I am new to this site and finding a lot of information, but I have not come across any ideas/concepts if a spouse is suspected to be a WW. We have been married 8yrs with two young children, and although the thought had passed in my mind once, I dismissed it. I never had any evidence or reason to suspect, other than just a thought, until the other day.

For our history, over the coarse of marriage I believe both of our EN have not been met from time to time, but I wouldnt catagorize that at a high enough level to walk away from the marriage. Although it would be safe to say her EN have not be met more than mine. As far as SF, from day one of marriage I have not been SF (only in terms of lack of frequency), while I do not know what level of SF she would state. A lack of communication in regards to this does exist and should be addressed to this issue as well.

What I am attempting to identify is if I should confront my suspicion of being a WW now or try to confirm by other methods in the upcoming weeks?
Without too many details, my reason to suspect is I found out about a home pregnancy test (negative result TG) which she did not mention anything about to me. (When the box was purchased she actually lied and stated it was a gag gift for a friend at a shower). While one chance would exist that the child could have been our next, our one encounter we had was protected, so the reason to take the test is very troubling and my basis for suspecting.

While I am sure many opinions will vary on this topic, I hope to find one that I can believe is my right choice to pursue. If I confront her now, I feel she would not tell the truth if there was infedilty, while if I find out on my own I then know the truth. Thanks for any advice, HB26.

By all means do some digging and try to find out. Otherwise she will lie, and make up excuses. That is what they all do.

You can put spyware on the computer, and check cell-phone records. You can put a recorder on your home phone.

The cheating partner is usually someone at work, a neighbor or friend, or someone she comes in contact with through activities or sports, or an old flame. Does anyone come to mind?

You should know that only abstinance has a 100 percent garuntee..

all other forms have some sort of failure rate...
and late cycles can sometimes result in a test here and there....just to rule out...

ark

HB - Welcome to Marriage Builders - Glad you're here, Sorry you're here...

As Believer said, get a key logger for the computer. Also, look into voice activated handheld recorders. One for your home, one for her car. If you've got some $$ look into a GPS that you can hide in her car also. Document everything and get ready for the rollercoaster...

Gib

You need to find a little more information first, HB. You've already confronted her on the pregnancy test...it won't have the effect you want. If you confront before you have some real good information--which is not to say courtroom grade proof--you could blow your best chance of getting anything from the confrontation.

Here's a link to a thread with some indicators a spouse might be cheating:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1018794

Also, you might want to check out a book by the title of Cheaters 180 Telltale signs Mates are Cheating and How to Catch Them by Raymoond B. Green. The book is pretty comprehensive, as you might suppose. I just checked. It's available at Half.com for as little as $7.00.

Hum.

I would say that in a healthy marriage, where both feel safe to state insecurities, I would advocate just asking why she took a preg. test.

It seems a bit weird that she would do such a thing if you practiced "safe-whatever-that-is sex." Sure do a little snooping. If nothing turns up, then I would just ask her. I don't know what YOU should do. If it were me, I would give her a chance to tell me the truth.

"You should know that only abstinance has a 100 percent garuntee.."

Tell that to Mary.

I will add that my WH and I had SF once after the birth of our second child, when she was just 6 weeks old, and with a condom. Guess what??? We got twins for that encounter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Trust but verify.

I found this an eyeopener.

signs of cheating

I think confronting is bad for two reasons:

1) all you will get is denials and reverse accusations such as "don't you trust me?" etc. and then you end up apologizing.
2) if an A is going on, you will drive it underground and make it harder to find.

Gather as much information as you can - then decide what to do with it.

All thanks for the opinions, as my initial thoughts were to gather additional info just as most are suggesting. How to gather the info seems to be the difficult part. No one I can think of comes immediatley to mind as to who could be the OM, and some of the behaviors/signs of cheating are there but I wouldnt immediately equate them to cheating. She works part time at night, so when I get home she normally leaves soon after. I would think that she would have to meet with someone after work as I dont believe she would let anything occur during the day with the kids at home. Her attitude did change in the past few days for the better (more positive and outward towards me) after the test, which I believe is a sign. We have always talked about more kids, so no reason to hide the test from me. Thanks again for the info, as I try to grasp this and identify what is happening. HB26