I feel so detached from my H right now. He'll call from work and I just don't have anything to say to him. I know I am a little depressed, but not too bad. I'm still dressing, cleaning, cooking, etc. I still enjoy my children. I just don't know this man anymore. The PA was bad enough, but for me to discover the online A's and etc that have been going on for years.....That discovery came 6 months after our D-day, this time just seems so much harder.

Summer

I am in the very same place myself. Just this morning getting ready for work we barely exchanged a word. I don't know what to say anymore. And when I look in WH's eyes, all I see is sadness. I know he is deeply sorry that he has made me feel this way, and is simply clueless about how to help me. I don't think I am depressed in a real clinical way, I just feel so tired all the time. Tired of feeling this way. Tired of trying to figure it out. Too tired to do anything about it. Maybe this is how a hurricane survivor feels? Devastation all around, but where do you begin to rebuild things? At least there you can pick up a shovel and DO something. I just feel . . . lost.

-CSJ

I KNOW! Somedays I just don't want to think about it anymore! But pushing it under the rug sure won't fix anything. I guess I'm just afraid to even try to open up to him again. He had his chance to come completely clean on D-day, and he didn't, and that just makes me so angry, and hurt. I just don't understand how someone who is supposed to love you can hurt you this much on purpose.

Summer

Summer

....I know exactly what you are going through. I have been visiting these message boards for a while, but have not posted anything, until I read your posts. My H had the same opportunity to come clean and chose not too. He had admitted to an EA while deployed, only cause I got a hold of the cell phone records. He said that nothing physical had happened, he was so adamant about it. He made me believe him. It was a rough time for me, but I finally forgave him and worked on fixing our marriage. 6 months later I got a phone call from the OW spouse and he dropped the biggest bomb shell on me. Nothing that my H told me was true!! I felt so betrayed........again!! The resentment, the hurt and the anger is so thick at times I can't even think straight. I forgave him!! He allowed me to forgive him. I too have really nothing to say to my H either. I am so scared of opening up to him again. I have built that wall up around me for fear of getting hurt again.

Lost2

I know! We are military too, and the first time they actually "did it" was on TDY! I hate it for you, I am there with you. I told him that by not coming completely clean first time around, he made things sooooo much worse and that I just didn't know if I could forgive him this time. Even his tears don't move me right now. But I am praying about this, waiting for some peace. I know I have to forgive to heal, but crap! LOL!

Summer,


Understand completely. In addition to learning about my FWH's A, I too learned shortly after that he had for years been "shopping around" via internet dating sites. He says he never actually followed up beyond a few emails, but I'll really never know for sure and it made me feel like I never really knew him. In many ways, the years of shopping around bothers me more that the A. It also makes me sometimes see him as a sad desparate man. Not very flattering.

Who

The question that haunts me is how these WS's can turn their emotions on and off so quickly? Me and my WH had been together for over eight years and had two kids together--one just 4 mo. old when, suddenly, he just turns it all off. He totally distant from me, barely there for the kids, practically a zombie for about a year. Then, he's back. Now he wants to be a good husband and a good father. What changed for him? I have no idea. My D-Day was months after he had broken it off with the OW, so it wasn't like I caught him and he HAD to end it. So why he decided to be the family guy again is a mystery. And I can't help but wonder if he'll just up and decide to do this again someday. How you get to a place where there is any real trust again seems impossible.

LOL,
CSJ

You're all right! I do sometimes see him as sad and cowardly. We can all pretend to be anything we want online! But it takes courage and committment to face whatever is troubling you/your marriage. If he had just said something, anything! For everytime that I had a gut feeling, he denied and went on the offensive toward me. "Why can't you trust me?" Oh gag me with a backhoe 'cause a spoon just isn't big enough! I just wonder how many of those women I have known or encountered and they were able to think to themselves what an idiot I must be. Or a b--ch, because he made me out to be the bad guy. What a surprise!