Just been busy b/c H was off work this weekend. Funny re: soaps. That's a joke we have, he always jokingly accuses me of just sitting around all day and watching soaps...I don't...it's more like TLC,Phil and Oprah...I've now told him I sure don't need soaps or the reality version of them..Phil and Oprah...b/c my life turned into one! He went to Chicago a couple of weeks ago and I told him he'd better stay as far away from the Oprah studios as possible and run if he saw a camera approaching him...Ha, Ha! I posted to your Translator thread...We had a good weekend too. Just seems like things are more back to how they used to be but with an improvement which is wierd for me to say b/c really things weren't bad before. Our initial counseling session was with a pastor and I'll now be scheduling for him to see a licensed christian counselor for IC to address his SA as a child and of course the current issues.

It's good to know that you're doing well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sometimes, I used to watch those reality soaps just to be able to tell myself that "At least my life isn't as FUBAR as the people on TV right now." hehe What a concept, right?

I've pretty much maintained an 'even' ride on the roller coaster since Friday. We had a fuss Thursday after MC that started from me expressing feelings and her taking offense to them. It turned into a fuss about something completely stupid after which we made up, yadda yadda. Seems to be kind of a pattern for us.

When I kept having to drive all over the flipping country to get my car that the mechanic couldn't seem to fix properly (always on Saturdays), we'd end up fussing on Saturdays and whatever plans we had were toast for that day. Not because we were fussing all day, but because by the time I got home from driving all day and we had our fuss, it was really too late to do anything.

One fuss a week is better than one fuss a day. Hopefully, they become fewer and fewer. I guess time will tell. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's been 6 weeks and I don't feel like my stomach is going to evict itself from my body by way of my nose any more. I think the reality of how slow a process this could be is starting to kick in.

I still worry about her saying she knows she committed to the set amount of sessions with MC. I worry that she'll just finish those and say she's done with it. I worry that she's doing all this encouraging to get me back into school so that I'll have financial burden and no income and she'll have an upper hand to file for D and try to take the kids.

I'm going to wrap it up for now though. I've got IC in less than 2 hours, then errands to run after that. That's what started the fuss Thurs was when I expressed my worry about me going back to school.

Sorry about dumping on you in your own thread! Feel free to vent on mine whenever you like. LOL I'll check on you later on. I'm glad you feel you're doing well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I would say only one fuss a week is good...in any relationship, at any stage. There's always going to be something to hash out or just days when you are tired or grumpy and make a mountain of a mole hill. I know even with my doing "good" right now, I feel like I still get upset over something and it's really not what it appears. I think it's the hurt from all this that bubbles under the surface. You are right...this is going to be a long process and slow at times, rapid at others.

Regarding why she wants you to finish your education, remember not to put words in her mouth. Her motives may not be at all what you think.

As for IC, my H went for the first time last night. He was able to talk to me about it quite a bit. Of course, nosy me would have liked to know every word. He told me a lot. He didn't really want to discuss his homework. I think it is related to the SA that occurred to him as a child so I totally respect that. Hope you have a good session today. As for your MC, I do hope she will go beyond what she has committed to. Just keep remembering that no matter what she does, you are doing your part and that is all that you have full control over.

My H and I have a date tonight so wish me luck...no line dancing for us so we won't have hurting feet like you two!

What I like about two-stepping and waltzing etc is the physical contact. Lots and lots of physical contact. We dance REALLY close sometimes.

IC was ok. More of a info gathering kind of thing. I was able to vent to an actual human instead of a computer (not that there aren't people behind the screens so no offense meant to anyone and don't flame me).

I wasn't complaining about being sore so much as just saying we danced until we hurt! It was a great time. We plan on going back this coming Sat. Prolly gonna do a picnic on Sun with the kids. Take a frisbee, have a good time.

We had family game night last night. Played Sorry and Mastermind. Had a pretty good time.

So far as her motives for my education, the trust just simply isn't there. It's like, you know someone is a prankster and a practical jokester, so every time you're around that person, you're "on guard" whether they have something planned for you or not. If she's genuine about it, that's all fine and great, but I don't want to find myself up poopy creek without a paddle.

Have fun on your date. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't think anyone would take offense at you being happy to vent to a real live person.

Sounds like you all have some good family time going on.
That must make your W happy. Women love that!

I understand your "on guard" attitude. I do hope she's genuine but know only time will tell.

Our date was pretty good. I won't go into the gory details but I love busted once...we recovered from that.

I had a horrible dream last night that I came home and he was on the computer. He had to quickly leave the office and I locked the door and discovered he was chatting in his old Married but looking room. I read pages of pages of dialogue and was in hysterics. The nightmare seemed so real and lasted forever. Of course when I woke up, I felt like cr*p. I'm just now starting to feel okay. It made me realize how I would feel if he fell off the wagon. My heart rate goes up just thinking about it...

Hi March,

I totally can relate on the nightmare thing. I had one a couple of weeks ago that felt SO real. The second time my H went to the OW, he got up at 2:30am w/the excuse that he had an early job that morning. Well, that's exactly what the dream was; that I woke up and he was gone, etc. It was so scary.

Hang in there...that's all we can do. We've had some rough days over the past couple of weeks, but we're working through them which is encouraging. My H went to a different Christian 12-step last Fri which he really liked (he didn't like the first one he went to). I was so glad, b/c I really wanted him to go, but he didn't think he needed to. I just told him that I needed him to go and he ended up having some really good revelations.

I pray you guys get exactly the right kind of help you need and that if you don't at first that you keep looking till you do find it. Take care!

March,

Shame on you for LBing! (grabs licorice sticks) And yes, WW had fun with family game night, but only because she thoroughly WHIPPED the respective arses of her family members at Sorry. LOL (That game is so cut throat and vindictive)

I hear you on the dream thing. I sat straight up in bed the other night, out of breath, mad as all get out, heart rate up. I won't go into the dream because I really don't care to remember it, but OMG was I mad. Even though I knew it was a dream, it took me an hour to calm down enough to get back to sleep.

A day, a step, one leg, one bite. It's all one at a time. Sometimes when WW and I are together, it feels like there's nothing wrong. Sometimes, my imagination runs wild and I end up hating myself. I try to look at it like the HI LO game on The Price Is Right. I rolled a 2 with the die. The odds of the number being higher are good. It quite possibly can only get better from here, right?

24, Good to see you. Welcome to our mess. LOL

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

24give...good to hear from you again. Glad to know you are making it through the rough days. Won't it be nice when they are fewer and further between? Sorry you've had the nightmares too. IDK about you but it has basically wiped me out for today. I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow. As Scarlet says, Tomorrow is another day!

I'm glad he found a 12 step program he likes. My H has started IC and is considering our Celebrate Recovery program. It may be hard for him to do both working 80 hours a week. Our insurance will only cover IC so I think I may do that. It won't cover MC but his IC counselor said he would eventually do some sessions with both of us...kind of two for the price of 1.

Ow, Drex...I feel the wrath of the licorice stick! I also feel your pain on the nightmare. I'm so not wanting that to happen again.

I haven't played Sorry in years. I do remember it could get vicious.

Yes, it surely can get better from here.

Oh, has your wife seen the Every Woman's Battle book? They have a website and it has a lot of WW's on the message board who are Christians.

March,

I haven't heard of that one. I'll have to look at it soon. I doubt WW has seen it either. She's not real receptive to a whole lot right now anyways. I'm gonna post an update to my sitch on my thread so I don't jack yours. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I can't remember, Drex, but I know you said your wife had not been receptive to church recently. Does she have a trusted, female Christian friend that might be of any help??

If she has any close friends here, I don't know about them. For the last 14 months, she's been gone more than she's been home, you know. TDYs and a deployment. Hasn't had too much of a chance to get in tight with anyone, plus people come and go in a unit fairly often.

MC went ok last night. Got some resolutions, made progress. Most importantly, no steps backward. We're frequently the last couple she sees in the evening and every time, she'll run over our allotted time with us. Last night is was 45 minutes over! We're going to have to do something nice for her.

We're going dancing tonight for sure, maybe going out again tomorrow night.

So, how's you? (slides coffee mug over) It's going to be a good day today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad the MC session was a progressive one. Sounds like you have a great counselor.

I'm sorry she doesn't have a friend there that could help. Is there anyone that lives away that could? IDK that may not be what she needs at all...

Hope you all had fun dancing. Did you close the place down?

I'm doing pretty good. I've had my coffee and I'm trying to get geared up for a few more days being pretty much alone with the kids. These times when he's not around are so much harder for me. That's when it is harder to focus on current good behavior vs. old behavior!

Hope you have a great day!

March,

Well, we discovered some things Friday night. First, we discovered that on Fridays here, it's line dancing night. Saturdays is 2-stepping. With some of the other mixed in. I'll never understand why they play Hip Hop in a country bar. I guess it's a chance for the "rhythmicly challenged" to express themselves.

We went to 2 different clubs on Friday. In general, we had a good time. The next time we go out, though, it'll definately be on a Saturday to go dancing. Unless we want to take dancing lessons (which I'll get to in the next paragraph), then we'll have to go on Fridays again.

Trying to get someone to play a waltz in this state is horrid! With some patience and a couple of dead presidents I got it done though. We hadn't been dancing in a while so we're kind of out of practice. We know what we're doing, just kind of out of sync with each other. WW kind of got irritated with me about it, but she realized it wasn't just me. I told her we'll just have to keep going dancing until we get back to where we used to be. Every other week on Friday is 2-step dance lessons for the fancy kind of stuff. I think that's what we're gonna do.

I've got a long post of csj if you want to trot over and take a peek. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

How did your Mother's Day go? Anything special happen? I hope it was great.

Anywho, I've got to get a move on. Things to see and people to do! Errr, things to do and people to see!!!

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I read your post on CSJ...Wow...on the way out of town for a week. You are in my prayers! Yes, I did have a good Mother's Day!

Hi March- just checking in to see if you're back from your trip. I bought Every Man's Battle for my H today and for myself I bought Living With Your Husband's Wars by Marsha Means. Her husband wrote Men's Secret Wars (which is probably similar to EMB) but they didn't have it at the store I went to. Let us know how things are going. Take care.