I know my WH is having an affair. I know he is looking for homes with her. I know that on friday my FIL gave her a raise. She has only been at the company since Thanksgiving.
I know that when I think back, far back, I know I felt my WH's behavior has been odd for many months now, just not as severe as it has been the past 2 months.

I know that back in May my CC was canceled, and when I called up they said I cancelled it. I thought there was a banking error since the bank had just merged, and my H also knew nothing about it. Then the day after X-mas I find in my MIL desk at the office as I am helping WH switch desks, a paper in MIL's handwriting with my SS#, the CC# and phone #, my D.O.B. I ask WH what is this doing here, and he says he is not sure, it must be from last year. I start to think that MIL is the one that cancelled my CC. But I dont know.

WH insisted that I cancel my really nice cell phone which was in his name but was a surprise gift from my brother, he ordered me the cheapest cell phone they could find. And it is now through his company, so its not even my phone.

WH insisted that I get rid of my Jeep Grand Cherokee, that he hated it that it was too many bad memories and that we should get something new. HESITANTLY, I went along with it after months of him being angry at me about the car. He insisted that we could not fit 3 car seats in it, although after the purchase of the new vehicle, he says he only got the new one to make me happy, and that I could have fit the 3 car seats in my jeep just fine. So I went from a Jeep that would have been paid off in 2 years or less. To a Yukon Denali that is really expensive and has 5yrs of payments left on it.

WH months and months ago insisted that we throw things away, anything and everything he didnt want any of it, because it was all bad memories. I have been so reluctant with this. And have not agreed to throw away much of anything.

WH now insists that we sell the house as rapidly as possible, as I am 9 months pregnant, and we have NO kitchen and no family room, because they are both completely under construction. He wants this work completed by end of Feb. so the house can be on the market.

WH insists that when we do sell the house, we will buy a small townhome or condo where we can be comfortable and he can feel like he lives in a controlled environment.

WH also encouraged and invest every cent we had into buying top of the line products for remodeling our home, at that time his talk was of us staying here for the next ten years, this was just in October.

WH gave his parents his car to use as a trade-in for his mother to buy a new car, and then in exchange they gave him her old car to use, but it had to stay in his parents names for the purpose of insurance and it is being paid for by the company.

WH insists that I am not allowed at his office, he says because of the kids, but even if I was to be alone he says its not a good day for me to come see him.

WH used to take DS and I to lunch at least twice a week. Now I dont even bother asking, because he always says no he doesnt have time. He doesnt even have time to come to my OBGYN appointments anymore.

I just cant seem to put a finger on how long this has been going on, and what level of involvement my IL's have in this whole thing.

Hindsight sucks. Yesterday I thought that for sure my IL's did not know what is going on, today I am second guessing myself again. I think that they do know, I think that this whole year since WH and I got back together has been a long plot waiting for the baby to come and sabatoging my life.

I know I suffered from some pretty horrible depression last year, and I know that I treated my husband horribly becuase of it. But do I really deserve this???????

I wondered the 2 times I spoke to my MIL recently about how I felt, and what I am going through right now, how she seemed to be so callous on the phone. I am crying my eyes out to her, telling her how much I love her son, and that I am so upset by the what is going on, and she just kinda acted like hmmm ok. I thought that maybe it is just that it is her son and she didnt want to accept what I was saying about her son.

The second time I talked to her, she was asking some questions that NOW I think were a bit odd. Like she asked me if I was ever diagonosed with Depression, I told her I was prescribed meds for it. But I never was analyized by a psychiatrist who said - YES you suffer from depression and need to be under treatment and require medication.

My WH decided to stop taking his anti-depressants about 1 week ago.

I think that he intends on divorcing me after the baby comes, and that he plans to try and get custody, and that is also why he tells me that he thinks its a good idea that we bottle feed this baby, when I nursed the other two kids that we have.

Someone please .... I just need someone to talk to....Its 1:30am and Im dying inside...I cant sleep yet again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi Heidi.

Oh Gosh!! I understand it's a very sensitive time for you right now.

Has your H admitted to an affair with the woman at work?

How do you know he is looking for a home with her?

Lady

Hi ladysheep-
thank you so much for replying.

No he has not admitted to it. He still denys it.

I saw his emails. And there is and email that says

to: there are 3 properties in blah blah for OW and WH to consider. and then it shows the properties they are looking at. And the password for viewing them is half of her last name and half of my (and H) last name.

Oh boy Heidi, now I see why you say that.

Is he home with you and the children now?

Does he stay out nights, and have his time not accounted for?

yeah he is home now, he is sleeping.

Lately he is spending more and more time away from the house. He leaves really early in the morning and seems to come home later and later. Tells me at the last minute, says he will be home in 20 min and then doesnt get home for 2 hours. Tells me he has a business dinner, or other things that always seem to come up.

There was one night the friday before new years that he didnt come home until 730am. He called me at 5pm on friday to tell me that he and a co-worker (male) were going to need to take care of a work situation and that they neeeded to deliver some things 3 hours away. So should have probably taken a total of 7 hours. He should have been home by 1am maybe 2am at the latest. Well thats not when he got home, and I have no way of confirming that he even went at all. The person that he supposedly went with would certainly lie for him.

Yeah, it sounds like he is up to something there with the excuses for his hours away. And his all nighter.

His being away must be hard on you Heidi, with 2 little ones, and one on the way. I do know how that feels. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, my DS16 now, his dad cheated when I was in my last trimester. It was a hard time for us.

You know what I would do is take that email to a lawyer. Get advised on how to protect your finances, home, etc...
It does sound like your H has future plans that do not include you, and you need to protect yourself and the children at least financially.

When was the email written?

Lady

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, which seem to me to be more than can be solved on a forum of this nature. Yes, you can get lots of ideas of what you can do, and there is much valuable information to be gained here, but I'm thinking it would be nice if you also had someone close to you (geographically as well as emotionally) who will be your sounding board, your soothing influence, on YOUR side and nobody else's. Maybe this person is a friend. Could be a relative. Perhaps one or both your parents, if your relationship with them would allow them to help you behind the scenes without directly wading into the fray. As the parent of a poster on this board, though, let me say that you need to be sure your parents will be willing to sit on their hands, if they have to, while you apply whatever plans from MB that you decide to use. Plan A and Plan B, etc. are foreign to most irate parents; we'd prefer to go directly to Plan Nuclear Holocaust, delivered by colonoscopy! Is there anyone you can trust to keep your secret, and help you sustain your sanity, during the days ahead? If there is, confide in them and let them uphold you in word, prayer, and deed.

Breastfeed if you want. There isn't one good reason on God's green earth why a WH should be able to choose the method of feeding for his betrayed newborn and its mother. Also, as an OB nurse, let me say that you should make it plain to your doctor, and to the nurses who care for you when you go to the hospital to give birth, whether or not you want your husband allowed anywhere near you or your child. They will help you out, but you've got to let them know ahead of time just what you want.

Good luck and God bless.

t&l

Oh,yes--start looking for a good lawyer.

Yes, I do think that the more I think of things the worse it seems to be.

I do have the support of my sister the past several months I have confided in her, and told my parents the beginning of this month, it was very hard to tell them and yes, they are of the I want to yell and scream at him theory right now too. My mother is a bit more rational than my father at the moment, and she understands me when I tell her that I want to save my marriage and that I want things to work between my WH and I.

With that said, I dont think I really took into account just what all is going on.

The email from the realtor, was dated today.
There is an email from OW to WH expressing her feelings about him thanking him for a wonderful night. (He took her to dinner at a greek restaurant, said it was a business meeting, well she does work for him after all) that was last week.

There is another email between OW and WH discussing how woderful they make each others days, and thanking OW for her views on child custody.

If I dont want him and his family in the hospital when I am having the baby they will keep him away???

Absolutely. It is a violation of federal law to give out any of your personal information without your permission, including (if you choose) the very fact that you're in the hospital at all. If you want to keep this quiet, with a minimum of problems, don't tell anybody you don't trust 100% when you go to the hospital. When you check in, tell the clerk you want to be a DNP (do not publish). If you do that, anyone who calls and asks for you by name will be told by hospital that there is no one by that name registered in that facility. There is a way you can tell the people you want to know how to bypass the system, but unless you're sure your husband isn't reading here, I'd rather tell you in a more private format. Most labor and delivery units are locked. Nurses will keep out unwanted visitors simply by not letting them through the door. Whether or not the mother-baby unit is locked depends on the hospital; your DNP will come in most handy there when visitors come to the desk looking for you, especially if the unit is an open one.

Just be sure to let people know ahead of time so everything can be set up for your protection.

t&l

Heidi,

I just posted a long post to you and then decided that I had better delete it from here and post it on the new board.

Please go read it there.

((((((Heidi))))))

Heidi, I'm so glad you have the support of your sister and parents. You will need them.

And with all the evidence of those emails, please get a good lawyer quickly. You need to be advised professionally, financially, and for custody of the children. I do find it highly suspicious that the emails are about looking at homes together, dinner and child custody views.

Have you confronted your H with what you know?

What kind of business is your H and OW in?

Lady

Forward the e-mails to MIL & FIL separately. Also to your brother. You need another set of eyes on this stuff. Let them know that you are very upset by his affair and want to know which one of them support the affair. Put them in the hot seat right with you. If they support the A, go for the D ASAP. Check out your options in your state as to your financial rights. Don't do the D until you are ready, just check out your options without letting anyone know.

Be wary of your FIL & MIL. The WS maybe feeding them a line of crap that you are psycho. Let your MIL know that you are aware she maybe hearing distorted stories from a man having an A. Let her know that as a W, you know she would respect someone who is fighting for her family but to just allow a worker to take away what belongs to her family would be insane. Then let her know that the OW has her sights not just on your H (her son) but also the company and possibly FIL's financial interests. Just a wild guess? Let them go figure that out. For some it doesn't hurt until their pocket book is being hit.

L.

this is all wonderful advice thank you all so very much for taking the time to post to me.

Thank you lady I went and read that. and posted there too.