Somedays I'm good with dealing with the A other days it eats me up inside.....I just keep going back to the lies etc. and it depresses me......how do you stop your mind from going back to that place.....we are in the process of trying to work on our relationship but I can't seem to get the lies and cheating out of my minds somedays.....other days I don't give it a thought at all......anyone else feel the same way?????

Everyone who has been cheated on does, my wife's A's were 2 years ago and I still get the images and thoughts in my mind like they were yesterday.

There's a medication that I'm on called TIME. It takes a while for it to work but it will.

Try to concentrate on other things that you like, or music.

That reminds me of a quote someone once told me.....
Give time time......think about that....profound isn't it!

I know time does heal.....so I'm hanging in there and I try to push the thoughts from my mind.....it doesn't help that he thinks I should be over it already.....His words I already swept it under the rug why can't you......My reply of course you swept it under the rug already....your embarrassed and wish the entire things would just go away.....

Thanks!

No prob!
You are new here, feel free to give more info, no one knows who you are anyways and we're all (unfortunately) here for the same reason but I'm sure you will get lots of ideas/ advice here.

My wife was the same, she didn't want to talk about it, got angry sometimes if I brought it up and wanted me to just get over it. Well...that doesn't happen just like that. He might still be in the fog and not fully grasp how much pain he put you in and what you're going through, once he realizes that, he will come around.

takes two to make a marriage work.. and only one to tear it down.

uhfin, thinking about it constantly is a normal part of the grieving process. It takes 18-24 months to recover from the shock of an affair, so don't expect it to go away overnight. Sorry you are here, my friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So sorry what you are going through. I am going through the same thing. Wish it on no one.

I found out five months ago about two ONS I have proof of and don't know if there was more.

I have those same images running through my mind. I don't know the details because he said he can't remember. Are the images far worse than the details would be.

Do you ever look and him and think Oh I just hate you how could you have done that to me?

Than there are better days when you think of how much you love him and you can get through this.

I don't know what to say to help you get those images out of your mind and forgive. But, know your not alone, I am with you.

At times I think I am crazy about the way I feel. But I just can't help but feeling that way.

Hope you find a way. If you do please share.

Fill your mind with good things.

Avoid situations whenever possible that start your thoughts on a downward spiral.

For me I pray, and when my thoughts are too persistent to be able to pray, I sing.

Dear friend, you are so not alone. I struggle with that too as it never seems to go away. I wish for just one day that it would not cross my mind. I am currently out of town at a training for work (at a beautiful resort & hoping for a little R&R) and one of the topics discussed today was office romances. I just sat there and couldn't say a word. Although I had plenty to say, it was stuck in my throat. Of course, none of these people had a clue, but I felt like it was written in red across my face.

One day at a time...thank goodness we found this site. I think it will keep our sanity.

Hang in there, it has to get better.

BS 46 (me)
FWH 46
D 16
S 13
DDAY 1/3/05

In recovery

Yes, there are lots of us who feel the same way - unfortunately. But on a positive note, you are not alone and we can vent and support each other here. You have helped me just by asking the questions, reminding me that I am not alone either.

My FWW also said "You need to get over it because I have already moved on" Hah! Easy for you to say!

I have gone from "I forgive you", to "I want to forgive you", to "I am trying to forgive you", to "I really don't even know what forgiveness is", to "I think forgiveness is a process and I'm somewhere in that process"

Whew,,,I'm glad I'm somewhat 'normal'..I was just thinking tonight of how the A is constantly on my mind and if it doesn't go away soon, I'll go nuts...I'm still so suspicious of everything he does too.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
18 to 24 months?!?....

My husband's A is all I think about when I am not working. It has made me so suspicious of everything he does. I do not trust him at all and he has tried to do everything that pleases me. Until right now....

Tonight was a scheduled poker game night with a bunch of his friends. This is something he has always done for years. I found out that when he was cheating, he would head to OW house after the game. He has played poker twice since DDay but tonight for some reason it does not sit well with me. I didn't want him to go but he did anyway. Very selfish of him.... Is it wrong of me to of wanted him to stay home

I always trusted him, never doubting him, and now I am the one sitting home crying cause it hurts so bad and he is having a good time with his buddies playing cards. Supposidly.....

Ekaydee,

Have you read about he Policy of Joint Agreement: Never do anything without the enthuiastic agreement of your spouse? It's on the MB site, and he shouldn't do anything unless you are enthusiastic about it...especially in this area, where you are sensitive and mistrustful.

Perhaps you could read the articles on it and discuss it with him. It's a way to keep long-term love and trust alive. It seems tough, but it works, I promise!

If only we had known about it years ago, I wouldn't have kept shoving down my uncomfortable feelings which made my love eventually burn out. Now we're working to regain that love.

You're doing great! It's good to tell him how you felt when he went to play cards. And keep telling him until he listens. He should be willing to negotiate a solution that makes you BOTH happy. If not, then he's LB-ing.

Good Luck!

Thanks everyone for all the support....well we had a big fight this morning....I asked him to see his cell phone bill and he got really mad....I said you must have something to hide if this is your reaction.....He said he would show it to me but also said I'm not going to live like this....I told him he had given up his right to privacy once he made the choice to have an A....I told him if this relationship was going to work he needed to show me the bill or he could pack his stuff and go.....He was screaming yelling at me and I was as calm as good be for some reason.....This of course just makes me think about the A even more......18 to 24 months....someone HELP!!!! Somedays I think I can move on and have a relationship with him again somedays I don't think I can and other days I jus t think I'm crazy

You are right to be suspicious with that kind of behavior, and you handled that very well. Check the cell phone records, but check out everything else you have access to, also. You will soon find out if there's something you need to know.

Hi, sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop thinking about it. You can't help thinking that they lied so well before, what's to keep them from doing it now. My FWH deceived me so skillfully, I'm scared to death of letting him pull the wool over my eyes again. That fear comes from knowing he absolutely could, as he did before. Maybe this is where your fear comes from, too. I guess all I can offer is this: Have faith. Really, faith is all we have. We have decided that our marriages are important enough to us to risk being a victim such as this again. Let's face it, part of the process of deciding to save our marriages included accepting that our WSs could very well do it again and that was a risk we were all willing to take. I think it's all fear. We're scared of having our WSs de-value us yet again, except now, we are (hopefully) better prepared to deal with that.
Just be strong. I know it's easier said than done. At least I can say that I don't think about it as much as I used to. It used to invade every waking minute ( and some sleeping.) It was invading my very SOUL. As time marches on, it invades less frequently. My hope is that someday, maybe, I can go an entire day without it creeping in on me.
Our FWSs need to understand, however, that we may all be forever on our guard. Unable to let it down. I let my gaurd down for 15 years and found out I was being taken advantage of, being played for a fool.
If you are wishing for everything to just go back to your notion of "normal", you're in for a disappointment.

You'll never be the same.

Whether you're better or worse is entirely up to you.

I'm trying for better, but I feel I'm failing. At least I have this place and these people to help me through, and so do you.

Just keep breathing, ok? It will get easier.

uhfin04- I have had this EXACT conversation numerous times with WH. He gets irate saying he will not live under a microscope. He kept his word- he left. But you have to keep doing it. You have to make him accountable for his actions- do not stop looking at the phone or email!