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I really don't know how to deal with this. I am normally a very strong and rational person, but I fell completely lost right now. The pain is so intense that it scares me. I tried getting out of the house and going to the grocery store to pick up something to eat, but I just kept wandering aimlessly through the aisles thinking that I don't have anyone to cook for anymore. I came home with a carton of O.J. and some bananas and now I feel like I just want to die. If I was so wrong about this how can I ever love or trust again? I don't know what to do. I can't make the pain susbside even for a second. This is absolute h3ll...
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bronwyn, call someone now! The suicide hotline or a friend or family member. I know the intense pain you are in but your WH started his A before you were married so how would you know what "normal" is?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER!!! We're here, talk it out...Are your thoughts truly just passing thoughts, or have you begun to actually plan something??? Are you on antidepressants of any kind? Give us a little more info...again, we're here for you.
Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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bronwyn, I know you don't really want to die. You just want the pain to stop. Those are two different things. Don't make the mistake of thinking there is only one way to end the pain.
Call your doctor. They will help you.
Call 911.
Call 1-800-SUICIDE.
Many of us have been where you are. There is help and there is relief. Don't give up yet.
Mulan
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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bronwyn,
I urge you to call
1-800-SUICIDE
Talk to someone,,,get help now!
JustUss
Administrator/Moderator
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Call your doctor and then sit down and cry, cry, cry, cry. We know how hard it is, bronwyn, but just know this: YOU WILL LIVE OVER THIS. It will not always hurt like this, I promise you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You might want to try some anti-depressants. Although they take awhile to work, just knowing that help is coming takes the edge off.
I was like you - thinking how much easier suicide would be right after D-day. But then I realized that my WH would get my life insurance! And that he would be spending it on his affair!! I changed the beneficiary, and by that time, the feeling had passed.
I'm sure glad that it did, because I'm happier now than ever, even though we are almost divorced.
His poor behavior is not a reflection of your worth. Don't buy into that. The pain is HORRIBLE at first, but I promise you that it gets much better.
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You have someone very important to live for: YOU... This is not the way!! I have been where you are, I know it hurts like h*ll, but do not make this mistake...
You are worth living for...
Call Someone please...
Separated: 12/18/2005
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Bronwyn...
I'm here if you need to talk...Please do call 1-800-SUICIDE...if you need something more please email me at my addy in my signature line, I have free nationwide long distance, I'd be glad to call you and just listen if that's what you need...PLEASE, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I'm not on anti-depressants. I just talked to my mom, which helped a bit. But the thoughts are still there lingering in the background. I suppose they'll pass, but for the time being it's pretty bleak.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Can you and will you call your doctor?
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Browyn, I'm glad talking to your mom made you feel a little better. Many of us have felt what you are feeling. I know it's so hard to live through. I recently found this link: Suicide: Read This First
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I know how hard it is to tell a dr, someone you barely know, that you're having suicidal thoughts. What you have to keep in mind is that drs deal with stuff like that, I mean, well you're not alone and a dr can help you. It's not going to be tremendous help instantaneously, but he/she can help in the long run.
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I don't have a family doctor, but there's a clinic nearby that I could go to. I really did want to try to get through this without drugs, but maybe they will be necessary.
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Browyn,
Many of us have been there. You have done the right thing calling your Mom. Did you tell her what thoughts are running through your head right now?
What did your Mom have to say?
Please call the Hotline. Call your family Doctor. There should be someone there to take the call.
Call or email one of us that have offered. You are worth so much.
BS (Me) 43
WW or FWW 40
2 DS's 16 and 13
Married 21 Years
D-day 9/10/2005
Exposure 9/11/2005
False NC 9/11/2005
Discovery of Contact 12/23/2005
NC (Letter written Jan 2006)
Divorce Petition Filed Jan 2006
In a holding pattern.
Me Still Handing in there
Phil 4:13
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I really did want to try to get through this without drugs Few of us have attained THAT status. You have to get the help that is available. Go to the clinic. Get it done. Then you'll be putting yourself in a better place to do the things you have to do at this point in your life. It does get better. Be well.
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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I can understand your desire to not want to take med but it's really not a big deal and only temporary. You can't really even tell you're taking them, just after a few weeks you start to come away from the persistent really down feelings somewhat.
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Go to the Clinic. Tell them what is going on.
BS (Me) 43
WW or FWW 40
2 DS's 16 and 13
Married 21 Years
D-day 9/10/2005
Exposure 9/11/2005
False NC 9/11/2005
Discovery of Contact 12/23/2005
NC (Letter written Jan 2006)
Divorce Petition Filed Jan 2006
In a holding pattern.
Me Still Handing in there
Phil 4:13
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Bronwyn...
Are you safe tonight? Do you trust yourself to be alone? If your answer is NO to either of these questions, then we need a plan right now...let us know, we will help you figure out what to do...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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