Hi everyone! It has been almost a month since I found out that my H was having a PA with his best friends wife. Since I have found out we have worked really hard to keep our marriage together. We are in MC and he is really trying hard to regain my trust. I know it will be a long hard road, but just when I think things are moving forward I start remembering what happened and I get angry all over again. He really is a good guy, wonderful father and up until this a great husband. Some background: We had problems about 6 months before this happened and we both ignored it and took each other for granted. I think this woke both of us up. We have started talking and making sure each of us knows how the other feels. He has become more "here". He also suggested that we get in church and find friends that are more "family and christian" orinated. My problem is .... no matter how hard he tries or how much we love each other the thoughts of him with her wont go away. Do they ever? Does it get easier to forget?

I don't think they ever go away, but for me anyway (16 months later) they become far less frequent, and alot less painful. Like a scar I guess there will always be that mark, just kind of fades from a wound.

I don't envy you in the aspect you knew the OP. I never knew my wifes OM, I thinks thats a good thing for both him and I. But I could only imagine the images I would have if I knew the OP, as you do.

I think it will always be hard, but does get better...

I recommend this site to all my friends with M issue's, and as you can see I do not post often, but I read here daily. I gain most of my insight from the trials of those who came before us.

Good Luck Kathy, and keep fighting for what your heart tells you is right!

Thank you so much! I know in my heart that our love will make it thru this. I love this man so much. He is just one person in this world, but he is the world to me. Even after all we have been thru, I still love him with all my heart. I know he loves me and he made a mistake,but the pain is there and I try to look at it thru his eyes. He cries when he sees me hurting. Tears from a 6'4 325lb man are sometimes overwhelming. We will by the grace of God make it. Thank you again and God Bless you and your family!

I agree with just keep trying that the images/thoughts don't ever go away completely, but they do fade. The love of my life had an affair with a coworker that just about destroyed me. The story is similar -- we weren't communicating; he was travelling; she was there -- supportive, adoring, etc. etc. etc. When he finally told me I was shattered. It has taken more than 4 years, but I truly don't think about it daily any more. Every now and then the pictures come flooding back, but my world is so full of love now, that it's easy to press "erase" and get them to go away. Try not to let them overwhelm you. It does get better with time.

Picture a 42 yr old man sitting in a car crying at the stoplight next to you. That was me earlier this year. The mental images would sneak up and tear me down. I had panic attacks. I actually thought I was going to die sometimes when those mental movies hit me hard. I didn't believe anyone when they told me they would eventually fade.

Same with those nasty little triggers.

I know I will never forget, but today I don't have to be a prisoner of those mental porn flicks starring my wife and her OM.

Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. Forgive and you can replace those images with new better ones.

Like when you go see a good Robert DeNiro film, the prior Adam Sandler film experience will be put on the back burner. Not forgotten, but just replaced with something better.


I hope I haven't offended any Sandler fans. I actually liked when Bob Barker beat him up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />