FF

I am looking you dead in the eyes (not really, but pretend)

and I am asking you this question:

[color:"blue"] What are you going to do if you catch him in one teensie tiny lie regarding "accidental" OW contact? [/color]

What is your contingency Plan if WH cannot uphold his promises? How much wiggle room will you allow him?

You don't need to answer, but I suggest you think about this for yourself. Perhaps journal it out in a self-discussion.

All due respect --- and you know I care about you --- but right now, guess who I trust the least to keep their boundaries tight?

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it's you

[b]PLEASE don't ignore this issue !!!!

Your past is PAST --- a done deal .... your H's past is yet to be dealt with.

Please please please

what you did --- your past --- is buried --- you have taken great PAINS to learn from your mistakes --- and your past is no longer revelant.

YOU are beyond that now.

Deal with the reality of what is going on today without the "I sinned in my marriage too" filter ... deal with what is here and now.

I fear your past has put a filter on your vison and you look at the present with not so-clear eyes ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Pep, thanks. Truly thanks for caring. I gave him a letter two weeks ago telling him point blank if he f's this up his stuff will be packed and in the basement and the locks changed. Done. God help me I have to stick to it.

You are probably right.

just popping in to send hugs((((((((((((FF))))))))))))))

For crying out loud --- I am only saying

don't SAY or Promise anything you are not dead sure you will follow through on!

if you are NOT certain --- say nada .... simplimente nada!

(((FF))) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But I did mean it Pep. I won't tolerate this anymore. I received a letter from the OW that was simply awful! It was when I got the letter that I got the nerve to say once more and you are out! I do mean it!

Doesn't anybody here understand how destroyed I am? Do you not know that I won't be part of a 3 party marriage? Don't you know that all I want is a decent life for myself and my kids? I am NOT that person that let him walk on me before.

{{FF}}

(raising hand and waving furiously) oh, oh, pick me, pick me. i know, i know!!

and i also know, with God's help, your life and your kids will be much more than decent.

LOL, FL. I am listening...

FF, I hope you don't feel too ganged up on or as though anyone is being unsupportive. I know you know that everyone here just cares about you and that's who they are being supportive of...YOU.

Consider us your "takers" who want to take care of YOU.

Something stood out to me...



Just for you, it might be a good idea to clearly define for yourself what the definition of "f'ing this up" is. It might not be a bad idea to clearly define it for him, too.

Just a suggestion. I fully support you and I completely understand why you want to give this your very best shot.

Thanks, froz. No, I do know people care. I am frustrated with my inability to communicate! The letter stated if I find the A has started again or never ended his stuff will be out and the locks changed. I left him some wiggle room for contact only because of OC.

FF - Stay strong! I agree - do not jump into this emotionally. (yea- right - I know. I KNOW.)

It will hurt nothing for you to remain aloof, and allow this man to PROVE - PROVE!!! PROVE IT!!!!!

If he is sincere - he will. He will do WHATEVER it takes. If he can not figure out what it takes - there are PLENTY of people here who can guide him. Tell him to strap on a pair and log on. That will be a good sign that he is sincere.

You are an important person. In your family, and here at MB. We support you. I personally have benefited from your advice. Thank you!!!!!!!!

I will pray for success with recovery. All of the ups and downs included.

far

Frozen...EXCELLENT POINT!!! FF, I think that you have to be VERY specific with your boundaries...I'm praying for you...

Mrs. W

Faithful.........
Relax. Breathe easy. Breathe slowly.

Yes you know people are asking hard questions because they care. You have time to think, and do any thing else that will help. You have time to make changes, or not, depending on what you learn.

Recovery is a process, not an event. There will be setbacks. Days when he won't want to work on it, days when you won't.

It will take a couple of years with both of you working hard. Both need to realize it up front. It's a good time to acknowledge God and his place in your lives. It's a good time to date, and MAKE time for each other, realizing that recovery depends on lots of things, not just a letter, and access to a truck. (BTW, I know you know this, I am just lining it all out for background)

You need times to talk about recovery, and relationships. You also need time to laugh, look in each others eyes, and hold hands. Be sure you do both.

Grin.
This is so cool. Just keep working on it, incorporate what you learn here, and make improvements as you go.

Laugh, realize you are making progress. Smile when people give suggestions, it means they care.

SS

I feel a little like my friend frozen today..just riding the wave of emotions. I need to remember that emotions come and go. breathe...breathe...

You are all the best!

Heyyyyy, are you trying to make me out to be some kind of emotional basketcase, here???? You think my emotions are all over the place or something? Geez!!!

Love,
Frozen
I mean Slushy
I mean Frozen Solid
I mean...I don't know what I mean. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

everything he said --- every word --- right on