Post deleted by moving_on

Only red flag I see is that she thought he was already divorcing upon meeting him...meaning, she knew in short order he was still married. My personal view is that she didn't cheat on him - the two of them were not married. An odd gray area, so best to look at it technically.

No, I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater." That is, if they learned some valuable lessons and changed. And yes, it can happen.

Your girl probably went through a lot of heartache with the lies of her married man, and I'm sure she had lots of time to consider what he was doing to his wife. Hopefully, she wouldn't do something that painful to someone else...like you.

Talk about your fears with her...calmly. Do voice them, I don't think this is something to avoid. A good idea to give the relationship some time before marrying, especially in light of your concerns. Time will help prove her faithfulness and intentions.

here's what i think i can add. i refuse to repeat any of my bad habits nor accept bad habits/character traits from others. i started dating three weeks ago. so far i have encountered two girls entirely too young for me and i am not being patient with either one and a married woman who is considering leaving her husband and i am playing hot potato with her while trying to counsel her/be her friend.

i never cheated, but my stbx did (i recently found this out but i don't care). cheaters are all alike. like alcoholics and gamblers they lie and lie a lot. go with your gut. she may be awesome now, but will she cheat on you in a year or so when you aren't the hot new thing in her life? instinct is everything. i went against all of mine 8 years ago when i married, now i am in this crap.

good luck though.

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Off topic but wanted to say "Thanks" to gekko.



gekko,
As a BS whose exWS (age 47) left for a 21 yr. old OW, this is soooooo refreshing. You made my day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

10 partners in 3 years.

Sowing her wild oats or looking for something permanent?

I would be careful with someone who cannot delay gratification in a relationship. The relationship with the MM and cheating on him for instance... poor judgement and well, does it seem needy to you?

Sorry if I sound harsh, but looks like she has a lot of growing up to do. Be careful of the fun element in your girl-- kids are fun, but do not have the responsibility of an adult! Is it okay with you to be the 'adult' or caretaker in this relationship? Is this what she needs?

Many cheaters are irresponsible, conflict avoiders, have high sense of entitlement and cannot delay gratification. They resent the slightest hint of being controlled. Look carefully to see if she manifests any of these traits.