Thanks, LA!!

I get into SILLY MOODS...

Today is one of those SILLY DAYS..

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Miss you here LM. I hope you return. If not, God Bless and thankyou.

Sincerely,
Lady

Ladylayla,

Welcome to marriage builders.

I wondered when you would join in...lol.

Wish more lurkers would follow your lead. I lurked myself and can tell you from experience you'll get a lot more out of this place on the inside than out there.

Mr. W

Nice welcome. Thank You so much.


Can't rush into things ya know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemon... As usual, I guess I don't understand what this thread is all about..

But, Lemon.. you know how much I value your opinion !!!


Respectfully yours,

Carnation

Mimi...I've seen your silly days and have to say, you take the DJ out of silly!

LOL to MrW...great welcome. Nice comeback from Layla, huh?

Yup. We gotta live one.

LA

Exactky right lem,
Who do you tink you are, Clint Eastwood and you're going to ride off into the sunset with a cigar in mouth? You've got to be sh**ing me right?
We need you and you need us as much as anybody here on this site. It's called being part of the body of Christ, as much as you don't want to admit to it!
Stop all this nonsence and get back her where you belonng.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Lem -

You know I love ya! Please don't stay away.....I know we all need breaks now & again, but your input here is SO valuable.

Kim

JustPeachy:

With all due respect to Lemon's day job, his talent, skill, and busy schedule, he is no different than anybody else on these boards. His presence on these boards simply shows that infidelity touches all walks of life, classes, and income brackets. He is here for the same reason we all are, trying to figure out what happened in our marriages, use the boards as a coping tool, and help the newer BS's and Ws's who are not at the point where the veterans of infidelity happenings are at.

Wisdom from infidelity come from experiencing it, studying it, or from being a MC and specializing in it. I aprreciate all the veterans on these boards who give their experiences and their stories for all to read.

I would say when Lemon had his heart torn out due to infidelity, like the rest of us who did, he went through identically the same horrible emotions as someone with lessor education and role in society. I don't view Lemon as a hero but I view Lemon as a survivor of a horrible infidelity ordeal. He did the job for the OM as he was supposed to do.

These threads are filled with recovered marriages and the ones that were NOT lucky enough or successful in saving their own marriages must understand the word HOPE that all new victoms of infidelity need and want to hear. Every case is different and not all marriages are savable but MB takes a BS to a coping point regardless of the outcome of their marriage.

Infidelity is "classless".

TooSoon

As a newbie to all of this, sometimes you veterans do not realize that we newbies are not aware of all your stories. We just see someone with thousands of posts, are desperate for advice and assume that you long-timers are giving us sound advice based on your wisdom and experience. It does not occur to us to wonder what your experience really is and, many times, we cannot find out because your profiles are empty. Fortunately we have the ability to ignore individual posters (as I am sure many of you do or will for me). Unfortunately I did not find out about that feature until the damage had already been done.

Some (a very few) of you veterans seem to forget how susceptible we recently heartbroken really are. We take your advice as gospel - a voice crying in the wilderness. Many don't and it shows. I hate being here because of its implicit meaning. I wish that forums like this didn't have a reason for existing. I thank all of you who provide guidance and encouragment.

(BTW - I have never reported anyone to a moderator)

I really try to keep this mind because I remember when I WAS IN THE WILDERNESS and came here. You might see me being a MOTHER HEN..thinking about those of you who are not speaking out but are out there crying...

Without the TENDER CARE that I received here, I certainly would have RUN OFF and would have been left out there alone..

I hear you...

I hope folks will let me know when I am not being sensitive to the RAWNESS of your PAIN....

I am also glad someone agrees with me that LEMON should not necessarily be considered a HERO but just ONE OF THIS AWFUL CROWD who hates having to be here....

LOL.....ok, I have been reading the board today after a few days away and I felt that this situation has kind of been getting blown way out of proportion, so I thought I should set the record straight. Well, at least with MY ACTIONS, the speculation could end...and those who redally need more input and advice could be helped.

For the record, I must say, reading this post above by Mimi literally cracks me the F up.......(literally in sticthes- I needed that today) I mean come on...."I am also glad someone agrees with me that LEMON should not necessarily be considered a HERO"....classic Mimi, gotta love that one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If any of you have followed my story, I have never considered myself a hero in any way, shape, or form for doing what I did on the night of the 2nd d-day. As someone remarked above, I did what I have trained to do for the last 18 years of my life. For the record, I would do it again tonight...and not because I am a "good hearted" or "kind" person...not at all. It is what I do.....and I am paid very well to do it (38% Tax bracket <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />). Surely that is not why I do what I do....but if I needed to be called a hero or worshipped for what I did, I would have been out of this line of work a long time ago. That wouldn't be worth it at all.

In my line on work, you more or less have to take emotion out of what you do. When you slice someone's chest or belly open, you better know what the F what you are doing. Being "sad" or "angry" or having a bad day won't cut it if they die with you as the primary operator of their procedure. I have operated on and saved people who are FAR worse human beings than the OM was. And I am certainly no "hero" for doing that. I don't think that doing what we do as a job defines us as "hero's" or "good" people. That kind of thinking actually is what gets surgeons into situations that kill people.

When you think you are GOD, you'll deal with the severe repercussions of what happens when you realize you are not. SO Mimi, you can calm down, NOONE here really thinks I am a hero, and hopefully after this, the thread will die and you can breath easier and not have to hold your breath wishing that...LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So, the real reason that I started this thread was that I received 3 emails from posters (no names will be revealed)literally pleading with me to stop posting on the board, as my opinions were DIRECTLY affecting their marriages. Ofcourse, that is preposterous...but even I (who hates "coddling" and dysfunctional enabling behavior) decided to give it a few days of thought and think about this and grant the request at least for a few days.

While I was actually very dissapointed that my thread (on a perfectly legitimate topic) was closed, that is not what my absence is about. The situation with ML, etc. is dissapointing, but has been already adequately addressed and discussed here, so I don't want to mention that.

I want to clear up some things however. Folks, I am a big boy with strong opinions, and there is not a person on here ( short of banning me) who could "drive" me away from the site if it was something that I did NOT choose to do.

One of the things that I have stressed in my posts here is the concept of 100% personal responsibility for one's life. I love you folks, but come one guys.....please don't make others feel guilty for the actions those of us who may choose to take a break away from this board.

You know, there are some people here that I so strongly disagree with, that I am sometimes get literally nauseated just reading their posts. But as in all things, I have learned to NOT comment on their posts or more usually simply skim over what they precitably 100% say. It is a good tool that I would encourage others to do who may feel the same way with my posts (I am honestly "nearly" NEVER offended with posts against what I say or think....)....so one needs to NEVER worry that they are gonna make me feel bad about it.

What I find so discouraging is the scores of people here who CONTINUALLY blame others for THEIR OWN ACTIONS. Sadly, this is universally the Betrayed Spouse here. The emails I received were from people who felt that MY OPINIONS were not helping their marriages and were the reason their marriages were failing......NOT ofocourse that their Cheating SPouses were cheating on them STILL (100 times over)...but because of my "non supportive" and "harsh" and "tough" stance on things. Rather than reply back to them in person, I created the thread to let them know that their requests were being granted (for the time being at least). This is a decision that I CHOOSE to make (at least for today)....the stuff that has been going on here lately is probably just a cycle.....ups and downs...nothing probably new and that has not happened before. People come and go (for their own reasons). There will always be people here to offer "support" and encouragement.......and also sometimes sadly promote and enable Betrayed Spouses to continue being a willing volunteer to this devestation. I think certain people here are just "stronger" posters, or assert themselves better than others and then predictably people mistakingly place a few of these posters here (myself included) in such a position of strength from this, that everyone worries that the board won't be the same without them. Come on folks, that won't happen. As some of the stronger more influential people leave, there will be others who come in and take over that role on the board. If you look at it, you will see that EVERYBODY here fills some role. Some as rabble rousers (like me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />), some as the the "compassionate enabler", some as the hard core Plan A advocate, some as the astute writer, some as the exposure or PLan B advocate, some of us as Wayward Sposues offering us insight that we can't otherwise get. I think there will ALWAYS be people to fill those roles here. I think the board is going to be just fine...actually more then fine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Change is good.

So, those of you who know me, know that I am not someone who wants to be lauded or begged to stay. That aint my style....and I actually find it embarassing some times. It is NOT my MO to be loved and admired by everyone here...if it was, you would NOT see 95% of my posts. SO, to those others of you who have emailed me for a response to this post and wanted answers, this is it. I am not a big fan of public posts of "good-bye" only for the poster to be back in 5 days or 1 month later. When I leave the board for good someday, it will be done in the dark of night, no "goodbye's", "no farewells", but at the exact time WHEN I AM READY. When it is better and more healthier for me. These last couple of days were a reprieve for me, but at the requests of some people who were begging for it.....I am hopeful that my brief absence has helped their WS stay faithful to them.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I didn't say I was leaving for good, and I just want people to know that there could NEVER be a poster here that could make me do this (short of Tempest Banning me-and I doubt that will ever happen).

At the present time there are a few betrayed spouses who are terribly enabling their own CS affairs and I am actually naseous reading about this and would love to get in there and throw a few 2 x 4's and let them answer the tough questions for themselves, but with the new "TONE" AND "lets water it down and be "nicer" unofficial policy of the baords, I have to lay low for a few days and see where that goes. I am telling you, if that does happen, then I will still post, but just probably less. But that will always have been MY CHOICE....always.

So folks, untill we meet again.........stay <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Lemonman, MD (aka Sourmale)

Not on the main topic, but:

My opinion... the REAL heros are the one's who resist the label the most vehemently! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The firemen on 9/11 weren't heros because they perished doing the job they were paid 2 do. 2 me, they're heros (and so are those that survived), simply because they believed it important 2 try 2 save lives, that it was a right thing 2 do. It certainly is a noble thing 2 do (and like you said, regardless of whether the recipient of the noble act "deserves" it or no).

So, you could have elected 2 make good money in a "less noble" profession, I suspect. Sorry, hero label sticks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

...ol' 2long

Lemon:

In the past I have jumped down your throat for coming across too high and mighty on the boards, well at least that was my opinion. I never e-mailed you nor did I blame you for causing damage to other marriages.

It seems to me you have softened your old radical posts and you seem to give more hope to others on the threads, even to the more difficult MB cases. I think that is good. That is all we can do. Give the new BS's some hope, but with guidance, and to try and talk some sense into the WS's who are up to their eyeballs in fog-shiit.

Personally, I wouldn't leave the boards if I was you due to the personal therapy it brings each one of us. On these boards, I do not see you as a guy doing surgery but another regular joe who got your heart ripped out by a very selfish WS. After your wife did her WS surgery on you, she forgot to sew you up, which is probably what caused you to be overly harsh on these boards. That is why I refuse to elevate you above the rest on these threads and to put you in the hero status as some do.

A MB Hero, if there is such a thing, is one who throws his or her pride out the window, forgives the unforgivable, but does it for the benefit of their children and for the long-term benefit of the family. They understand the ripple effect of life.

Don't think I don't appreciate your day job, since we all need doctors, but this is MB's and this is your therapy and coping tool, as it is for me and the others who "have been there" too.

TooSoon

Lemon,

I still think u r that doctor on 'house'. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

U R a gifted man who I have great respect for. If I were to choose my ER doctor, it w/b you or somoene like you. Please don't lose your spunk and style.

You like many other strong posters here do more good than you realize.

You know your choices and opinions will bring flack. Bound to happen since we can't all please all, all the time. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> U know that.

Just wanted to give you an {{{{MB hug}}}}....don't blush.... it's not your style. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Lemon,

I really appreciate the above post and hope some of the folks feeling as though the board is going through some horrible transition will realize that this is just a normal cycle that most of us who have been here a long time have seen many times. Sometimes folks need some time off. Most of the time everyone comes back. And as you say....when we lose good people, equally amazing people step up to the plate and MB goes on. I've always liked your posts. I'm glad you set the record straight about how this came about, because obviously some people had the wrong idea.

The only thing I don't agree with is that the board is now going to be "coddleland" because tough truthful posts won't allowed. That's not going happen. Tough truthful posts have always been allowed.

a part of me didn't get all the hoopla..

I was assuming you were off on some silly task like reconnecting someones parietal lobes with their occipital lobes...or something so trivial..

or perhaps out off with some respiratory
therapist...
eating steak...going bowling and sneaking smokes....

ARKIE

GEE WHIZ!! LOL... Why do you tend to see me as getting upset over you? I'm just as calm as a cucumber...especially when the violins were playing...the music was soothing....

You see, you really think that you are ALL THAT...getting me riled...PLEEZ....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



I REALLY RESPECT THIS STATEMENT, LM!!

Try to disregard the HEART PALPITATIONS that you are imagining when you read my posts regarding you. OK?

And thank God starfish, kathi, JL, and others have been here to give me a few good years of rest... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LM---this place has rarely been coddleland. But it also hasn't been as rude and abusive as I've seen it lately (slashdotland). That's where the concern lies. And with regard to you---why did you post the post on "morality"? Did you not think it would have the potential to be devisive? If there are particular posters that you think aren't getting a point that needs to be made (especially in MB terms), it's probably more effective to address them on their own thread, in a respectful way.

Just for the record Lemon, I've been here a long time (since 1969) and I have no idea what my tax bracket is (just thought I'd throw that in for fun) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

but I love your style.

Happy trails to you...where ever they may lead, back here or there.

Thanks! Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />