This serves more as an update, but a vent at the same time. My STBXWH and I have begun the D process. Although there is pure silence and NC between us, it is completely ugly. We cannot even attempt to speak to each other. I am plan A'ing myself and was doing so well, and then slipped and called him about a financial issue/overdue bill and the call was just full of pure hatred. As always, telling me what i should, could, can't and won't do. Total control freak.

I don't think there's any fog involved. It's just hatred. His only concern now is making sure his coworkers don't find out that he's sleeping with his coworker who is also management, and that I don't get any of his money from this D. He's truly displaying the side that no one else ever experienced, or believed existed. I hope the OW gets to see this fury in him, and in his heart. She has no idea who she is involved with. No idea. Good luck to them. Good luck.

sorry, just venting. I cannot believe half of the time that I married this person.

Don't need to be sorry to vent. This is a forum to share tears, anguish, pain ... to triumph. It is better to see it now than later. Give the left over to OW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> .

-rh-

Why haven't you exposed them at work? Seems like its a good time, since he is angry anyway.

He has threatened me with all sorts of additional law suits, and if it's proved I acted 'maliciously' it could be used against me as well in the D. I very much want to out them at work, it has to happen. Friends tell me it will happen on it's own, it's a small company only maybe 20 people total in their office, someone is bound to notice the flirting and closeness between them.

He knows of the twisted mess he's created, as she's threatened to leave the job if he ended it with her, and she has immigration issues on top of it also tied to the employer. It's a real mess. He runs the company, and if the office did find out about it, there is a significant chance that they could both lose their jobs.

I just want him to come to terms with what he's done. He made me face the music with his family and all of our friends, it's his turn. I went through absolute ****** with everyone for what I had done (fws).

It's also been playing on my mind, because I have been Plan A'ing, and somewhere in my heart lies a Plan A for us, but he's made it clear that he wants me out of his life. So I guess he's gone deep into Plan B, and Plan D officially. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It's hard to sit and know that I still feel something, and there's nothing from him. Nothing. I know he's disconnected from me only to get more connected to her and 'move on' with the divorce.

Back to your original question, I want to out them, I do not know how without major complications on a legal end now. ??? suggestions?

sad.

An anonymous call to human resources from a pay phone far from your house or work.

I agree with newly. Are you close with any of his co-worker's wife or any one that has a big mouth in the family that know his co-workers ?. Talk to that person for "support" and ask that person "not to tell anyone" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. Word travel fast ...

In a small company, her H is probably the HR department.

I like RedHat's suggestion... just 'accidentally' break down in tears with one of the appropiate co-workers (or spouse of co-worker), apologize profusely, and swear them to secrecy. Gossip that juicy is irrestible. It'll get out.

Have you counterfiled on the basis of adultry? Can you mail him some paper with such statements for his secretary to open?

He's been very smart and has kept me totally disconnected from meeting any of his coworkers. I have met her however. He's fired everyone else that I did know. (not due to this, just coincidental).

The company is extremely small. He and the OW run the ship and call the shots, so I doubt HR would even pay attention. I thought of calling the global headquarters. ?? Not sure. He's told me that the OW thinks I'm psycho and have serious psychological issues, so I don't doubt that they've already plugged the HR contacts ears with ideas that I am being manipulative and if I would call with such a statement, that I'd be lying according to them. No what I mean? I do know there is GREAT concern about me doing this. Otherwise I wouldn't hear the constant legal mumbo jumbo about it nor the line 'this doesn't have to be ugly', plus it was written on paper that they know their relationship is risky. I won't back down from the 'outting'. Just need to be smart about it. He thinks I have no clue on how to handle this whole D. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The more WS press BS not to expose but yet not to stop A ... the more BS should consider it and do it fast.

Throw the Exposure Granade and run away, see if that would rock the A. You 'll find a way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-rh-

I am in your shoes, I want to send everyone an email at my DW job. Saying all types of business, I have to wait until the proceeding are over. Maybe by then I will not be so upset.

Red, you're right, the grenade is underway. Will keep you posted.

I'm sure the reaction will be priceless, I wonder though if it will strengthen their bond - getting a 'high' from the challenge of survival? There is some 'excitement' fueling the relationship, in getting away with the A at work with no one knowing....I guess losing that high could serve enough to make them question it all. These are 2 very controlling people...very psycho-analytical.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
sad

Sad,

I was also threatened w/ similar things from my xWH. I was fortunate in that friends of my behalf and without my prior knowledge or help. But that isn't the only way. There are other ways that this can be exposed without it hurting you.

The fact that they are so nervous about exposure tells you just how much damage it will do to their A and how much it will benefit your M.

Exposure should happen sooner rather than later.

by the way, there may be a northeast MB gathering if you are in this area - check out the thread on Dating

Sad,

My EX and OW tried to make me sound like I was unstable, crazy and dangerous person too. They will try anything to scare us to prevent us from doing anything to damage them.

I was wondering if you can hire a PI and get evidence and send it out to headquarters. This is pure proof and speaks the truth, if he feels it's damaging to his career, it was his choice no one made him have the affair. Who know, with proof of the affair, it might help you with your settlement. In NC it makes a huge difference for alimony.

My D was ugly too. One thing to remember, the person who we married, is/were totally different from the person we are divorcing.

Best wishes for you!