Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 732
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 732 |
WillSurviv -
I would suggest that you be prepared for the opposite reaction from your WH. I 100% expected my H to flip out and launch into a rage. He was the exact opposite.
It was like the fog just blew away...it was not a slow process at all. I exposed and the fog was gone completely. For my H it was like he realized what he had done to our family.
I know you have to prepare yourself for the rage because that is what is expected but you should also know that the rage may never come.
Hang in there...you are doing great and we are praying for you.
D-Day 11/20/03
BS-Me 30
WS- H 31
Kids- 4 / 11 both girls
Recovery Began 3/22/2004 Thanks to this board and the people here.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
safety is number one concern..
second if he does leave...lay low for a week or two..
THEN plan B letter..
Plan B letters given in crisis become just games...
plan B letters given when things are calm have the greatest impact...
ARK
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
ditto hw and arkie -
Sit tight in Plan A until the reaction - whatever it is - occurs. It's good to be prepared, as we discussed yesterday, for Plan B. But you shouldn't pre-plan on exactly when you launch it. The variables are simply too many.
Is it likely that the CO will reveal his source? Did you discuss this?
The reason I ask is that given the possibility that he doesn't reveal his source, your H will not know for sure that it was you. He may assume someone else rated on him or on OW. Variables here as well.
So for more pressing pre-planning, be prepared for what you do/say if he lashes out in another direction and what you say if he asks whether it was you.
I recommend honesty at every turn. If he asks, tell him the truth. BUT - if you feel unsafe, do/say what you think is the safe thing and get to safety.
WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
will, can you put spyware on his computer so you can continue to snoop on him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 152
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 152 |
Need advice on WHAT to say to OW's H. I believe I have his number.... need the right words now.
Me: 34 FWS: 33 M: 9+ years kids: 3 A#1:(PA) 8/05- 12/05? A#2: (P/EA) 2/08/06 - 8.14.06 d-day A#1 7/4/06 A#2 7/9/06 Exposed A to OW's H: 08/11/06 NC: 8.15.06 and in Recovery! Honeymooning since March 2007. In love again and it feels GREAT.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Tell him who you are and what you know. Tell him how very sorry you are to have to make this call. Ask him to help you in your effort to save your marriages.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
And be sure he tells his W that you called. It is important that she knows a) she has been exposed and b) by whom. IT WOULD BE BEST IF HE TOLD HER THIS TODAY to maximize the impact of your exposure to the CO.
You will do great!
Last edited by MelodyLane; 08/02/06 09:06 AM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
"I feel it's my duty to inform you that your wife is having an affair with my husband.
His name is WH. They are stationed (in the same sqn, unit, whatever - or give enough info to establish your credibility that this isn't a hoax.)
I am trying to do everything within my power to salvage my marriage."
Start there. If he poo poos the info, recommend he call the CO.
Sometime in the converssation give him info about this site if he's receptive. Make a plan to stay in contact.
WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
672
guests, and
84
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
