I am a previous lurker (FBS) who has gathered so much strength, hope and courage from this board. No one I know (or at least will admit) have gone through infidelity. That is where all of you have been my lifeline.... I feel not so alone when I'm on here...

I think the scariest thing for me, being in recovery, is the fact that one of these days I can be blindsided again.. That fact will always be there.. So much of what I feel is fear.. I'm on so much medication (ADs, nerves, of course some is due to my kids.. see my sig line), yet it doesn't dull the fear.

So, all I can say, is what I have said with my twins rare disorder... knowledge is power.. and you have all helped me with that knowledge. It's not easy and it's a lifelong fight to keep our marriages intact and honest.. All we can do is account for ourselves and know we will be judged individually..

So to all of you thank you...The courage to live this life, whether a FBS, FWS, or a continual BS is a difficult one. We all fall short, so stay strong, be blessed and be well... Sue

I agree with you about not feeling alone when you read this board. I also understand the fear. I had my first nightmare since my discovery of his infidelities and it made me realize how horrible and out of control I would feel if it happened again. I think it is like so many other fears in life...if we think about it too much it can paralyze us. I think we just have to go on with life and realize we must take it one day at a time.

I'm glad your twins are doing well. I can't imagine having to deal with that on top of the stress caused by an affair. Are you still in counseling?

I understand about the nightmares... I have woken up screaming and or crying more than one occasion and needing medicine to calm down and get back to sleep.. it invades every part of us...

We started counseling soon after Dday but my husband quit his job (monthlong affair with coworker) and took him 4 months to find another. That on top of medical bills for the kids, we haven't been able to afford it again. Of course we fall into the category of making too much money for free help... That is another reason why this website has been such a lifeline for me with help...

Thanks for reaching out... I wish the very best for you and your family... I pray for your healing... take care Sue