OTHER MAN CALLED ME TODAY TO CHECK ON ME & SEE HOW THINGS WERE GOING, WELL HE ALSO INFORMED ME THAT AT HIS & HER COUNSELING SESSION YESTERDAY SHE BROUGHT UP COMING & SEEING ME SHE WANTS TO ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT STUFF, CAUSE SHE SAID THINGS ARENT ADDING UP, COUNSELOR TOLD HER TO NOT DO THIS BUT I HAVE A FEELING SHE IS GOING TO ANYWAY... I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO HER, SEE HER ETC... FOR NUMEROUS REASONS, I TOLD HIM I WILL NOT TALK TO HER, ME & MY HUSBAND ARE TRYING TO GET PAST THIS & I DO NOT WANT TOP TALK TO HER I DO NOT WANT HER AT MY HOUSE, WE HAVE 3 SMALL KIDS & THEY DONT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON & WE LIVE WITH FAMILY & THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHING EITHER, NOR DO EITHER ONE OF US WANT THEM TO KNOW... AM I BEING WRONG BY NOT WANTING TO TALK TO HER OR SEE HER EVER AGAIN ????? i WAS HOPING TO NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN EITHER & TOLD HIM NOT TO CALL ME ANYMORE
MY HUSBAND & I ARE FINALLY ON THE RIGHT TRACK, & DONT SEE HOW ANY GOOD WILL COME OF THIS PLEASER HELP ME AM I OBLIGATED TO TALK TO HER & ANSWER HER QUESTIONS??

Why in the world did you answer the phone?

No Contact means no contact.

Send him a no contact letter and copy it to his wife - she needs to know he is still contacting you.

You also need to tell your husband that he called and you talked to him.

Change your number or utilize caller id.

NO CONTACT

I KNOW I ALREADY TOLD MY HUSBAND, HE ALSO DOES NOT HINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA FOR HER TO TALK TO ME I HAVE NEVER HID ANYTHING FROM HIM UNTILL THE AFFAIR & I WONT EVER AGAIN, HE KNOWS HE CALLED,BUT I AM NOT CALLINGHER I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO HER, HONESTLY I AM SCARED OF WHAT SHE WILL DO IF SHE EVER DOES SEE ME, I AM NOT A FIGHTER & SHE IS A COP SO I AM PRETTY MUCH LIVING IN FEAR EVERYDAY, & HER WANTING TO SEE ME HAS ME REALLY FREAKED OUT I KNOW I AM BEING SELFISH,I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

Are you familiar with the Marriage Builder's principals?

Have you and your husband sent the OM a no-contact letter?

Have you read "Surviving an Affair"?

Have you told your H the OM called?

Can you take a deep breath, calm down a bit, and give a bit more information.... without the CAPS and put in a paragraph every so often, for us old folks with failing eyesight? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />SD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with a married man.

You are only married 3 years and you are having an affair. I also assume from your sig that this is a second marriage because your children are older.

I foresee a marriage #3 in your future-infidelity and all.

sorry yes we have read everything, yes we sent him a no contact letter, my husband even talked to him on the phone,

no this is my first marriage & i never actually slept with other man, came close but never did & yes i know I should have thought about it but I didnt... this was a one time thing

Hmm, not trying to be critical here, but it doesn't matter to her whether it was a one time thing for you or not. You destroyed her life and her heart. Knowing that you haven't done that to anyone else (other than your husband) is of little comfort to her.

You need to write a NC letter -- send one to her and one to her husband. In the one to her, consider including an extra page that states her husband contacting you on ___ date and told you that she wanted to talk to you about waht happened. Tell her that you cannot have any further contact with her or her family after this letter, but that you understand she deserves the truth, so you are including a summary of what happened. Don't try to excuse, shift blame or justify in any way what happened. Just stand up and tell the truth no matter how bad it makes you feel. Then repeat that you are incredibly sorry and will not have any contact or communication with her or her husband again.