Hope,

I'll be honest I know NOTHING about plan B. But I'm a Mom of three and I couldn't imagine not talking to my kids daily can you write in the plan B letter that I will call between the hours of x and x please allow one of the kids to pick up. Plus doesn't everyone have caller ID? But there is communication that parents have to have re: kids, school and events.... But again I know nothing about plan B never read up on it or exercised it.

At D-day I immediately filed for a D and my H realized nothing and no one else mattered and fought for our marriage. We also have an OC in my situation so it's still extremely tough at times. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Please just make sure the kids are not hurt by anything. You should no longer meet any of your wife EN's now that she is out the house but make sure the kids are O.K.

Unsure

Unsure, not in Plan B. In Plan B all contact is ENDED, lest it defeats the purpose. They don't "have to" be in communication at all. All that is handled beforehand and anything else is handled through an intermediary.

Well this is the first night of being home alone and the house is so very quiet. No kids running around or coming to ask me questions, just an empty house.

I miss my DD hugs and affection. I miss my DS playfulness and curiosity. I miss my W but not my WW.

This is going to be difficult as all I seem to focus on right now is missing my family.

NUSure, I will defenitely be speaking with my kids everyday. I will ask WW to have them call me at every night just before the go to bed when they are with her and visa versa. This will allow us to speak to the kids without speaking to each other.

So sorry, Hope. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I want to tell you something positive, though, Hope. Although it seems like the end of the world to be alone there, it is not. It is the BEGINNING. You could not move forward in this endless limbo. This is the most hopeful your situation has been in a long time. At least now you have a CHANCE to remove yourself from this morass and possibly wake her up. Before you had no chance for either.

I know this is a sad day for you, my friend, and I am sorry you are here.

Hey HTW. Good luck with this.

As stated above, NOW you can begin to heal....Before, you were just buying time, wasting away....hoping against "hope" (pun intended).

You ain't gotta any other choice brotha...life goes on either way, so you might as well be living "it".

Lem

just a hug [[[[HTW]]]]

only you can know how hard this is for you.

I won't pretend I do.

but Lem is right, "life goes on either way, so you might as well be living "it"."

Lets pray it is short term pain for long term happiness.

Hope....

I will walk you through this my friend, every step of the way...

I assure you....you do not need to speak to her other than hello when she calls for kids...and vice versa....she'll get it....

Hello....can I speak to kids...

Hope hands off phone.....

to his children....children hang up


You call...she speaks to you...you listen, no answers to questions, no small talk...

Hope,

I'm sorry you're hurting, I know how you feel. But just like most said, this is the most hopeful thing that has happened in a long while. You've regained control of your life, now you can make decisions for yours and your children's lives.

One last very important piece of PLAN B info:

Whenever in doubt if something is allowed in Plan B, ask yourself if you're meeting any of your WW needs, if you are then DO NOT do it.

Jo

Mel, lem & aw: Deep down I realize what all of you are saying...that this is the only way to go forward and BEGIN a new life for me. I know I will be all right once I get accustomed to this.

I miss my kids like crazy and will be counting the days to when I see them next. I know my WW loves our kids very much also and it will be just as difficult, if not more so when the kids are with me.

Mel, I plan on giving my WW my Plan B letter on August 25 since it is approximately 3 weeks away and is also the transfer day whn I get the kids for the following week. So my WW will have plenty of time to reflect (or not).

It's strange waking up to an empty and QUIET home. That is the difference that I have noticed the most and maybe spending some time outside of my home will help. Today I plan on cleaning up and remodling the way I like it.

Sendme, It is funny that my WW said she felt controlled since I really didn't think I did anything to make her feel that way. On the contrary, she seemed to control our lives and it will be a nice change to be in control of my own life now. She would even get upset if I didn't brush my DD hair properly so I wonder how she will feel now that she has lost ALL control of me and the kids when they are with me. You have been a trememdous help to me thus far and I appreciate all of you guidance and continued support.

Res, I plan on meeting none of my WW needs, but will remember that suggestion whenever the situation arises.

Thanks everyone!

HTW,

I know how hard this is for you. God bless you and keep you strong.

Planb is hard but something that has to be done for yourself. Don't be like me amd mess it up, it not only gives the WS control it sets you back in your healing. Stick to it.....

Take Care,

Hope,

Listen to the experts on plan B. You are in my thoughts and prayers today. {{{{Hope}}}


Unsure

PS-I'm glad you worked out communication with the kids daily. And I think waiting three weeks gives you and the WW a chance to get used to living a part and start to settle in some type of routine.

{{{{HTW}}}}}
I've been thinking of you all weekend. This is a time of mixed emotions. Its ok to feel each and everyone of them. I'm so glad you are no longer in limboland. I've been catching up with your thread and you have been given some great advice. Some of it YOU gave me when I was in plan B. You know how important it is to be DARK.

She will miss you. She cleaned the house and did YOUR laundry before she left. She wants to be viewed as a "good" mother/person. Because before the aliens invaded she was "good". I think its a good idea to use the next three weeks to set up for plan B. Kid pick up/ drop off and communication. We have caller ID, when the kids were home if he called one of them answered. I got my son his own prepaid cell so I could call when they were w/ him. Your kids are younger.

My FWH couldn't wait to leave...no doubts. I'm sure you remember his antics and breaking my plan B. I think if my plan B had been darker we would be further into recovery now. I don't think he took all that much time doing soul searching. Listen to the advice you have been given, use the next few weeks then go DARK... AIR RAID DARK. Close all points of entry, observe radio silence!!

For now enjoy some peace. Go out and have a steak and a beer for dinner tonight. Relax, you deserve it, this has been a looonnnggg time coming!

We'll be thinking of you>>> as a matter of fact in your honor I'll raise my glass to you at 6 PM EST as I'm making dinner, just incase anyone wants to join me for a toast.

CC, I will be having a tall cool one (Canadian beer or course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) at about that time.

Last night I went with a friend to watch a movie and I had a great time. It's a strange feeling going out and not having to tell anyone where I'm going or what time I will be home.

Since my WW left I feel more at ease...no more walking on egg shells. The only thing I really miss is my kids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But overall I'm doing well and finally feel like I can relax in my own home. I haven't been able to do that in a very long time.

No more discussions regarding the seperation agreement, no more DJ's from her. It's peaceful again and I like it. With my WW I always felt like I was in a rush and I couldn't relax.

Tonight I have a friend (male of course) coming over for BBQ so I plan to enjoy the evening having a beer (or 2 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />). This seperation has defentiely slowed down my pace somewhat. I am starting to enjoy the little things again in life and it feels good.

I think this may be what MWIL was refering to when he said I would experiecne a boost of energy once seperated.

These next 2-1/2 weeks will allow me to tie up any loose ends with my WW and prepare for a DARK Plan B.

HTW

I'll be toasting with CC. Hope, you enter a period (if you are at all like me) where you will grieve, but then as you peek back out into life, you will stand tall, stand proud. You have 2 children whom will love you unconditionally!!! Believe it or not, that WILL have to spill over to your WW.

If I had an extra $100 on me, I'd put it on you having the opportunity to recover your marriage. The light has been shined, let the needs be met. And watch how predictable this whole thing will be!

Praying and toasting for you and with you!!!!
MWIL

*clink*

Here's to Hope....may he face the challenges ahead with strength and compassion....and may he NEVER walk on eggshells again!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hope:

I don't post much anymore and I rarely read the Boards, but recently, I felt the urge to see what is up with a few active cases and yours was one of them. It appears your worst fears came true and divorce is imminant.

If you don't mind me saying and for the sake of others, you resisted exposure and Plan B for the longest time. Many told you you needed to take the tough love steps to try and stop the affair from your wife, but your fear overroad your ability to take proper action. I am truly sorry about the progression of your case, but I have wondered if it could have been different had you listened to and implemented the Marriage Builders princiaples. I was lucky but I did everything I was told to do and I was fortunate to save my marriage.

You can't change the past, but others need to know that windows of opportunity are short to save the marriage and the affairs must be interupted early on, not later when the time period passes for likely success to happen. Anyway, good luck to you anyway. I am not trying to rub it in, I am just making an observation.

TooSoon

TooSoon, good to hear from you.

I don't know if I would say I resisted plan B since I was not leaving the house and would only go into plan B when my WW left. It did take much longer than I thought it would for that to happen, however there is nothing I can do about that now. As for exposure, I exposed on both d-days. The second exposure was done a few weeks after d-day when our negotiated NC with OM fell through.

Last night I spoke to my DS on the phone and he asked me if I had a section of cable to hookup WW's new DVD player. I did and told him I would bring it by this morning.

So this morning I bought breakfast for everyone and dropped it off to my WW's home along with the cable my DS requested. While I was there, I spent a few minutes with the kids (I miss them), fixed the DVD and pleasantly said goodbye to my WW on my way out. She thanked me for breakfast and for fixing her DVD.

I made sure I looked and smelle great <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and was pleasant the whole time. I figure a couple more of these Plan A deposits should help me go into Plan B (Aug 25) on a good note.

Hope, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED WITH ME!! I did a few nice things for her....went out of my way...and then after a few weeks.....Plan B'd, for awhile (3 weeks or so). Talked to SH and slowly transitioned back to Plan A, but in a more "positive" way.

Not sure that is how you should go.....cuz in my case, once back in plan A, the OM self destructed. I essentially used Plan B for those 3 weeks to recharge my energy, give me peace, and reflect on how to be a better person every day than from the previous day.

It was that 3 week period, where OM thought he was in the clear of me......then, I slowly moved back into my FWW's life, and she was receptive....little did she know that I was armed with knowledge that I WOULD attract her back!!! OM was furious!!! And coupled with the exposure from just after D-day, the house of cards crumbled to the point of my FWW telling me (just the other day) "I wasted nearly a year on that piece of [censored]!!!"

That was my path....by God's grace it worked!! He showed it through ME!!

Though I believe TooSoon, may have been a bit tough with his words....hindsite is 20/20. We all fear FEAR at some point....it is learning to NOT fear it, that leads to our own growth!

MWIL

If I was a bit to hard on you, I apologize. I remember how you always put off for months in advance what neded to be done NOW. I am sorry to question your case, I do wonder what if the affair would have been tackled with a vegence, not with paitence and understanding of Jobe. Just my thoughts. I don't really blame you, I think affairs have windows of opportunities to break them. If you lose the window time, the affair becomes an acceptable way of life.

I still wish you success.

TooSoon