NO! No! No! Are you in Germany? Please get in touch with me. I work in the personnel command that handles all family travel and I can help you find out your rights and what he can and cannot do. He still has to get early return orders even if he's in the barracks. Sponsorship does not end just because of that, it might be part of the process but it takes a little time. I am here and will do what I can to help you.

tessyrue at gmail dot com

Desided to ask if he wanted it. When I called he said No I don't care if you burn it. I know he is going into withdrawl. I have a question. I have read the book SAA and maybe nee to read it again. I know that this affair was only about a month long. But it was a very BIG EA and possible PA. I would like your oppinion on how long to I wait for withdrawl. I am surposed to do plan A during it right? I feel I should know this by now with all the reading, but with so many emotions and stresses I need to ask. I am trying to take care of myself and DD's with what little energy I have bot it's hard.

I wouldn't do anything to make things easier for him. If he wants the nightstand let him clean it out.

As far as losing sponsorship. I'm not sure if it was his choice to live in the barracks or not. I know when things were going crazy with my dh and I he was ordered to stay in the barracks. They never once said anything about me having leave the home. Not sure if it would be different being overseas. I would definately go to IG if you aren't getting anywhere with his command.

mhwag,

I also gave my WH the letter of truehearts hoping it would break through the fog.....

He read it and then said to me... "I read the letter you gave me but it does not pertain to me. I have done nothing wrong."

So don't count on it helping the fog. I think that letter will help once the fog is pretty much lifted and they are remorseful but not until then...

I am not telling you not to give it to him but I am warning you not to expect miracles from it. I hope I am wrong and your WH will underdstand it, that would be a wonderful thing...


Good Luck,

Hurting

Oh I have desided not to give it to him but I will be giving him a goodbye card and gift for his trip. Plan A right?

Yes, Plan A. Read up on it and understand it well. It's not a plan for you to be a doormat. It is a plan to wean him away from the affair and get you two started on a road to recovery.

BTW, he'll have no need for any furniture if he's moving into the barracks. I'm not sure why the subject came up, but he have no room for it.

If you do nothing else today, lady, get in touch with DoxieLuver. See her post above. She can help.

Stay strong mhwag.

Doxielover, Yes please if you could tell me how he can do this I want to stay near him for many reasons but I don't want that out of sight out of might thing to happen. As you see this just started today. Legal is no help where I am at. And I feel that the command is protecting him somehow. I am just glad it is out in the open now.

Email her, mhwag.

As regards your suspicion the service will do what it can to protect your husband, to a point, you are correct. The command structure’s first obligation is to the member and his readiness to accomplish the military mission. That having been said, the member cannot be totally prepared if he doesn’t provide for the wellbeing of his family.

To that extent, the commander will cooperate with you to change the member’s conduct. They are motivated, in this case, beyond the norm because your husband’s behavior is affecting the readiness of another member who is in a combat zone. (I don’t know if the OWH is in a frontline unit but no place in Iraq is safe. Whatever his function there, he is probably in ten times more danger than he would otherwise be because he can’t possibly be concentrating completely on what he’s doing. His morale has got to be totally shot.)

In the past, I have urged you to get with folks who have been set up in the command to provide support for the spouse. There should be some office in the personnel area to do that. In the Air Force, it is called Family Affairs. The Army surely has a corresponding activity somewhere in the structure. The Chaplain can also help you. I renew my suggestion. You’ve been going it alone and you’ve done yeoman work, but you could use some allies. Now you have someone over there who’s asking you to email her and she’ll help. Take advantage of the tools offered you, okay?

To Doxie Lover, I don't see any other way to reach you on this site. I can not give you my address because it has my name. I do want your help. Yes I am in Germany and on an Army Base. Longhorn is right I need to understand all that I can about everything. I await your reply.

mhwag, I think her address is going to be (deleted).

Mhwag emailed me so we are going to do what we can to protect her rights. Nothing makes me angrier than when people try to take advantage of another and it is so easy in the military because we spouses don't know all the ins and outs of the system.

Thanks Longhorn for all your input. I'm assuming you're from TX. I'm from the Dallas area myself.

Thanks everyone else. I'm sure she'll keep you posted. I work at the final processing center so we need to get info at her end before it reaches this point.

I trying to hold my head up today. Went to a workout class and is was great but as soon as I came out I just went into a slump so to speak. I did a little cleaning because WH will be coming to p/u DD's and want it to look welcoming. I read that it is better to stay away from WH when they are going through withdrawl because they tend to lash out. And he is. He is avoiding me also. He came by today knowing I was here and just went into the basment got something then left. He will be coming into the house and moving the sofa when he knows I will not be here tonight. He have a big barracks room. I still don't know if he is living there. He doesn't want to talk and I won't call him. He reminds me of my DD when she doesn't get something she wants.

Hang in there, you are still early in exposure. It is probably better to stay away for awhile. When you do see him, be cheerful and pleasant.

OMG WH came over to pick up the girls and he is in silent mad mode. He wanted to talk. He will not be leaving for the 3 weeks that I thought he would be. He asked that I don't call his coomand anymore because he thinks I am egging them on. I said " I don't need to call the command anymore." WH"I will probley get kicked out with a record and have nothing to show for it." BS" You will have a family and a wife." WH "In theroy if we were to ever work on this marriage don't you think you would want a husband that had a clean record." BS" I would want a husband that is here for wife and kids." WH "Well you will have to get a job." BS"OK" WH"I could have achived something of this career >>>didn't hear the rest" BS"Yes you could have achived something." He slammed the door.

I am mad now because he sent older DD9 in and to ask me what city our we moving to. Like I am leaving soon. I told her to tell daddy that we go where he says we go.

I am not happy that he is useing the DD but how do I tell him without LB in his state of mind?

"In theroy if we were to ever work on this marriage don't you think you would want a husband that had a clean record?"

Haha. The only way he could have a clean record is by going by the rules and staying away from his affair partner. You ignoring it wouldn't make his record clean. What a bunch of fog babble!!!!

I would write him a short note and ask him not to put the kids in the middle. That way you won't be tempted to LB.

I think you are doing very, very well.

Wh came back really early. WH"I am going to be taking over credit cards." BS"Those cards sre on credit report to." WH"I will get you off of them." BS"OK" WH"I am not mving everyone to 'city with the jail'" BS"I don;t think it will go that far." WH"You need to get me a bugdet because I have to pay for food and your insurance." BW- I did not say a thing." He then got a call and I was going out the door with the DD's. He had put his head down on the table. I asked him if he had a headache he just shook his head and said no. I had to leave for 1 and half hours he was still there. He needed to make phone calls. I understand. He told me with a nice voice that he feels better that when he talked to his officer friend he calmed down a little. It seems his commander is making it sound a whole lot worse than it is. So to speak. I belive he really thinks he might get courtmarshaled. I told him I don't think it will go that far. He gave me a look and said he is going to use some of the tax return to buy a lawyer. I asked doesn't the military help you. He said he wants a second oppinion. I said OK. He also said "Even if I wanted to come back here I can't because I have been ordered to the barracks. I said that doesn't sound fair. Where do you want to stay. He says not here right now.

The little hope came next when he said he might be willing to talk to someone maybe a chaplin. I told him of a chaplin that I talked to and he said he has heard good things about that chaplin. I said make an appointment and I am there. He did not say anything.

I rally don't like that he is being forced to stay there but I have been told that covers me on him staying there not out of choice money stuff I being sent home. I will look into that.

He moved out most of his 95% of his stuff also. I am really low today. He left some shirts that I used to wear and I so want to again but I feel if he sees me in one might just push him away.

I am holding my self back because I want to call his command and just ....I don't know tell them to be nice or keep it professional. I really wish I knew.

Don't call his command. Let him face the consequences of his choices. Don't try to rescue him. It is probably better that he stay in the barracks right now.

Later, I would let the chaplain know that you want to save your marriage, not be sent home.

Don't let your husband turn all of this into your problem. He knew the risks, and decided to play.

Also I have be question. What do I say to him whe he asks me about what I said to his MOM and my parents? I know he will get real mad.

Tell him that you want to save the marriage, and told them the TRUTH.

They all get mad, but they get over it. Your husband is scrambling now to try to do damage control.

Yeah, what Believer said! Your husband is the one who has put a big old black mark on his record, not you. If he's not going on the training cycle, it's because "they" don't trust him anymore either. That's what happens when you disobey an order. Duh!

I think you're doing great with the reverse babble. The babble will get worse but you know how to deal with it. I also see you're gathering allies now in the fight to save your marriage. Kudos! We're with you, lady. Hang tough.

****

Doxie, I am indeed in Texas, living in in the great city of San Antonio. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I edited my post to remove your email addy for your privacy.