PG,
You sound more upset here than you did on your original thread. I was surprised to read what you wrote here.
From your previous post:
1st post:
This is my first post here. I'm not sure if I have even put it in the correct place or not but here goes...In a talk my H and I had the last week I told him i had been getting on this site and I had printed out several pages of stuff for him to read. (love busters and others on trust). Sunday he knew where it was at i got it out while in the truck. Monday i took it into the house and put it on his nightstand. that night before going to bed he reads through the first few love busters then puts it up to go to bed. has not touched it since and this is friday. he's had time and has been at home. this is also the same man that told me he'd do anything and that if i wanted to order the courses he would do it w/ me. how much longer should i give him to read what i've printed out? If he's not going to read that then why should i think i should purchase the course? Am I being to impatient?
2nd post:
This was short lived, one night stand as far as i know 1 1/2 months ago in jan. My main issue has been the total lack of respect for me as a person much less his wife and himself and out marriage over all. He continually lies and will or i dont feel he has given me a straight answer yet and if things really did happen as he says.....well lets just say it's a very sad thing that shows TOTALLY no respect. he would rather me resent him than tell me the truth. i'm getting to the point i can't stand him. he expects us to have sex and it all go away. i did turn him down for the first time last night though...hehehehe made him mad. LMAO i just think if he was really interested that he would be wanting to read more than what he has. perfect timing for all this crap..my b-day was the 1st and our 23rd ann. is sunday and i'm supposed to act as if nothing is wrong? i don't get it.
3rd post:
i'm not sure how to move this besides the ole copy and past thing....i can fully understand what you are saying by i took pleasuare in turning him down. for the matter of fact....i'm still so angry at him...and for the first time in 23 years i did it...so yeah....i'm glad i turned him down... okay...so the dj part...i'm still new to this...what the heck is dj???? sorry i don't have all the short lingo down yet.
*******
I reposted these to help believer and others see your concerns. thebraveheart was replying to your other thread, so I hope she'll see you here. I like the name you chose.
The first post of this thread...were you talking about what just happened, on your anniversary? May I give you an early Happy Birthday?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
When I was speaking of disrespectful judgments (DJs) on your other thread, I gave you a link to Lovebusters...did you get to read that yet?
Sounds to me like the way your marriage worked was pretty much with a rhythm you were both used to--you got through, over and around stuff...until now, you don't feel like you can really do what worked before. That happens. Living in reaction to each other eventually stops working because you can only react so often until you don't know where you end and he begins (and vice versa).
The incident you describe shows a lack of boundaries on your part...boundaries are what you must have in place for yourself, what you won't allow others to do to you with consequences.
These are well-thought out areas with pre-determined consequences you must hold yourself to, as well. Boundaries need to match your standards, what you won't allow yourself to do to others or yourself.
This eliminates living a reactive life and choosing to act from a code.
In the four rules of marriage here on the website, Harley says how for you to behave in your marriage. He does say how your spouse should behave or how to make your spouse behave in the way you want. Same with ENs. He provides you with the groundwork of a good, loving, respectful and honorable marriage...then he leaves it in your hands, to your code.
If the rule of protection means staying out of a bar, bowling alley or grocery store, then that might what is required to honor that rule. Sounds like you took what believer said, decided why she thought it, judged her and determined she made more out of what happened than you did. She also might have meant for right now, spending the 15 hours of undivided attention away from these environments might be helpful.
Sounds like you have a lot of pain, anger, frustration, lack of boundaries, with many resentments and a way of living not founded in respect. You can change that, if you'd like. Being respectful to others means you must do that also for yourself.
That woman did not make you blow a gasket--that was your choice of action. Seems like in your life, you react, others have control over you and you have none. Your first post wanted that to be different. See, reactive living, well, isn't. It is not safe, makes no sense and has no respect for anyone. Not blaming you...I believe a majority of us grow up trained to be this way.
Hope this helps,
LA
