Dear MB Members,

I just want to report that last week contact has been broken. I’m not talking about accidental contact, but deliberate contact on e-mail. I received a very candid e-mail from OM and at that moment I’ve allowed myself to get “sucked-in” again and in-depth conversations with OM have taken place about the past, feelings we’ve experienced at the time etc. We’ve spoken about things and feelings we’ve never admitted towards each other before, so actually it feels if this time I’ve crossed boundaries into a full EA (and not just inappropriate friendship than before).

The guilt and disappointment in myself was driving me crazy and I finally found the courage and informed my H about the contact and contents of the letters during the past weekend. Yesterday I have sent a NC letter (the 3rd one in 3 years). This time my H has read and approved before I’ve sent it.

I’m back in withdrawal and me and my H is going though a very difficult time right now. My H tries to be supportive and understanding, but it feels as thought I don’t deserve it. Please pray for us. I feel terrible and I know I only have myself to blame.

I don’t know if I’m going to post on MB anymore. I have failed and I feel as though I don’t have the “creditability” to give advice and post here anymore...especially since I’m an old-time poster who should have known better. Maybe after I have given myself some time I will come back and post again (if I’m still welcome here). But I just felt I should have posted this and at least be honest with these boards…

I have to go and do some serious introspection... I need to figure out what is wrong with me and why I still have this weakness inside of me after all this time... It seems there are still some serious issues within myself I need to address.

Take care everyone. I'm so sorry about the disappointment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Suzet*,

Please don't give up! Your posts, story, guide, and encouragement have been a great help in my journey. Hang in there, you are worth, and deserve all the support and understanding you H gives you. If not he wouldn't give it.

Please remember "We are all only human and subject to mistakes!"

Take care. I hope to see you posting soon.

Suzet

Sorry to hear this. You and H don't need this right now.

Perhaps now you will take extraordinary precautions to maintain NC and not say "its not possible for us".

All blessings Suzet.

(((((Suzet)))))
You have not "failed". You simply stumbled. And you're taking steps to get back on track. Please take care.
--SC

Suzet,

So sorry to hear of your latest situation. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Don't ever consider yourself a disappointment. If you were a disappointment, you wouldn't care about what you've done. But you do and you DO realize it was wrong. You just need to find out why, which you are going to do. Good for you to realize your problems and know you need help!! Life is tough, no doubt about it!!

Good luck to you and your family. Be thankful you have such a strong and loving H to be there through all of this with you!

((((Suzet))))

--CO

Suzet,
I have never posted to you before but if you can find the strength please keep posting.
I am a BS and new to this site. For me it has been just as important to read posts from BS and WS.
Your honesty helps us the BS's stay in reality through the fog. It is an important perspective I know I need.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. What ever path your journey takes you on remember you aren't alone.

Blind

That's ; My husband and I

I hope your husband
finds it within himself

to forgive himself...

For trusting...it is a bloody hard thing to get over...twice

Max

Suzet, do not stop posting! You need this place most right now. Any chance Mr.Suzet would come here as well? You confessed to your H and here. Big, big start to healing. What about MC? What about quitting your job? What else can you do to ensure your H's safety?

What about being honest in the first place


What is it with BS's?


Deal breaker...if it is not ...


What else is there?


Max

Suzet,

Bless you... you have helped so many here on this board.

I applaud you for being so honest and are taking steps to heal yourself. I think true, repentant FWS must do a lot of soul searching in order to truly heal themselves and their marriages.

I'm so sorry your H is hurting. I'm proud of you for telling him. I had to confess something hurtful to H several months ago and it nearly killed me. He was angry (rightfully so) and we had a rough couple of days, but things are much better now. Radical honesty is so important, and by demonstrating it with your H and here on these boards, you'll continue to grow and inspire others. Don't give up!

Much love and many thanks for all you've done for us FWS...

This will always be a weakness for you, and for every WS out there. You must protect it with every means possible. I would recommend changing all contact information, switching jobs, and cutting all ties to the life you had before, so the OM does not know where you are, what you're doing, or how to (easily) get ahold of you.

I would refer you to what Dr. Harley says about moving out-of-state. Very important, not at all over-the-top, as I thought at first (before I knew better).

Good for you for telling your husband. I would like to see you stay and become a poster child for extreme precautions. Such cautionary tales would be beneficial to BS tempted to settle for less, or for WS who don't think it's that important.

Max, everyone has a different boundary on this. Some BS, like Lemonman, gave one chance, and followed through with a D when the one chance was broken. Any thinking person will respect him and support him for his decisions. Most of us have been through at least one false recovery, and others, like Orchid, have been through many. But in Orchid's sitch, she didn't just run to have him back; she raised the bar each time, until she and her husband were finally triumphant.

This is something very personal, and is different for each individual.

I have no problem with Mr. Suzet giving his W another chance, as long as Suzet can demonstrate that she has a plan to prevent this from happening again, and shows that she is implementing it.

Suzet, what is your plan?

Madmax

Dealbreakers

It seems every BS has them. Thats OK, I have them myself but may I respectfully suggest that we should not project OUR dealbreakers onto others ?

Many of us who have been betrayed have already FOUND within ourselves a cpacity to love and forgive that we never dreamed existed, yet we seem to deny that opportunity to other BS.

A couple established members of this community have backslidden into contact with OP recently. Both times BS dived into their threads shouting " dealbreaker !!"

Well in Jenny's case her H is trying to find it within him to love and forgive once again. In Suzet's case it seem her H is also trying to do the same.
Rather than in some way belittling a BS with such an attitude to a second betrayal, perhaps we should admire them for their capacity to try to love and forgive ?

Neither Jenny nor Suzet's BHs are doormats IMO, having MB'ed hard these past years.

And who knows FOR SURE what we'd do presented with a second betrayal ? Did you REALLY ever think you would try to forgive the first terrible betrayal ? I think it would be a dealbreaker for me too, but I would not project that onto another BS.

just my $0.02.

Post deleted by Cherished

I concur Suzet.

And please knock it off about not posting. You need MB more than ever now. Stop th epity party, get back on the horse or I'll find more mixed metaphores to trot out.

Prayers Suzet...PLEASE QUIT THE JOB...Your husband IS more important, and you KNOW that...Much that you have posted has helped me in my journey...Please stay and post...You also KNOW that God uses all of his foot soldiers to help many, even in our worst of times...Your story will help and you will be helped by sharing...Godspeed, to you and your husband, my friend...

Mrs. W

Many blessing Suzet. Congratulations on telling your husband. I don't buy the theory that the OP has some kind of fatal attraction magnet. It has more to do with what is going on with you. Please keep posting. We all care about you.

Your are quite right Bob and Not so

This is the last place I should have been reading last night.

I was and fully admit I am angry at the injustice in this world right now.

There was an event last night and due to its lateness, I did not have the opportunity to debrief. That is done now and I feel a whole lot better.

However in saying that it is still no excuse for me to make such harsh judgmental remarks.


For that I apologise to you Suzet and your husband.

BY the way Bob, I have forgiven my husband..I will and never have to forgive the act itself. Did I ever think I could forgive back then for such cruelty...no I certainly did not.

Max

Suzet (with an asterisk),

Please continue to keep posting because:

a) You still haven't explained why you have a star and therefore inconveniently fall into my "ignore" filter.

b) I am hugely intrigued about the title of your post. I can see being contacted by the OM. I can see how it might bring up disturbing memories. I would like to understand more about the withdrawal because, for me, that is a leap of faith. I think your experience right now would be extremely insightful to BS's like me who still struggle to understand the psychology of the affair and hopefully to you. I can also understand how it might be difficult for you to discuss at this time. If now is not good, I do hope you could talk about it later.

I have a tough time with this idea of FWW's becoming WW's again and suddenly falling from grace. I think you are just proof of Dr. Harley's concept that NC is critical to recovery. But it seems like you were open and honest about it and your husband couldn't ask for anything more than that.

Anybody that wants to go after you with a 2x4 on this forum has to go through me first and I don't think anybody wants that.

And I still want to see if there is any way we can get rid of that asterisk or else negotiate a bit on an alternative non-alphabetic character. The asterisk is really a deal-breaker for me. Sorry.

Suzet* - If you or your husband would like my 4 year long book of dealing with contacts by my wife to her former OP, let me know.

I have a very good idea of the struggles your husband is dealing with right now, and I give you great kudos for telling him instead of his having to find out about it on his own. I had to find out every time. Neither way is easy, but at least he knows you are TRYING to "choose wisely" at this point.

Obviously, you DO "know better." That isn't the point right now. Perhaps you will reach the point that my wife finally reached just a few months ago where it finally "clicked" in her mind..."perhaps I need to put your needs ahead of theirs." Seems like a "duh," but there it is....THE choice that must be made. Recovery is NOT easy and it takes a long time. I'm not much of a believer in "once and done," especially for women who are the Wayward Ones, because women DO tend to get more involved emotionally....that's how God made women. Giving into temptation is easy....obedience is sometimes hard....and surrendering one's desires in favor of another they love is a choice that is sometimes easy and sometimes very hard, depending upon who we allow to "sit on the throne of our lives as Sovereign.

If you'd like to talk "off the public square," you have my email address. If you've misplaced it and want to talk, let me know and I'll post it again.

God bless.