I'm 29 and my bf is 38 going on 20. We've been dating for almost 12 years next month. We have lived together for like 7 years and had just bought a new house of our own last year. We have been separated for two months now.

All in all, I found out he was talking to a 23 year old single mother and when I confronted him about it he moved out. Basically started throwing things out like me not wanting to have kids and he needed time to figure out if this is what he wants. He calls me every so often to find out how I'm doing and to have coffee or dinner like once a week. We had a big vacation planned that he decided on going on to see how we would get along. Well, the trip went great and it was like nothing happened but the moment we got home and stepped off the plane he was a different person. He dropped me off at home and when I asked if he was staying he said no. He said that was the reason he didn't want to go in the first place, but mind you I never asked him to go. I even offered to make the marriage/child commitment, but says I only make that offer since he moved out and I need to want it and don't seem to understand. I know it's all an excuse!

Background: he's living with two 20-year old guys that have girlfriends "drop in" to visit them every night. Apparently, he's behaving like them and even told me on our vacation how he's been going to bars and even going to the gym (which he had never done before). I really do think he's enjoying this new single life, but he's keeping me as a buffer just in case he gets tired of it. It's like I'm playing his game and going out with him when he wants to and talking to him when he wants to. I know he's been going out and probably seeing other (younger) women, because he's not the type to be alone. I really don't know at this point in my life, if I want to continue waiting for him to snap out of it but also realize we do have 12 years together. What kind of advice do you guys suggest? I know I haven't given him the time to miss me, because I've been at his beckon call...should I be turning down his offers of going out and also when he calls me? I still have to see him once a week, because we play on the same sports team. I think he needs to make a decision on whether he wants to be with me, but apparently I haven't given him the opportunity to do that. Please any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

He has shown you .... over the many years of using you .... that he has no intention of ever marrying you ...

is that point clear with you?

I am assuming you never want to get married.

correct?


Pep

You need to understand the dynamics of the Renter/Renter agreement.... the agreement you have lived for 12 years

Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders ... learn about it here

I highly recommend you buy the book

((( hugs )))

Pep

You forgot to mention...

you posted on MB 1 year ago because he was cheating at that time ....

WHATEVER you do now ... don't have sex with him ...

you could get pregnant (very bad timing)

you could catch a disease (yukky)

Pep

He has been wanting to get married for a very long time. We have been together 11 years and he is almost 10 years older. I'm the one that has been unsure/not ready. Yes you are right regarding the cheating and he came clean with it and was even attending some 12 step group, since he has a problem (that started since childhood and he's learned this and was working on it). It was actually looking up, but then this came up after about a year (no work done on our side to fix our relationship). It looks like he's in some kind of midlife crisis and as a friend it hurts to see him like this. We are just friends now (no sex of course), and it's hard to just let go especially if he's still trying to hold on somehow. Anyways, here's the info and please try not to be too hard on me...I know a few noggins might work but right now I need some bit of comprehension. Thanks!

Just from reading up on you, I would go straight to Plan B. You have read SAA, Plan A, Plan B, about En's, and LB's., I mean you have been around here a long time!

OK

good luck hunny ...

try comprehending the
Renter/Renter senario you have lived for so many years

Pep

I have a similar story on this web site.

My WBF and I have been together for 17 years.

Many of the experts on this site feel that when there aren't children and no "legal" ties that bind you together that it is just easier to walk away.

I am writing to you to let you know you are not alone.

Many will ask you why you never married. I am sure you have your own reasons as I do.
That doesn't make the loss of love on your partners behalf any easier to walk away from.

You can read my thread and if you want to talk I am usually around.


Blindsided06