance of the marital debt than you, yes?

TM

I guess the answer is 'yes'. I do think she has been using you for a number of years I am sorry to say. I think Aussie suggested this to you as well.

Its not that you are a soft touch or easy TM, no not at all, You trusted the one person you believed you could trust, that you should have been able to trust, and SHE BETRAYED THAT TRUST AND YOU.
Perhaps if you review the first dating and learning to know each other period before or just after the M you may find the signs of her 'using' way back then. I doubt anyone will take you for a ride like that again.

WITH MB principles you now know what to look for and will use that knowledge to sound out any future potential partner I am sure.

Aussie asked that I drop in on you while he is deployed so I am glad you posted.

Has your lawyer indicated what her chances are ...hopefully a snowballs chance in h3ll ?
Surely demonstrating you provided for her all her schooling time actually allows YOU a portion of her future income? Especially as she commited adultery & LIVED with the married OM while you still supported her?
I somehow suspect this is a ploy to steer you away from that option? Maybe your lawyer should counter claim for a lump sum compensation, but I guess thats too much to expect a court to consider ??

I suppose we can hope for your sake the Texas courts will view her claims as less than genuine and dump them????

You deserve better TM from her, an apology and I won't bother you again at the least.

Well I'll say a prayer for you, and for your stbx to find her decency in this matter.

AW

Thanks to all for the responses...it has been a trying week and weekend.

Orchid -
I do believe that to be the case, and the fact that she is voluntarily unemployed, despite having a DPM and cosmetology license. She is also a very good organizer, so she could even take a job in another DPM's office until she can sit for her board again in March. THANK GOD we signed a contract in January splitting our existing credit card debt evenly, and stipulating all future debt incurred will remain the responsibility of the party who incurs it. Her debt load is a multiple of mine at this point...I live fairly humbly, always have.

TTSi -
Yes, I did file on the grounds of Adultery, but there is no way to tell how much the judge is going to weigh that fact. I am hoping to avoid court altogether, and settle it during our mediation on November 1. Knowing my STBXWW, and epecially knowing her present state of belligerence, I'd imagine we will have to see this all the way through. Sure gets expensive, though. I am over $6000 already, and my lawyer tells me that she will need more if we are forced to depose witnesses, and go to trial.

AW-
Thanks for keeping your eye out for me...and give my best to Aussie over there. I hope things are well with you and your new one.

My lawyer was fairly straight with me. Unfortunately, my name was never put on the title to the house that she bought a few years before we were married, and in Texas, it matters. This is despite the fact that I made most of the income during the marriage - she enrolled part time in school fairly soon after we married, then full time once she went to Podiatry school. We also spent a huge amount of money improving the house so we could rent it out, and we provided most of the labor ourselves...it is very hard to recover time, toil, and effort.

The same goes with the property that we were in the process of develpoing in Round Top, a small town about 1.5 hours outside of Houston. Because we hadn't incorporated yet, the loan and deed for the property is all in my MIL's name, and I can potentially be cut completely out. I may have to eventually end up suing my MIL, in civil court, in a separate action. I have plenty of proof of our payments, our plans, and my labor...so I would likely be victorious, but it would be a phyrric victory, and I am not sure I want to go through more with this family. I am hoping they will be decent and honorable, but now that my FIL passed, my STBXWW runs the family.

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Sorry to have a little vent session, but I was doing so well, thinking we had a good case, and I would walk away with something to show for all I provided/sacrificed over the years...then BAM I am hit with the likelihood of getting $crewed even further...really hit me hard last week.


TM

Dear TM,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
Kinda makes me lose faith in all of humanity. I also now do not trust my inherent ability to judge a person's character...apparently my meter is miscalibrated too much to the trusting side...I just hate that I may come away from this a cold, callous, calculating, cover-my-own-a$$-at-all-costs type of person.
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Does it help you at all to know that you're not alone feeling this way?

quote:-------------------------------------------------
Sorry to have a little vent session, but I was doing so well...then BAM I am hit with the likelihood of getting $crewed even further...really hit me hard last week.
--------------------------------------------------------

It's OK, TM, that's what we are here for. 'Lighten up your heart' as much as you need to with us. When it comes to a WS, think of the worst that can happen, than double that! Did you forget that WSs work from a selfish self-centred mode? Well, you have just been reminded.

There is really no telling how 'low' a WS will go.

I am really sorry TM. Sometimes it's not enough to know that we deserve better. Hang in there. Like everything else so far, as the song goes, "we will survive".

TM,
I could have practically signed my name to your post. The sense of self entitlement is unbelievable with these individuals. I really dont know what is going to happen in my situation. I just have to trust that everything is going to be okay...eventually. I read somewhere that the attorneys of women that are divorcing men try and rattle the saber and ask for everything right up to the point of the final legal proceeding. In hopes that the man will wilt and just say ....get it over with and get her out of my life for good. So, stay strong my friend. No surrender....at least to our STBXWW's.