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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions Hubby keeps violating agreements; going on too long and I am losing love

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Hubby keeps violating agreements; going on too long and I am losing love #1597196 02/22/06 04:30 PM
Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 90 E emmawtrs Member
emmawtrs Member E Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 90	How do you deal with issues that keep arising and keep arising and keep arising?? With the "I wont do it anymore" always being played?? I cant take it anymore. I am so unhappy and feel like a doormat. Issues may seem resolved for a week at best, then the old patterns begin to resurface again and again...predictible. I always feel like I just "Dont matter" in this marriage. I know WHY people seek affairs.....NO, I am NOT the type that would.....but I understand. I have the gut instinct that something is not right and something is going on, but I cant find out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I didnt think my life would be this unhappy. so, How DO you negotiate with a spouse who keeps violating agreements?? Thanks for any input. Emma

Re: Hubby keeps violating agreements; going on too long and I am losing love emmawtrs #1597197 02/22/06 04:50 PM
Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 975 J Jimmy Mac Member
Jimmy Mac Member J Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 975	You need to get more specific and give us some examples. What are the agreements? What does he do? Most likely, you are making superficial agreements without addressing "the real reason" for why things are happening. reason that "old patterns" return is that he or you need to change the basic relationship you two have. For example, if he is spending too much money, doing a budget may not work if you don't figure out "why" heare trying to spend more money than you make in the first place. (The "why" being that he believes that buying stuff will make him happy.) Another example: He agrees not to drink booze, but he is an alcoholic. He can promise all he wants, but without some support, he will continue drinking. FWS Married: 1976 AS: 1991 D-Day: 1992 AE: 1993 Still married.

Re: Hubby keeps violating agreements; going on too long and I am losing love Jimmy Mac #1597198 02/22/06 06:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Quote I have the gut instinct that something is not right and something is going on, but I cant find out What do you feel is happening? I will just tell you that I am a firm advocate of instincts after long hard experience. Every time I have ignored them, it has been to my peril. So I would suggest you heed them and check things out to see if there is anything to them. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

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