So for about three months, my husband has been distant, bring up trivial things as huge problems to our relationship, etc. Will not go into that here - if you are interested, please see my post at "Pre-Marriage and the Early Years".

About a month ago, I noticed a strange number showing up numerous times on my husband's cell phone bill. I did some investigating and found several text messages to another woman - someone he works with, that were definitely of an inappropriate nature. I confronted him about it and he of course denied it. I wanted to believe him so I let it go. Then yesterday I got the cell phone bill again and same story.

Today he left on a week long business trip to Japan, I know he's actually going on a trip - I've got his itinerary. But because he was leaving today, he worked from home yesterday (we live almost two hours away from where the OW lives so I doubt he saw her. However, what did happen is that he left his work e-mail open on our home computer and forgot. I knew it was but stayed quiet about it. When he left this morning he asked me to shut down the computer for him - no problem, I thought. Once he was out the door I went to work looking through his work e-mail.

Then sure enough, I found e-mail after e-mail to him from her, to her from him. I even found proof that suggests he went away on a business trip and came home a few days early without my knowledge and then spent a few days with her. in the process, I printed these e-mails so I have my proof, there's no denying it this time.

Fortunately, I also had an appointment with our marriage counselor this morning so I went and talked to him about it. I'm angry and hurt, but at the same time, my husband and I had a wonderful relationship up until this. I believe this is a pretty new relationship...2.5 to 3 months at the most. As angry and hurt as I am about this, not to mention that my trust in him is non existent, I know I still love him and that I'd be willing to try and work things out with him if we ever make it to that point.

For now, he get's back on Thursday and I want to confront him either on Thursday evening or at our marriage counseling session on Friday morning. Any thoughts on the best way to handle this?

Any and all advice is welcome!

"For now, he get's back on Thursday and I want to confront him either on Thursday evening or at our marriage counseling session on Friday morning. Any thoughts on the best way to handle this?"

Don't ask him IF he's involved with another woman

tell him you KNOW he is involved ...

skip the denial bullcryp ... disallow him that wrong turn

Good luck

Pep

You have your work cut out for you, but I admire your commitment to your M. Good for you. Use the time well, to study up as much as you can about Plan A, no contact, etc.

Welcome Stina, I am sorry that you are here, but know that this is the best place to help your situation. This is, without exception, the worst thing any person could be asked to endure. Find strength and support here. My advice, in a nutshell:

1- Read everything you can here--there are many who are very, very wise. I would also recommend that you read "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs"--they were both essential to me in finding something positive to focus on in this whole mess.

2- Focus on "Plan A"--that is where you need to be right now while you work on ending this A.

3- Expose, expose, expose. You had mentioned exposure to your H--and that is a good place to start. Believer had a post in the "GQ" forum in reference to the way "iamanotherone" had exposed to her husband--it was a wonderful example of a confrontation--the best I've read here. You should look for that. But don't end your exposure there. Tell the OW's husband (assuming he has one) immediately, as he can be your best ally. Expose to your husband's family. Expose to his supervisor at work (this is VERY important as it sounds like a work-related romance). The HR department there will race to crush this think--it spells disaster and lawsuit for them. Think of any others with influence over your H--you can expose to them also. The more people that know, the more that will pressure him, and help him to come to his senses.

4- Be ready to work your a** off to end the affair. And then the real work of Recovery begins.

Good luck, and God Bless.

-CSJ