My wife cheated on me two years ago - I just found out 4 months ago. She met a man online and had sex with him in our bed while I was out working a second job and my daughter was home in bed at the same house. My wife has not worked in 5 years until about 3 weeks ago. Recently she met a "friend" at a hotel to watch some TV - she met this guy online, he took her to dinner at an expensive restaurant and then they watched TV at his hotel room. Wow. After that I installed software to monitor everything she does online in stealth mode. She has no idea I am watching. She is online constantly and until they "broke up" just days ago, she was planning on meeting a man from the U.K. to see if they had chemistry. When she knows I am going out of town, even for an afternoon, she will give strong consideration to meeting men for coffee, but never ever tells me about it and would lie if I asked her. She has posted a profile on about 10 dating sites and always lists herself as single. We went to marriage counseling about 4 times before she wanted to quit.

I am doing everything I possibly can to meet her emotional needs and not blow up. I'm being the absolute best husband I can be. But every day when I check the evidence from her internet activity, it's killing me. Should I continue to be the best I can be and hush about what I know - hoping I can spark something on my own? Should I explode and kick her out? keep in mind, we have a 5 year old daughter that lives with us.

Please respond to my email if possible as well as the post.

Thanks,

Joe
jhiltabidel@gmail.com

Oh my goodness....you have known for 4 months and have not told her you know!! How?? The second OW and OWH left my house after telling me, I was on the phone to my H and recovery efforts began immediately.

Take all your evidence and expose to her and to others. She is sick and your attempts to fill her EN's are not penetrating one bit right now.

Please, I hope some veterans come on here to talk to you.

Good luck...tell her you know immediately!
Glad

I am really sorry for you. From what you described I would be contacting a lawyer and trying to get full custody of your child. Your wife has so little respect for you that it is almost unbelievable. She takes another man to your home that she met online and has sex with him in your bed while your daughter is sleeping in the next room? What utter distain she has for you and your family.

She continues to contact men she meets online while you are working and goes on dates and to hotel rooms with them. Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? You go to marriage counseling and she continues to be on 10 different online dating sites and continues to meets men while you are working.

From what you described I honestly think you would have to be somewhat of a masochist to remain in this marriage and subject your child to this type of environment. Apparently your wife has no boundaries whatsoever. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. She has done these horrible things to you in the past and she continues to engage in these types of behavior without consequences from you. Why would you wish to be with someone who shows so little respect for you and clearly is on the road to getting diseases she meets from strangers on the internet?

Please see a lawyer to understand your options. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think your wife would accept such humiliation and disrespect from you? Your and your child deserve better. Enough is enough!

I'm sorry for your pain but you have found a great place to help you and your marriage. You say you tried MC but yet she doesn't know you know about the affairs??? You have to expose and get radical honesty. I do not agree with Bryanp. You really haven't done the right things yet to know if she is able to really work at this. I suggest you read over the WAT quickstart guidelines for betrayed spouses in the just found out section. My H did very similar things. He was sexually abused as a child and has now realized he has a sexual addiction and has started individual therapy for that. If this is in fact a sexual addiction there is a lot of hope. Please begin reading the articles from the main page of this site and read about sexual addiction. You may see your wife in it.

Exactly what do you think is going to improve if you do not confront her with your knowledge and resolve this festering sore in your marriage? You tell us of several incidents, all of which fit the definition of adultery, with different men. These are probably just the tip of the iceberg. I doubt you know of all of her infidelities.

Look, your wife is a serial cheater, an unrepentant one. Even Dr. Harley admits it is difficult for a betrayed spouse to get past one betrayal, it's almost impossible to put multiple ones behind you.

That having been said, it is you who must decide if you want to try and salvage your marriage. If you do, MB is your best chance though it is not guaranteed, particularly in your case. Tell us what you want, pardner, and we'll go from there.

I understand what Longhorn is telling you and what I have to say may not matter much to some because I am only 6 weeks into this but if the wayward spouse does the right things, even with multiple betrayals, it can workout. There is evidence of this on the board...from newbies and some old timers. Like Longhorn said, you have to decide what you want then do the work in that direction. No matter the outcome, you've done your part.

Have you thought of the possibility that your wife's promiscuity could cause your life through sexually transmited diseases! OMG!

I kicked my FWH the night of D-day, 2/1/06 and exposed it. You've got enough evidence! What more do you need?