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Joined: Jul 2004
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Ron53 Offline OP
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YOH,

I think I see from your "bio" why you'll continue giving "just once more". Two young ones are always a strong incentive to try again...


Me, 58
Her, 52 (called away 4/5/2005)
Married 32+
d-day (this time) 6/13/04
children - grown

The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choosing right over wrong, ethic over convenience, and truth over popularity...these are choices that measure your life.
Joined: Apr 2006
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Aint that the god's honest truth.

If it weren't for them it would have been over on D Day.

In my entire life if a girlfriend ever so much as kissed another man I dumped them.

Heck I dumped a girl when I thought she did something wrong and found out later she didn't. Oops.

Sooner or later though if it doesn't change. We insulate them pretty well but little ears.

Sad thing is that the older one knows what happened.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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I think that if a person really wants to have peace and long term happinnes in their lives they have to settle.

For reality.

I don't give 100% in my marriage and neither does my H.

We love each other 100%..but sometimes we don't have it to give.

We make every effort for our marriage to be high priority..yet relationship issues do have to come second to survival and unless ya'll would like to just start sending me checks [if so I'll send out my address! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />]..the demands of meeting our responsibilities render us unable to consistently at every turn give the other person what they want/need precisely when they want or need it.

I think it is often when a person begins to buck and struggle against the "daily grind" that they begin to DESIRE a fantasy to drift off into.

When they lose track of their long term goals..not just financial goals..but goals in life..and start to have their head turned by the easy party..they are very vulnerable.

Reality is about committment even when you DON'T feel like it. No one said it was gonna be fun..but you can't get where you want to be, unless you are willing to do what needs to be done.

There is always context and perspective to be considerred.

I think that you have to find happiness in your minutes as well as the epic big picture of your life..there has to be a balance between the two..they have to be in agreement with each other.

The alternative is entropy.

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noodle

I covered the not giving 100%. Depending on where you are your 100% might be less then it is at other times but it should be 100%.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525
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Sorry to be redundant..I haven't read all the posts..just responded to the initial one.

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Ron53 Offline OP
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Quote
he looked excited and pleased about the prospect, his eyes lit up.

N-O,

Spent lot's of time reading (and digesting) what you had to say. My first impulse is to say I'm sorry for your situation...the multiple affairs, the spouse that doesn't quite "get it", the feeling you're being "settled for"...I'm afraid I know it all too well! A hug {{{nabohio}}} is all I can offer.

As you indicated, the eyes...the body language...they give away the lie. Why do you suppose he doesn't "get it"...doesn't see the pain and damage...doesn't see the illusion/delusion of the OP for what it really is?

MAYBE someday he will "get it". Is that why so many hang on in spite of what their instincts tell them? They're hoping for some epiphany on the part of their spouse? [shrug]

Humans are such stubborn, silly creatures...


Me, 58
Her, 52 (called away 4/5/2005)
Married 32+
d-day (this time) 6/13/04
children - grown

The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choosing right over wrong, ethic over convenience, and truth over popularity...these are choices that measure your life.
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 291
R
Ron53 Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 291
Quote
...they have to settle. For reality.

Noodle, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> are you pushing buttons again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Reality...a realistic assessment...VERY important!

Is it easier for the "realist" to say, "oh well...this is my situation...my lot in life...live with it"? I get the suspicion, sometimes, that the "rosey crowd" is less inclined to "settle". They have a "vision", through their glasses, that's different than ours. Perhaps their "vision" makes them LESS inclined to settle. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


Me, 58
Her, 52 (called away 4/5/2005)
Married 32+
d-day (this time) 6/13/04
children - grown

The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choosing right over wrong, ethic over convenience, and truth over popularity...these are choices that measure your life.
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