Can we make JL the frigging mayor of this message board? I adnit it up front, I am a Just Learning "wanna be".

No bull$hyt...no beating around the bush, NO ENABLING advice...Just the truth.

This is a truly disgusting reality. I have not wanted to weigh in here because truthfully I have nothing to offer the situation. In reading this thread...I have to literally remind myself that this is REAL and not some movie, and there are real children living in this dysfunction and living this life with both of these parents.

Yeah, I know this is a marriage building baord, but so what? When promototing the dysfunctional marriage comes above the healthy nurturing of children I have to say something. I don't know how to walk away from that. I can't.

WTF is this world coming to? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Lem

She is the one isn't she LM. Let me guess, red headed irish woman, english decent or maybe austrian decent.

Bkarl:

Help me here bro. I am not getting you with this/

Lem

Talking about Just Learning.

I am going to Honey Bears this week. I will try to find out about the Meadow Man. Who knows, maybe I can get you his Signature.

The behavior is wrong, and out of control on both parts. It shouldn't be happening around the children, and I'm sure that they both know that......somewhere, they've got to know that.

In any event this stuff is getting you both exactly no where, you're damaging your relationship worse and I really, honestly don't see how it could get any better as it stands. Every event, every unkind word is building more and more resentment, this can't possibly be good for anyone involved.

I understand wanting to keep your family together....believe me, I do. But I don't see how this can be done with things in their current state. Can you separate??? I know TD, you don't want to do that...... but you are driving a huge insurmountable wedge between you two.

Regardless of the reason that Crystal feels the way she feels......whether it's because she is still in contact, or still in withdrawl or whatever the case may be, she can't work on the marriage in it's current state, neither of you can.

Take a breather....I don't know what else to tell you to do. When things are escalating to this extent, and you can't even agree on what happened what choice do you really have??

TD, even if you do just do the things to keep the house running, and not invest anything in the relationship, you're going to resent her and the sitch more and more.

I was trying to go to sleep, but I couldn't stop thinking about you two.

I know that you're hurting TD, and I know that you're EXTREMELY mad crystal.

But you have to think of the kids. If you can't resolve this in a peaceful manner living together, then you should separate and try to get this straightened out.

Just my 2 cents.

God Bless,

-Caren

*** Post deleted based on new POJA related to feeling uneasy if I were to post on message boards where some responses are from either sex, also guessing spouse would feel disrespected if private family concerns were posted ***

Crytal/TD,

From what I have read on the boards here recently. Maybe you two should consider not posting? Why not just utilize the site for the positive aspects.

Posting to gain approval, and/or posting to hurt each others feeling is not going to help either of you. And as you both know by now.. You will get responses from all kinds of people that have no intention on providing you with advise, they only want to disapprove, and read about your drama.

You two know whats right and wrong, you don't need the forum to "judge" you...

Crystal:

You realize you are going to be judged more critical because you were the WS. Quit trying to gain support of the board, or trying to point out TD's actions "because the forum is unaware he does this or that". Who gives a S*** what this forum thinks. Take the information YOU need from the site and use it. Throw the rest of this B.S. away...

TD:

It's in your best interest to just back off when you are upset or frustrated. If she wants to leave when arguing, let her "nothing is going to get accomplished anyway".

If she doesn't leave when arguing. You leave, once all the dust settles, you have to agree to sit down and talk it out.

I would often write out the things that are bothering me exactly the way you two have on this forum, BUT... I would Email them to my W, and only her. That way she knows how I feel WITHOUT the interference of all the readers who just can't seem to pass up an opportunity to add their 2cents. Now you have to add that frustration to your already frustrating stich.

Best of luck to you two. I hope you can find some middle ground to start building on.

nice post justkeep..
couldn't have said it better...

I would suggest they search for the post..

do you want to be right or do you want to be married...

I don't know how to search or else I would drag it up...but it's a goodie....

my only advice to each of you is take responsibility for yourselves....and engage in NO CHAOS...no matter what the other does or doesn't do...

take control of the ONLY thing you each can..

which is yourselves...

ARK

How children know...

I'm five years old and I'm terrified of Bullwinkle. He's huge. It's dark. I was put to bed a long, long time ago, but I can't sleep. I've held my breath, pushed a marble around the white castle once my pillow. I listen to my sister snore in her bed across the room. I call it snoring, but she just chuffs when she breathes out.

The voices in the livingroom go up and down with the sound of the stereo. I don't know the words, but I know the way they sound to me. Dad wants Mom to shut up and listen. His voice is like the sound my bare legs make on a sun-hot slide. My Mom chops up her words and spins them fast at Dad. I stare up at the darkness and try to see how many bumps are in the ceiling; like stars, there are too many.

I tense when the risen-voices drop, stop. Then the Bullwinkle begins. A heavy step down into the hallway and then no more footsteps. One of them makes a whisper like a knife and then a thump against the wall. They are no longer my parents--they are a huge brown Moose that cries out in a high voice and is cut off.

The floor next to my door shakes--his feet are huge. I hear his antlers hit the wall high up, and then he heads into my parents bedroom across the hall. I'm terrified for them, almost willing him to push open my cracked door all the way and face me. I'm torn. Me or them? Me or them?

And I have no voice to raise. I cannot move my body and my hands shake as my door does creeps open, an inch at a time, in the dark. My parents's door bangs shut and there is a scolding sound and their bed bumps, hard, a closet door creaks fast, and my door looks widening and he's coming in to crush me and I can't scream.

It is past midnight as I fall alseep to the murmur that is weeping across the hall; pressed down into bedcovers, still ripples under my door, which is no more than cracked open as it was before, and my sister sighs in her sleep.

LA

(Yeah, hide it from the kids. Like you can hide it from yourselves.)

LA,

What a post. I could feel the terror and yes, even on the calmest of nights without fights, that kind of fear (noises in the dark) can really haunt a child.

So when there is real violence or fights going on....the children are not stupid, just terrified. How sad that the one's we trust are the one's who can give us the greatest terror. How very sad indeed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Crystal, you getting any of this or it still all about you?

L.

L.