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Okay, then, I suppose we expose our children to all of the violence, etc. on television and the news?? Please, this view is so hypocritical as we also filter many things we believe our children should hear. And, no, I don't believe EITHER parent should give a negative impression of the other parent. Children should be free to love both parents. The marital problems are just that, between marital partners. It's really refreshing to know that we should discuss in detail every character flaw of a parent...How ridiculous!
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"There is none so blind as he (or she) who will not see."
How sad.
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It is not for the children to have to carry the burden of who is wrong within the marital relationship...they should feel free to love both parents...believe me, that burden would make them feel as though they are not free in that way
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Okay, then, I suppose we expose our children to all of the violence, etc. on television and the news?? Please, this view is so hypocritical as we also filter many things we believe our children should hear. And, no, I don't believe EITHER parent should give a negative impression of the other parent. Children should be free to love both parents. The marital problems are just that, between marital partners. It's really refreshing to know that we should discuss in detail every character flaw of a parent...How ridiculous! ... No one is saying give a "negative impression of the other parent"...just the truth, which in the case of infidelity, is a negative, like it or not...it is what it is...plain, simple and ugly... You teach your children to "hate the sin, not the sinner"... The children will be angry at the WS, when the truth is revealed, rightfully and justifiably so, wouldn't you agree? But anger a child most definitely can and will get over...having moral improprieties ingrained in their pysche is another story... sfjaj, what's going on with you today that is causing you to respond so defensively to others? Pull one of your threads and talk to me about what's hurting you right now... Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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It is not for the children to have to carry the burden of who is wrong within the marital relationship...they should feel free to love both parents...believe me, that burden would make them feel as though they are not free in that way sfjaj... Who are suppose to be the role models for children when it comes to marital relationships? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I believe it does more harm than good. It's easy to talk about the "truth" and not truly ponder how we present to others, particularly children
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I believe it does more harm than good. It's easy to talk about the "truth" and not truly ponder how we present to others, particularly children ~sfjaj Okay, sfjaj, and of course you are free to believe whatever you wish... I think that you should ask yourself why is it necessary for you to argue to the point of antagonism about everthing that you don't agree with. I'm willing to bet that swimming upstream on this board helps you to escape dealing with your own issues...Escaping from reality is why you chose to have an affair in the first place, btw...you chose that route, in lieu of facing your issues and working through them...those issues, by the way, will be there until you decide to own them and work through them...Escaping from yourself isn't possible... I hope that you will remember that I do understand...and that what I say to you is offered with kindness... Mrs. Wondering
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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And, no, I don't believe EITHER parent should give a negative impression of the other parent. Children should be free to love both parents. The marital problems are just that, between marital partners. Hopefully, you are not saying that a CHILD should be forced to look up to a parent who is IMMORAL? That would be IMMORAL and would be gross neglect on the part of the parent who has a RESPONSIBILITY to teach his child right from wrong. Children are to be taught RIGHT FROM WRONG, not to be protected from the bad behavior of parents. Children SHOULD HAVE a negative impression of NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR. It does not help them to believe lies and illusions. Immorality is much, much more than a "marital problem," it is a MORAL problem and children should not be given a false impression of any adult just to manipulate them into admiring someone who certainly DOES NOT DESERVE IT. Children should NOT look up to immoral people. Do children love their parents? Of course, doesn't mean they should be taught to admire immorality.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I believe it does more harm than good. It's easy to talk about the "truth" and not truly ponder how we present to others, particularly children What harms children is immorality. What harms children are parents who don't teach them RIGHT FROM WRONG or try to trick them into admiring unadmirable behavior. I can't think of anything more evil and pernicious than a parent who would teach a child that wrong is right just to protect an immoral parent. Children can deal with the truth quite well, they cannot deal with lies. They instinctively sense right from wrong and when well meaning adults wrongly don't validate these instincts, children become morally confused and filled with self doubt. To not give children the moral training they need is to damn them to a life of moral confusion and perhaps even immorality themselves; that is child abuse.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am a very, very firm believer in children being told the truth.
Children are not stupid and at a very young age know when they're being lied to. We (my H and I) told our adult children. It was hard and a very tough time for us but I'm pleased they know they truth and it won't be a family secret that raises its head many years from now (say, at a funeral for instance).
Unfortunately, children knowing doesn't protect them from going down the same path. OMs father left 4 teenage children and didn't speak to them again for years. You'd think he wouldn't want to do that to his own family but it didn't stop him.
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I completely disagree...perhaps people should learn to examine the logs in their own eyes before worrying about the speck in others'.
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perhaps people should learn to examine the logs in their own eyes before worrying about the speck in others'. yes, everyone should, even you. But what does that have to do with the subject at hand? The subject is telling the children the truth and giving them moral training. That is a parental responsibility.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, ML...I already have examined mine and laid it out for those like you to judge and ridicule me. It is also the responsibility of parents to provide an atmosphere in which children feel safe loving both parents
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It is also the responsibility of parents to provide an atmosphere in which children feel safe loving both parents No, it is the responsibility of parents to tell the children the truth and teach them right from wrong. Whom children love or don't love is their own choice. No one can dictate such a thing to any child.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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After my WW moved downstairs a few nights ago the kids have gone completely nuts. They don't listen to me anymore and talk back to both of us.
I hate myself for saying this, but I'm really starting to despise her, how safe an atmosphere is that sfjaj? I really, completely loath individuals who take no responsibilty for their actions. It shows an utter lack on integrity and character and I pray our kids don't learn from those examples.
FN
Divorced April 26 2007...
REMARRIED to a wonderful woman October 13, 2012!
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Children do not need to be burdened with that type of information... Yea, but they are. In fact many feel it is their fault the WS is behaving like an [censored]. Don't ignore the children and don't pretend they don't know. A parent who does is a fool. That's WS mentality. L.
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I never said anything about ignoring the children; they just don't need info specifically about an A -- "mommy and daddy are working through problems" acknowledges it without making it unsafe for them to love both parents.
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