I lost my job yesterday.
Had known I'd likely be "let go" this month, so had given two weeks notice last Friday. Thought at least I could get
my files all completed, leave things in order, contact my
clients, clean out my things, and leave feeling as good
as I could about things being taken care of- and had even
offered to work two additional weeks since my co-worker is
going to be on vacation.
Yesterday we had a staff meeting before work then were just
going about a regular work day, until later afternoon when
one of the Directors from the head office came in. Shortly
after I was called into my bosses office, and told that since I had not been able to meet the requires sales goal,
they were sorry to have to accept my resignation, and that
it was going to be effective "immediately" !! I was stunned
since my boss had even said he thought my giving notice was
a very professional way of handling the situation and would
allow me to "wrap things up" and make sure my clients were
taken care of. After some short, patronizing talk from the
director, I received my paycheck, and had to go over all my
remaining files with my manager, letting him know what was
remaining to be done with each. As is company policy, all
the files were to be taken to be "audited", then will be
assigned to someone to complete. After it was all done, I
finished a few quick emails, had to pack up my stuff, and
was on the way home, just feeling "shell shocked " !
Knew I was leaving, but just to have it handled in such a
tacky and unprofessional manner surprised me, and I hated
not having everything done. Cried alot last night and felt
so down because I really enjoyed my job and liked my clients
and also because having the job to get up and go to had at
times been a lifesaver when I was so down about WH and our
situation. Talked to a couple of friends, and my parents
and all were very supportive, but it still made me feel like
dirt to be treated as I was (and it's the first time I've
ever lost a job).
Today I have done some more job hunting on the computer,
spoke with a couple of friends at my former job, talked to
a friend, and ran a few errands. I have IC tonight, which
should be helpful. It's so strange to go from wishing I had
more free time to having nothing but that now, and I feel
really worried about the finances. I don't know if I can
get unemployment, but I am going to try, and did get paid
up through yesterday, my June overtime, and the 80 hours of
vacation time I had coming. I also have my tax refund money
but hope I won't have to use it all up on living expenses-
I am still thinking of taking a short trip, just to have
a much-needed break, and will be checking on those options
tomorrow.

Have heard nothing new from WH and no more attempts to call
me from OW, that I know of anyway. WAs feeling funny that
she knew where I worked but at least now I'm not there !
Slammed

It's been a tough day- guess it's just now hitting me
that not only have I lost my H and our life together,
but now also a job that I really enjoyed.

Spoke with my former co-worker, who was extremely caring,
sympathetic and supportive, as well as some friends and
family, and also called a couple of my best clients to let
them know I was no longer at my job, all of which made me
feel better, but what I really missed and would have loved
would have been the care and support of my H, were he not
off in fantasy-affair land with the *HO* !

Ran some errands this afternoon and when I got home there
was a message from WH, saying he had tried to call me at
work regarding a question on our new health insurance
paperwork, but my office had told him I didn't work there
anymore, and he wondered, "what was up ?"
He then stated the insurance question, and said I could just
call back and leave him a voicemail with the answer, so he
could call his H/R department back. (as you'll recall email
was to be our means of necessity communication in Plan B,
but since he's now working outdoors everyday on his Comm.
Svc. project, he has no access to email). I found the info
he needed and called back to leave a message, and was very
surprised when he answered the phone. Kept my cool, tried
to be "business-like" and answered his question, and then
he asked what had happened at work. I briefly told him the
basics and that I'd lost my job yesterday, and he said he
was sorry, "knew how I felt", and even offered to call an
acquaintance of his who is the head of H/R at a local Co.
to see if they had any jobs. I thanked him for his concern,
said I needed to go. He then said "he wanted to tell me that
OW had moved out of his house". I just said "oh". Don't
know if it was the right time, but I said "so, are you
telling me this because you are ready to work on our M" ?
(in accordance with the PBL) and he said "No, that nothing
had changed, it had never had anything to do with OW, and
that he just wanted to be alone and on his own".
I said "Well, was just wanting to give you the insurance
info and there's nothing else to talk about then", and I
hung up.

I am stumped !!! Don't understand at all why he would tell
me OW moved out if he's not interested in me or our M still,
and is still quoting his same old WS "script" !!?????
Just can't figure out why he would tell me, but then be so
quick to make sure I don't think it means anything.
I realize that her moving out (if true) wouldn't mean that
the A was over, but I'd think it at least must mean they
are having some kind of pretty big issues, for her to get
her own place ?
Any thought or ideas ?

I'm sticking to Plan B, and not assuming anything has
changed, but have to admit I am curious about what is going
on, especially since OW tried to call me at work last week
and also called here at the house- seems very coincidental.

Slammed

Do you realize that you broke Plan B?

It's not supposed to be on and off again. I know he answered the phone. Then, you hang up...not continue to have a conversation..as if you are not in PLAN B.

I know. I was guilty of it too but it was a BIG MISTAKE. Each time, it set things back..him racing back to her with relief...."STILL GOT MIMI FOOLED"...Same for you, Slammed..He thinks he fooled you...YUCK...



He lied and then threw you a crumb of trying to help you...YUCK...That is bullcrap about him wanting to be alone..It is disrespectful of you for him to tell you that crap. Don't believe it for one minute. I'm so sorry that you talked to him.

Mimi...sighing....

Each time, it sets things back....

Slammed:

By now, don't you know that he's a liar? That was the point of PLAN B....

I'm not yelling at you..but I am trying to shake you back into reality....

Slammed...come in ..Slammed..can you hear me?..are you there?

Hi Mimi,
I suppose it was a break of Plan B, although since I have
no one to be intermediary and we have no way to correspond
via email right now, it seemed unavoidable to have to talk
to him regarding the insurance issue. I thought of hanging
up on him, but thought that would seem more like I was
playing a game since he would have seen my number and known
it was me, tried to call me back, etc.. and not just gotten
to the business at-hand.

I don't know that WH had any reason to think he had me
fooled, unless his saying OW had moved out was a "test"
to see if I'd still show any interest perhaps ??
However, he knows my feelings, what I think and what my
conditions are from the PBL, so why test ?

I do well know that WH is a very practiced liar, and don't
put much stock in anything he says- just have no idea why
he'd say OW moved out, but then immediately say it changed
nothing, he wasn't interested in US, didn't want to change
anything, wants to be alone, the usual.... if that was
giving me a crumb, he sure took it right back quickly !!

Do you have any ideas on why OW would be calling me ?

let's be poitive AND hope for the best.....maybe OW called to tell you she HAD moved out and that you can have your darn WS back cause she doesn't want him anymore <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

give it time...stay in plan B and wait to see what happens

i doubt that your H would come back right away if OW really did move out

i NOW know that each time OW told my H she was going to work on her marraige....he would start calling me again and tell me that maybe we could work things out...but he wouldn't DO anything but talk...cause he was giving her time to see if she changed her mind...and she did....each time...

but maybe one day it will be for real...the end and maybe this is it for your H and is OW

I don't think you are getting this, Slammed.

When you went into Plan B, you were seriously not supposed to have any contact with him until he met your conditions. Period. So you broke Plan B.

At this point, it's best not to care what he thinks about you and to disregard everything that he says.

By virtue of him being a WH ALIEN BEING, there IS NO LOGIC to what he is doing. Who knows why he said what he said? The important thing is that he is not wanting to reconcile with you. He needs to come running to you and begging you, Slammed. There is no need to ask him. If you are needing to ask him, then he doesn't want to reconcile.

Liar, liar, liar...that's all they do...same old lies..my H said all of those things..by the end, he had moved out of his new condo into the OW's house in a lowlife part of town where he was scared to go out at night to empty the trash....made no sense..still doesn't make sense to me..makes no sense to him either..it can't be explained logically...INSANITY..

Plus, who knows and who cares why the OW is calling you...you are no longer a part of their triangle..their craziness..

All that's important is that your H is not coming home and is not showing interest in coming home...

I'm just so sad for you....

All of this stuff sucks...

Thanks Eav, for the encouragement. I sure hope that OW has
really moved out and that it will be permanent this time.
I know they've broken up and then gotten back together a
few times now, but moving out would seem like a "bigger"
thing, if it's true.

I bet WH could be doing exactly what you described, as far
as maybe trying to "peak my interest", while still waiting
to see what would happen with OW. I hope she's finally
decided to move on, met someone else, or preferably, both
of them drove each other crazy and the love banks are very
empty so they won't get back together again !

Slammed

Hi Slammed,

I am so sorry to hear about your job. I know you were sort of prepared for that, but it still hurts and it sounds like they did not handle it professionally either. Where do you live? Do you know anyone who might let you stay for a few months in case you need a place? Do your parents live near by? Go to the unemployment office right away. Whatever you will get is going to help you out. And since you and your WH are not divorced yet, the house mortgage is still under both names, right? So if your WH does not want to ruin his credit, he would have to continue to make the mortgage payments. Try not to worry too much about finances (I know, easier to be said than done) - since he now knows your situation, he can't really ask you to pay for the house, right?

Are you willing to relocate for a job? I know, you still want your M to work, but I'm curious if you consider moving...

Milk

And how do you feel about him doing this to you...and you may have again opened up the door to allow this....

Slammed, she is still living with him OR they are playing their BREAK UP TO MAKE UP games. You are still being in an utterly disrespectful manner.

I hope you see this.

I hope you are beginning to find this type of treatment unacceptable.

I had to find a new job in the midst of my H's affair..on a whim.. at night... online... I discovered my present job..which I love..wonderful for my sense of self....continue the job-seeking TODAY....


I

Slammed - if you are interested in relocating, e-mail me - my company's main sales dept is hiring people who care about their clients!

Go, Slammed! Go, Slammed!

We're here routing for ya, Girlfriend!

Go, Slammed! Go Slammed!

E-mail, Kayla! E-mail, Kayla!

This may be a blessing that has been prayed up for ya...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi,for reminding me that WH is still an ALIEN, and not a person who has any logic or sense to what he does or says. It's sad and unfortunate, but true, that H is still
"M.I.A.".

I am glad that WH's 45 days of Community Service are almost
complete, since he will be back to his normal job and we
can again use the email for necessary correspondence about
the finances, insurance, etc. I know Plan B would have been
easier if I'd been able to have an intermediary and could
have avoided dealing with WH altogether.

I don't feel like the brief conversation yesterday set me back any, as I didn't put any weight into what he said,
didn't get upset about it, and am not changing in sticking
to the Plan B conditions. I was just curious as to why WH
would say OW had moved out but then immediately make sure
he said nothing had changed and he didn't want to work on
M.
I would guess if OW really did move out that he is putting
all effort into getting back together with her, or that it
is a ploy and game on her part, since she's done it before.
As you said, it is disrespectful of me, as has everything
that's ocurred in his having an affair. None of it has ever
been considered acceptable by me !

BTW, I loved the mantra you mentioned to Eav (PUSH) and
am really using that myself now. It's a great reminder to
keep the faith, keep trusting God to show you a path, and
to give it time
Slammed

Thanks Milk-
You're right- I knew the job situation was coming to this
end, but in giving notice I had hoped to handle it in a
much more comfortable and smooth way, and could have at
least felt some satisfaction in leaving things completed,
notifying clients, and having time to clean out my things.
I heard from a couple of people from the job yesterday, and
their impression was that my boss really didn't know how it
was going to be handled and felt very bad about it. I hope
he does feel bad and will try to be more of an advocate for
the employees next time.

I don't know that I'll be able to get unemployment, but I'm
going to apply anyway. I tried to check in advance to see
if my resigning versus being "let go" would be the deciding
factor, but the requirements are pretty vague so I don't
really know. They state you must have lost a job "through
no fault of your own". Talked to a rep from the Dept of
Labor, and they said it depended alot on whether or not the
company would dispute my claim. I don't know what their
policy is on this- they may try to say it was my own fault
I lost the job because I didn't meet the required sales
goals, but I am going to go from the angle that they did
little and poor marketing (which was their job, not mine),
and that we were overstaffed, making it hard for all of us
to reach the goal.

I should be okay financially for a little while, as all this
month's bills have been paid, I got my check through my last
work day, last month's overtime and my two weeks vacation,
and I got a good-sized tax refund awhile back. I also have
some savings and the small 401K from this job, that I can
use if I have to. WH has fussed a little about it at times,
but he has continued to pay the larger chunk of our joint
bills and expenses each month, and I think he will continue
to do that.
My parents do live here (I live in Colorado Springs) and are
being helpful and supportive. They knew I had hoped to take
a little trip, just to get away, and have offered to give me
some money towards it so I can go. I don't think any of my
friends will be able to go, but I used to travel by myself
alot, and am okay with that. I am going to plan it within
the next few days and want to go fairly soon, so that if I
get a job quickly it won't interfere, and also so I can
still use my good agent discount.

I'm not sure about relocating since I'd have to leave my
"support group" of friends, family, and familiarity here
(this is my hometown) but wouldn't completely rule it out.
My career field is not the type that generally pays to move
a person to a different location, so expense would be an
issue.
Hope your job situation has improved ?
Slammed

Kayla Andy- thanks so much for this offer. I will email
you to find out more information.
Slammed

Hi Slammed,

I am happy to know that you are doing great. You sound very strong and positive. Way to go!

If all of your family and friends are there, it must be hard to move, I understand. Besides, you are living in a beautiful place!

My understanding is that unless you did something illegal - like sealing something from the job, using drugs, etc., whether you were "fired" or "laid off" would not matter. But again, I know the company can dispute this, since, obviously, the company would not like to pay for this. Is it a big company? If it's a large company, it will most likely pay for the unemployment. If it's small, I am not sure - they may try NOT to pay for it. But it's a worth trying, and in the mean time think of the counter arguments.

I'll keep eyes and ears open for any job openings in your field, even if they may be located in different states.

As for my job, I was able to keep it. I had a meeting with my boss this week and I am no longer in the program they put me in 2 months ago. At the same time, some companies have contacted me (since I was applying for many positions over the past 2 months), and I will be having interviews with them to see what they have to offer. Thanks for asking. I'll be praying for you to get a job that will provide some stability.

It seems your WH is still deep in the fog. Letting you know that OW had moved out, and yet quickly telling you that "it does not mean anything". But that's something my WH would have done. My WH used to tell me (this is when he was so adamant about D) what he is doing to get spiritually grow. At the same time, he told me that he had signed up for e-Harmony. He also complained that he had not met anyone through those dating services - as if it's my business! They are crazy, so who knows what your WH was thinking. Probably NOTHING. He still feels so close to you and told you that OW had moved out (if that is the true statement) without thinking much, and then probably realized that the statement might given you some idea about your M, so he wanted to deny the possibility of getting back together. That's my guess.

Whatever it is, he is not thinking straight and you probably should not give too much thoughts on that. It's a waste of your time and brain power!!!

Stay positive! Have a fun weekend.

Milk

Slammed - I hadn't received an e-mail yet - but wanted to let you know, you wouldn't be relocating more than 9 hours from where you live now - you'd still be in the mountains!

Well, it's only been a week since I lost my job, but it sure
feels like F-o-r-e-v-e-r !! Funny how we get so set in a
routine and schedule- so not having to get up and off to
work and having a set schedule now has really left me at
"loose ends".

Have tried to keep busy, working on the computer several
hours per day with updating my resume and profile on job
websites, searching company job listings, reading job hunt
tips, etc. I've also done some things around the house each
day and have tried to get out to at least run errands or
do something so I don't go "stir crazy" in the house.
Naturally, the days I've been off have been some of the
hottest days all summer, so I've really missed being in a
nice air-conditioned office ! (most homes here do not have
A/C, as it is an extremely dry climate and rarely that hot,
but it's getting hotter every year now !)

Talked to my former co-workers and found out my job is going
to replace my position with a part-time person, which makes
more sense since part of the problem with not having enough
business was our being overstaffed. I am using that, along
with the lack of marketing by the company as part of my
basis for unemployment, which I filed for yesterday.
Will get more details and instructions in a day or so, but
was told it takes 4-5 weeks for the decision on whether or
not I qualify for any benefit. I am sure my company will
likely appeal it, but thought it couldn't hurt to try !

My goddaughter (22) was in a motorcycle accident Fri night,
so I've been spending some time at the hospital since, just
being there to lend support, or taking a "shift" with her
to relieve other family members (someone is staying with her
24 hours a day). She is stable, and was very lucky to not
be any worse than she is. Details are sketchy, but it's
thought that another biker "clipped" her bike, causing her
to lose control, fall over, get dragged several feet, and
hit the curb. She has terrible abrasions ("road rash") all
down one side, on her face, and part of her back, which are
the most painful injuries, but also a concussion, broken thumb sprained wrist and fingers, and is sore all over.
She will be in the hospital another 1-2 days, then will have
to be off work about 4 weeks, and will need some therapies.
(Her Mom is my best friend of 36 years,and her daughter is
named after my middle name, Michelle).

Nothing new with WH, and no more calls from OW (if she tried
me again at work, she would have found out I'm no longer
there !) I think Milk is probably right, in that WH may
have "slipped" in letting me know OW moved out, but didn't
want me to think it "meant anything". If she did move out
or they "broke up", I'm sure it was her doing, and that WH
is diligently working to "win her back", as he's done each
time they have broken up previously. I don't know if she
does it as an "ultimatum" or some kind of OW "Plan B", but
she has taken him back each time anyway. Realized the
other day that they have seemed to break up or have some
type of big "drama" about every 3-4 months since the A
began, so that must be about as long as they can sustain
the fantasy without having to "start over". Has anyone
else noticed a pattern or similiar behavior ?

Slammed

Slammed:

I still can't understand why you would believe your WH. Just because he said she moved out does not mean that she has..So, IMO, there's no need to further speculate about this or to think about this. A WS is by nature a liar and deceitful. You can't based anything upon what he SAYS only upon what he DOES. He is not wanting to reconcile with you. That's all you need to focus on..that's all that matters. Whatever he is doing is slimy...

Hi Mimi,
Very true, and didn't mean to imply that I did believe WH
was telling the truth, although something about the way he
said it, then immediately "disclaimed" it, did make me feel like it was an unintentional "slip" on his part, and the
timing, along with OW trying to call me, did make me wonder
if it might be true. (gut feeling ?)

I realize, however, that it doesn't make any difference to
me, or our situation, no matter what happened, unless/until
WH is ready to reconcile with me on MY terms. My feelings
are that I better not hold my breath for that.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
(feeling very discouraged that things are ever going to
change)

I'm sticking with your mantra though... (P.U.S.H)
Slammed