Yes, MrsRob...takes time, forgiveness comes...respect comes first. Took me five months to forgive my H after NC...and he's still working on it after 1.5 years...he'll get there...that's his, not mine.
Your BH is experiencing the most painful time of his life and is trying very hard to get you to not just acknowledge and validate his pain, but to FEEL it...and you can't. You must own that you cannot know the depth of his pain...and speak that truth.
You must know that respecting what is his and knowing what is yours is imperative to answer his assertion that by the time he's done being angry at you, you won't want to stay in the marriage...with...
"You cannot drive me from this marriage or from you. Only I choose. I choose you, DH. I choose to wash away my own past resentments, and vow to make no new ones...I am working on seeing your anger as your own...valid, true...and to answer all your questions, be open and honest, though my shame is crushing, because I choose you."
There's no doormat in that...and you working on your resentments leads the way...up to him to choose or not choose to eliminate his own. Be firm, MrsRob...know what your plan is, how you're going to be and why...then BE it.
When he speaks, listen...intently...do not take what he's saying as an attack...but as information...if he AOs or DJs (includes name calling), then say, "I hear you yelling and name calling. If you continue, I will have to remove myself from this conversation for one hour until I can calm down enough to hear what you're saying." Calm, strong and honest about the reaction...not expressing through body language or facial expressions...words...you...speak.
Time, MrsRob...what exercises are you both doing for the marriage? Books you're reading...all the rules...15 hours of UA...radical honesty? And yes, you can fill out the EN questionnaire for him, best you can...and as you do things...say, domestic support...tell him you thought he might like it...is that an EN? Slowly, like nursing the near-fatal patient...focus on yourself, respect, and most importantly...really getting the why of your EA...why you chose what you chose...
Then share it.
LA