Background suspicion of EA possible PA years ago never confirmed. Working on recovery. He has been working on telling the truth alwasys. The other day I asked a question and new the answer already and he lied, it was something not worth lieing about. However he looked me in the eye and lied, has been able to do that in the past too.

We are having some intimacy issues that just popped up last month or so. Told him that I felt like he was keeping something from me. I expected him to look me in the eye and tell me nothing. Instead he gets this smile on his face. When I said you are he started laughing and said no he wasn't. Everytime after that when I would start asking he would start smiling or laughing saying he wasn't. What do I do? I am so confused these days.

Hi bjs,

His responses to your questions are untruthful and weird, and it does seems you have every reason not to trust him.

And for someone who has been working on telling the truth, he seems to be lieing quite a bit.

You need some Radical Honesty from that man!

Are the intimacy issues with you or him?

What you should do for now is watch his every move. Where he goes, who he is on the phone with, online with, etc....
He doesn't need to know you are watching him.

Love, Lady

I would snoop a little before confronting on these issues. See what's behind this smoke. Almost always, there's fire.

In His arms.

Ladysheep

His excuses in the past for lieing to me have been to protect me but in reality it was to protect himself from my reactions. I have sense learned to work on my reactions.

He says that he is always telling me the truth now but after catching him in the lie the other day...... I have tried to get radical honesty with him...however when I can't prove lies he just keeps on lieing. He knows how important honesty is with me.

I just don't understand why he was laughing.

He is having the intimacy issues.

I've been watching for a long time now. Was hoping to be able to stop and just enjoy us for awhile. He is being incredibly nice these last couple days which is also a pattern for him.

Mortarman

I have tried to look into it as much as I can. He is military so there is only so much I can do. I'm tired of looking, watching. I've prayed for several years to know the truth without any doubt and so far I continue to wait on the Lord. I was begining to believe that there was nothing and that was the answer. Now he is being extremely nice buying things for us. What do I do?

He continues to act strange today. Ever since our conversation the other night. Today he is defensive and kind of onry. Tonight we were out and he gave me a hug in the middle of the store. We often kid each other and I said "what was that for?" I know it was probably a LB but we do kid around sometimes. He became very defensive and said "You are giving me the third degree." and walked away. I have not asked him anything in the last couple days about anything.

He just doesn't appear to be himself. What do I do?

Can he account for all of his time away from you?

I wonder what he meant by that, bjs.

Have you been angry with him a lot?

I would just do some check ups on him, he is acting very strange.

Does he use alcohol or drugs of any sort?

Love, Lady

Believer,
At this point in time he does, I think. Of course I never know for sure without following him. He comes home after work, he calls on his way home and talks till he gets here, he gets off work early sometimes and surprises me. I monitor his cell phone and there is only one number I don't know and it is constantly busy when I call it.

ladysheep,

I don't know what he means when he says that. Today he said he was just kidding, not buying that one. He used to use that in the past a lot when I would question him but hasn't used it for about 11 years.

Nope haven't been angry with him. Confused yes, angry no. I have learned a lot over the years about how to approach him. Plus I am not one that becomes angry quickly takes awhile. Hurt yes angry no.

Nope no alcohol or drugs.

I don't know what to do anymore.

bjs, when he lied to you, did you confront him with the fact that you knew he lied? If so, how did he react?

Maybe it's nothing, but you know when he's acting strange.

Sometimes my own thoughts play tricks on me just because I don't fully trust my H yet because he has lied to me in the past. That may be what is happening with you... I don't know. My mind can make me think he's doing something wrong when in reality he's not right now.
It's a trust problem I have with him, not necessarily him.
But I always remind him to be honest with me and he has been I believe recently. Our MC told him to tell the truth for 30 days straight, he believes that honesty will then become a good habit.

If I confronted my H with every thought I had about him, and my not trusting him, this marriage would be over because I would drive him crazy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />...

For example...There have been times he says he is going to work out at the YMCA, and I have thoughts that he isn't really going there, so one time I checked to see if he was really there and he was there. I felt terrible, but see what my thoughts can tell me, just because I don't trust him.

Sometimes I will pray when I get thoughts of him doing something wrong and ask God to show me what is going on, what is H feeling, doing etc...
That always helps. And next thing you know H is telling me where he is going, doing etc.., so God answers and lets me know. God is my best detective, He keeps a good eye on my H for me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> And I really need to ask God to guard my mind because my lack of trust for H can really get to me sometimes.

I hope you and H can work it out. Just let H know that the lie he told you, no matter how insignificant it might have been, has made you take a step back in recovery. Tell him please don't do that to you and the marriage.

Love, Lady