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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 8
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 8 |
Hello everyone,
I met my wife about nine years ago in college. We dated a couple years after meeting but didn't kiss right away. I had many prior girlfriends and always enjoyed kissing; that *spark* - the physical sensation was always something I loved. But when my wife (then girlfriend) and I kissed, there was no spark. It was just like kissing my hand, it felt like my body part touching someone else's body part for no special reason. Just lips kissing, no wow to it. I understand that kissing feels good because of a chemical exchange in the lips... is that correct? Perhaps does my wife not have this chemical?
I loved my wife (then girlfriend) SOO much, and still do. We are a perfect match for each other in every way... except this one thing. We've been married five years now, and I thought that I could survive without the *spark* of a good kiss, but I feel strained. I had dreams about kissing other girls, although I really don't want to kiss anyone else! I want to kiss my wife and have it feel good!! Is there anything that can be done?
I know it probably sounds silly to everyone else. But this is a huge deal to me. Why doesn't kissing my wife feel good?
Last edited by ChrisT; 01/13/06 05:40 PM.
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 646
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are you happy as an individual right now? are you and your wife spending time together? have you told her this? because you should talk about this together.
Loy
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 13
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Joined: Jan 2006
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look intoyour wifes eyes and see her soul and what makes you be in love with her touch her hair caress her shoulders stroke her face then slowly move in tothe kiss by placing your hands gently on he chin and bringher closer to you, the magic falls in your lips are you reading too much into her kiss, do u expect for fire works to show like on love american style, this is the real world be glad she is there to kiss every day becasue when you dont get it all your gonna want it and she may not be there. this is just my opion and what may work for you try it one day see if it helps. good luk
your friend kathleen
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,703
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Joined: Dec 2005
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there was NEVER a spark? do you know if there was a spark for her? you should be talking about this. you wanted to marry her anyway......there must have been many reasons you loved her that overrode you desire for 'that spark'.....think about them and read the concepts here....figure out your (and her) emotional needs.....if you both give your relationship time and attention, i think you will find the spark.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,578
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Posts: 2,578 |
I'm 53 -- been with H since we were kids.
I remember those first kisses -- the ones we stole in Junior high school behind the pull-out bleachers. Talk about spark!
I went off to college. He was in the Navy. We had other relationships and lovers before we settled down together in our early 20's.
I think as you mature and become more sexual the 'sparks' find the their way to other areas of your anatomy. Your lips just cannot compete.
There is probably an organic component to this. 'The kiss spark chemical' you mentioned is actually called Kisspeptin. This is the peptide product of the KiSS-1 gene and endogenous agonist for the GPR54 receptor. The kisspeptin/GPR54 system is a key regulator of the reproductive system. Once the couple has become sexual, or the individual has adequate sexual opportunities the kisspeptin has done its job and fades.
If you have had some good kiss spark as a young person, you cannot help but miss it from time to time.
These are somethings my H and I do:
STAIRWELL KISS We revisit our Jr. High years with this kiss done at a party or at a gathering. We steal away to a private location like behind a door or tree, or on the stairwell and passionately kiss each other. The risk of being discovered in the act is the key element.
ELECTRIC SHOCK KISS We put on wool clothes and shuffle our feet furiously on the carpet. When we are both static-charged we lean over and slowly aim for each other's lips. With our lips about one-half inch apart, we move in even slower until a spark jumps between the two of us. Instantly after this happens, we kiss one another.
OUTDOOR KISS We live near a 1200 elev. mountain with a view of Boston 60 miles away. On summer nights after the auto road is closed, we hike up the roadway to the summit to see the city all lit up. Wrapped in a blanket and sipping wine -- those kisses cannot beat.
BREAKFAST IN BED KISS I remember the first time my H did this for me -- fed me breakfast in bed. I had to kiss him between bites. Before long kisses where exchanged before the food was swallowed. Afterwards, we ended up in the shower together washing the scrambled eggs out of each others hair.
Today's scientist realize that the molecule kisspeptin wakes up the reproductive hormones from their childhood hibernation. The chemical can now be given to children who fail to enter puberty. Who knows -- maybe someday they will give it to us old married people too.
Me: 56 H: 61 DD: 13 and hormonal DS: 20
Oldest son died 1994 @ age 8
Happily married 30+ years
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 9
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 9 |
Interesting topic. I love kissing. My wife, not so much anymore.. or never really. Not sure which. I agree with the above advice... talk about it. Kissing is intimate. And if you're not communicating and connecting, the kiss won't have that charge. I believe kissing starts with an emotional connection. When you're able to fix that, you'll be on your way!
Do the emotional needs questionare on this site together. Learn or re-learn about each other's needs. Then work on those needs.. Maybe the top few.. Met them. Have her meet yours.. I'd guess that kiss will come back.
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Joined: Aug 2004
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Hi Chris T But when my wife (then girlfriend) and I kissed, there was no spark. It was just like kissing my hand, it felt like my body part touching someone else's body part for no special reason. Just lips kissing, no wow to it. I feel I must ask. Is it possible that you are re-writing your history because you have fallen out of love for another reason? Are your other emotional needs being met? What's up? Mrs. W8ing
Burned-out W, 41, ENFJ married to INTJ. Blender family of 7 years w/3 teens. H has been injured/ill and in college for 6 years. Co-parenting for 11 years w/XWH who married A #4 of 5.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 24
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 24 |
I understand you !! I love my H dearly we are perfect for each other. We have fun in almost every thing we do. SF is the best I could ask for. But I have never enjoyed kissing him It feels awkward and uncomfortable. I have tried speaking to him about it but I'm afraid of hurting him. We have been married 6 yrs and have 4 babies. Some times I miss the wonderful passion of kissing but our life together makes up for it all. I love my H and I know that I would NOT enjoy kissing any one else any way so I can get pass this easily. monny xoxoxoxoxoxox
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