Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
I work for a very small real estate company. In fact it is myself the owner and 1 other broker. I am the Office Manager, Bookkeeper. I do everything for these men.

We just had a huge deal close. They have become very wealthy men over night. I had just as much to do with this deal if not more than they did.

$1,338,000.00 between the two of them.

One of the brokers just handed me a check for $3000.00!!

TAX FREE!!!

I do not know what the other broker will give me. He is the owner so I am sure whatever he does, if anything, it will go thru the company payroll which means I will have to pay taxes on it.

I am so excited. My husband knows that I might be getting some sort of bonus on this deal. Neither one of us knows how much.

My question -

I have never had any kind of savings or retirement or a safety net. When my husband left I was scared to death about this. I always said I would start one.

Should I not tell him how much I get and start a savings account?


Me (BS) - 38 Him (WS) - 40 DDay - 7/6/04 Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4 In Recovery The Lord told me to Press On!
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401
Marriage has no room for secrets IMHO. Independent thinking and behavior is goes against MB principles.


Me (BS) 36 FWW 35 Married 5/25/91 DS-7 DD - Born 11/8/05 !!! PA #1 12/1996 PA #2 4/01 to 1/04 NC 1/04 There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread. - Mahatma Gandhi Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here... From Harley Himself
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
No my dear, you should tell him how much you got and then put it in your own savings account.

Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 154
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 154
If it was the other way around would you expect him to tell you?


I'm curious to know why you are thinking of keeping this quiet. As FB says it goes against MB prinicples (RH, POJA, Independent behaviour etc) but pushing that aside are you afraid of something so you want to build a secret nest egg?

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
Quote
No my dear, you should tell him how much you got and then put it in your own savings account.

You are saying tell him about the money but open my account not sharing it with him?

Am I understanding that correctly? I like that idea. Since we have been together I have never had my on checking or savings but have always good money.


Me (BS) - 38 Him (WS) - 40 DDay - 7/6/04 Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4 In Recovery The Lord told me to Press On!
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
I would let him know exactly what you got. Then tell him that you would like to have your own savings account. See what he says.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401
POJA the whole issue.


Me (BS) 36 FWW 35 Married 5/25/91 DS-7 DD - Born 11/8/05 !!! PA #1 12/1996 PA #2 4/01 to 1/04 NC 1/04 There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread. - Mahatma Gandhi Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here... From Harley Himself
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
Quote
If it was the other way around would you expect him to tell you?


I'm curious to know why you are thinking of keeping this quiet. As FB says it goes against MB prinicples (RH, POJA, Independent behaviour etc) but pushing that aside are you afraid of something so you want to build a secret nest egg?

I have no problem with him knowing. Like I said in another post since we have been together I have not kept my own money.

A nest egg would not be bad. After this experience I have learned that anything can happen.

He knows that I am going to get some money. We have even talked about how I thought it might be and what to do with it.


Me (BS) - 38 Him (WS) - 40 DDay - 7/6/04 Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4 In Recovery The Lord told me to Press On!
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160
Tell him about the bonus but put it in a savings account that is yours only? Go ahead, but you'd better be ready and willing for him to do the same thing the next time he comes into a windfall. It's the goose and gander thing you know. Frankly, this is a slap in the face to him and it's just one step away from secret accounts and secret agendas.

In view of your two recent threads speaking of the men you find more attractive than your husband, exactly what are your intentions for the future? You say you speak to your husband of these urges...I'm beginning to think you're taunting him with them. Would you please tell us how you are working to IMPROVE the marriage's recovery? All I see lately is a mass of LBs.

Oh, btw, most states are community property states and I'll bet yours is too. Whether you secret it away in a private account or not, that bonus check is half his if it comes down to a divorce and that's where you seem to be headed.

Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042
HI LU,

Didnt he hide his paychecks and pay down his own cc bills while you worked two jobs? I'm not sure if I'm remembering your situation correctly.

If so, I'd only be enthusiasic about agreements that included paying down my debts, if I were you. Fair's fair.

That said, I did hid a bonus I received before I D'd my exH. Anything resembling POJA was long absent from that relationship, and after years of trying and two bouts of MC, I could see D on the horizon. I'm so glad I did, I would not have been able to survive if I hadnt. So I guess it really depends on your long term goals. - Dru

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 197
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 197
If the money is in the bank in a savings account it will earn interest and have to be reported on your taxes so there is no way to truely keep it a secret unless you cash it and put it in a secret safety deposit box that is billed to another address than your own or a lock box that is kept hidden.


Me (BS) 49 FWS 53 Married 8-14-97 PA 5-4 to 8-23-04 My kids S 13, D 23, D 27 His kids D 15, S 17, S 19, S 20, D 25, D 29 brennekerealty@hotmail.com

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (Mauve), 885 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Reyna98, Nofoguy, Ingrid Guerci, Wifey02, forevermemorable
71,822 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5