It is sometimes hard to expose a loved ones affair to those whom you know hold the person you love in high esteem. When the WS begs you to not, through shame, what do you do?
A man, after the WW begged not to be exposed, chose not to expose. He also felt shame that his WW would do this and felt that he was lacking. It had happened in a previous marriage where he could see his own shortcomings. But although this time he felt shame, he knew, although not perfect, he had tried his hardest to make the marriage work.
He struggled to come to terms with the A, and the massive deception but still it was not understood, and he couldnt get the answers he needed to move on. The marriage of 10 years, faltered badly. He had had a drink problem 20 years prior, and with other problems on top of the A, fell victim to the drink again. Eventually close to a nervous breakdown, he did something so ridiculous that caused his life to spiral out of control for over a year. He told a massive lie, and on top, he was an alcoholic again. In his unhappiness he tried to end the marriage, but was unsure what he wanted. He had so many unanswered questions. Because of the lie he told, and was living, he felt guilt, he always thought he deserved the bad treatment he got from the WW.(After all, it had happened all his life, from his childhood, adolescence, first marriage, and now a woman whom he thought in a million years couldnt possible be a WW. A year later on and he admitted the lie, (perhaps his lie was something to do with the WW's lie and massive deception that had been going on for a year??)and lost all his family and freinds. He nearly lost his children too. To this day, the ex WW has used his behaviours over the last few years against him. In his guilt he took on unpayable debt (hers) which will be set against him for years, gave her everything financially and lost everyone. He walked away with no possesions and no support. Recently, after being sober for a year, and getting his life back on track again (although hard with insummountable debt over his head) he started telling a few people what started his downward spiral. No one believes him, and thinks he is making excuses for his bad behaviours and leaving her. She has, outrighted lied recently to people when questioned, and to this day is proud she got away with it, saying that 2 parents bad behaviours are too much for people and children to take. So he remains the scapegoat, and has lost his beloved family to her as she still actively sees them and holidays with them, but they wont have anything to do with him. He has lost out to a selfish WW, who spent a year with another man, and couldnt explain her own selfishness, just thought it should be forgiven.
Can you imagine, how it would feel to go off the rails because you couldnt cope with your WS deception, and then be blamed for it? He thought he was protecting her honour, and in doing so, he lost his own.
