Hi, Originally my W was fired from her job in Dec of 2004 for lack of proper book keeping. This Jan. 2006 she was charged with a class C felony of stealing. They say she stole 16XXX dollars from The Charity were she worked. She lied to me about all of this.

D-Day
On Feb. 18 2006 my daughter told me that my wife was having an affair with another man and that the 8th month old baby we just had was not mine. That evening I called my wife that was out of town with the baby. I confronted her and she lied about all of it. The next day my two kids 13 and 11 and me moved to my mother’s house. Thank God for my family, what great support they have been. My wife agreed to a paternity test. On March 2, 2006 I found out that the baby was not mine thru the DNA testing. This had to be the worst day of my life. I went to confront my wife at our home. She pushed me out of her face and I lost it and assaulted her. She didn't file any charges on me. I think she understood why I did it, no matter how wrong it was of me to do it. I am sorry I did it, and have even told her that. The OM live in the next state over and he is about 8 hours drive time away. She meet him thru friends of ours. She has destroyed my trust in this marriage and now even my kids do not want anything to do with her. She doesn't know why, but I do and I know God does. I have filed for divorce, something I thought that I would never have to do, nor did I really ever want to in my life as I thought marriage was until death, but what she did even God said is even bad. I still love her and the baby that’s not mine, I raised it for 8 months as mine. I have taken my kids to counseling and the counselor said that they have no problems. Matter of fact he said they are handling this better than any other kids he has met in quit a while. He said I did a good job raising them. I am going to counseling myself and he said it would take quit some time before I would be able to except all of this.I also found out she forged my name to three credit cards and maxed them out. She said she paid bills with them and payed for gas when we didn't have enough money. She maxed them out in one month.

Am I doing the right thing by trying to work it out? Should I stop or post pone the divorce, will she ever stop lying and change? Am I just crazy? Will my Family and friends ever respect me again if I go back?

The advice I give is that of a man who does not feel the attachment, love and connection with your wife that you currently feel.

I would leave this woman behind in a heartbeat. It's one thing to know she had an affair. Thankfully that's all most of us have to swallow. But your wife has had the child of another man and has stolen money . . . from a freakin' charity!!! She has no morals my friend.

What would you advise a buddy of yours to do if he was married to a woman like this? You know the answer.

If your children are dealing with the separation/divorce so well, why are you trying to place them back into the ****** that your wife has built? So she can be back in their lives?!! What is the benefit of that?

What the he!! did she buy with those credit cards? Look it up and tell us, did she really pay bills?

The only thing that is causing your confusion is your emotional feelings for this woman. Every logical thought you are capable of says to never be vulnerable to her again.

There are people out there who will love you and your children the way you deserve.

This woman is absolutely toxic to you and your children. She steals from a charity and tries to pawn off another man's baby on you her husband. Do not postpone the divorce unless you are a complete masochist. Why in the world would you want this woman around your children. What a great roles model she is. You and your children deserve better. Are you going to allow her to destroy you and your children?
Open your eyes and move on and get her out of your life. You and your children deserve better. She clearly has no respect for you or your children. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
P.S. If the OM is married expose this to his wife since he will now be responsible for paternity payments.

She paid one credit card with another. One that should have been paid with a loan that we took out on a car I had paid for. Most of the charges were Wal-Mart and gas.

He is not married. The OM(father of baby) is only 26(my W is 32) and lives at home with his mom and dad so he can support his other child and continue his hobby of racing cars.

She would say she is going for training and would see him when she was gone. She actually had two guys she talked to all the time in the same city.

She stole the money and ran big cell phone bills up to talk and see the other men(2), is what i suspect. Maybe some gambling too.

She was having the credit card bills sent to her mom's house. Thats how I found out because when I moved and forwarded my mail I got a letter about the change of address for the bank.

I wrote a letter yesterday to try and drop the credit card charges against her, trying to be nice. She has been to counseling last week with me and tonight if I let her go.

From what I have read on this site is what she did is not out of line with what W does when having an affair.

vsixer,

Here is the deal. The Harleys' won't even counsel someone on marriage if they are addicted to something else. Why? The addiction will overpower all efforts to rebuild the marriage. The addiction needs to be dealt with first.

Frankly, I don't know what your W is addicted to, but it sure is not and has not been honesty, love, or commitment. I see NO CHANCE given her criminal activity, and clearly misusing money, that she will make a decent W unless and until she gets seriousl and deep counseling.

I would be inclined to divorce to protect yourself financially. If she obtains counseling, and she proves to be a good mother, then you two could consider getting back together again. Further, from a legal standpoint you have a limited time in most states to renounce the paternity of teh child OR you will be legally and financially responsible for this child until adulthood.

You need to get these issues sorted out with a lawyer.

God Bless,

JL

Dude,

What she has done is truly criminal. Save your kids and yourself. Get out and don't look back.

You have been given very sound advice from the posters above. Take heed my friend, you could become responsible for a lot of that debt to society and if so, where would your children be? How much will they suffer because of your WWs very poor choices? Just something for you to think about and my .02

Well I have decide to go ahead with the divorce. I can not allow her to ruin my finances. I make decent money. I think we are going to continue going to counseling to see what happens. I have set a time limit of six month. If she can not show me responsiblity, love and trust it will be over.

I know I was not the best husband in the world, but I never did the stuff she did.

She is not going to jial. They have a plea of SIS 5 years probation and restitution with community service. Stealing(none violent) first time offences get of pretty easy. I do know if she messes up in that probation that she will go to jail.

Thanks all

Hi vsix,

I am certainly no pro at this. I am rather new here myself and facing uncertainty.

I have to say your wife has gone as low as one can go. There is only one way left for her wich is up.

Regardless of who biologicaly fathered that baby - that baby is your baby. You have fathered that baby for 8 months. You have been the saving grace for that baby, not just for 8 months, but for the 9 months prior. Where would she be w/out you?

Regardless of what happens in your marriage (I am a sucker and a believer) I think there is hope - if you cannot imagine a life w/out your wife and your baby then don't. Save it.

best of luck to you

Julie

I agree with getting a D, or a Legal Separation, to protect you and your children’s finances. The sooner the better. If your WW ever cleans up her life you may explore reconciliation at that time. But you must cut her loose to face the consequences of her actions right now. You do not deserve those consequences.

But, you need to see an attorney about some of the impending legal consequences. You are probably already liable for the restitution to the charity she stole from. You are also legally responsible for the credit cards she maxed out since you were married at the time. You really need to go over this with your attorney as soon as possible.

Another word of caution:

Marriage Counseling (MC) will do no good whatsoever if your WW is still in any type of contact whatsoever with any OM. She will lie, obfuscate and generally tell you and the MC whatever she thinks you want to hear. But she will not stop what she is doing.

So, save your MC $$$ until they will do your M some genuine good.

With prayers,

PS: Is there meth involved? Sure sounds like it.

Tell the parents of the OM about the child that he now needs to support. You are not protecting anyone by keeping this a secret.

End the MC and get a divorce. Your wife is so addicted in multiple ways that marriage counseling is like treating a gaping chest wound with a bandaid.

Tell your wife's parents and the OM's parents about the affair (and the child). Reality is the means to end an affair.

Most important: Keep your children safe and away from your wife's path of destruction. You will thank yourself for doing this later on.

well the OM changed his cell phone number. He doesnt want to talk to me. Imagine that. I only talked to him once and he hung up on me. I do not know his parents or how to get ahold of them. I have tried searches on the net but no luck.

I think W's mother new what was going on. She is D and her H is not a good father to my W's two 1/2 brothers which are just a few years older than my kids. My W never knew who her real Dad was only what her M told her.

I gave her some ultimatums tonight during the counseling, I even showed the counselor. He really drilled her tonight about her problems and asking what she thought the problem was. It was the best hour I have payed for yet.

It looked like it was coming down to her childhood and the lack of a father figure and that her mother left her by herself with no food and a unclean house to live in. She bounced between her family alot too.

She has yet to pay me any money for the car she is driving the insurance for the house she lives in, or car or give me one cent for the kids. She has bought them some stuff but not much.

I hope it works out in the end. I still do love her and the baby, but she has to face her crimes and admit to the kids what she did wrong.

I am only willing to spend 6 months on it. If it is not 90% by then, I am moving on. Life is two short.