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What was your role in this bad marraige and what are you doing to correct it? Be careful...the last time I asked a question like this I was cyber drawn and quartered...LOL! My comment at this point is this: It's a good question, but at the same time-the responsibility was on both of them to keep the marriage where it should be. If he was not getting SF; he needed to address it with her, not in 20 year old pubic hair. Let's flip this...The 20 year old may currently be providing SF, but she will fail to provide other "needs"..will the Tool begin another affair to get those needs met too?
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It seems that you are under the impression that ~~I~~ was the one to cut off the ol' hubby. Stonecold, I am sorry I gave you that impression. I apologize if my questions upset you in any way. My purpose is one of personal growth. For both of us. My impression of your situation is that your husband is doing a horrible thing to you and your family. His actions are uncaring, mean, and sinful. You are NOT responsible for his actions! I repeat... NOT responsible for his actions. For now, I hope to become a stronger, more self-confident person, and become the kind of role model my children deserve. This was the part I was looking for. IMHO, you can turn this horrible experience into a tremendous opportunity for growth. It takes self realization, self honesty, humilty, and the desire to be a better person. This is what makes you attractive to the right man, not a 21 year old body... I can honestly tell you that I am a much happier person than I was 5 years ago. My bottom was coming within an inch of loosing my wife, loosing my job, and taking my life. All in a 12 hour time frame. (Oct 12th, 2001 7PM to 7AM) Is my M perfect? No. Am I perfect? Of course... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am fortunate that God gave me so many flaws. I'll never run out of things I can do better! Remember, the glass is always half full. And that's the part where the sugar settled, so it tastes better!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I would like to post to you about the above. It sounds so eerily familiar to what my M was like pre A. I don't have time tonight but I will try to post to you tomorrow from work. Hopefully we can gain some insight from each other. Back Again, perhaps we should start our own thread to discuss this matter. I think I've hijacked Stonecold's thread enough now... Take care Stonecold... God's blessing in your direction. Gib
Married 30 years
2 sons 24 & 27
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What was your role in this bad marraige and what are you doing to correct it? Be careful...the last time I asked a question like this I was cyber drawn and quartered...LOL! My comment at this point is this: It's a good question, but at the same time-the responsibility was on both of them to keep the marriage where it should be. If he was not getting SF; he needed to address it with her, not in 20 year old pubic hair. Let's flip this...The 20 year old may currently be providing SF, but she will fail to provide other "needs"..will the Tool begin another affair to get those needs met too? You are most certainly correct Cinnamon... I've been here long enough to take the cyber abuse. But I really think it's a subject that needs to be openly discussed. Whether you are the WS or the BS, have you personally owned up to your actions in the M that contributed to its demise? And if you have, are you actively working on changing those things so that you are a better partner for the next relationship? Those are key issues that can get forgotten on this board. Again, we only control ourselves and our own actions. To think you have any 'control' over your spouse is a waste of brain matter <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. Gib
Last edited by Gibby1; 08/02/06 10:26 PM.
Married 30 years
2 sons 24 & 27
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Hi, StoneCold, I'm not a man, but I've observed a lot of male behavior in my time. I've observed a lot of males who can't resist a nubile young thing. Generally, they get a whiff of the availability of a nubile young thing, and off they go, usually on 4 legs. Sometimes, you can temporarily separate them by squirting them with a water hose, but the poor male cannot resist going for the nubile young thing. I call 'em "DOGS". So, is Toolman/Foolman saying he's no better than a DOG?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Of course, he could be saying that he's just like any animal, without the self-control that a real human male has; but, dogs are the males that I've observed the most often. On second thought, I've observed a few tomcats, too. Anyway, sooner or later, a younger, stronger, more attractive male will come along, get a whiff of the nubile young female, whup his @$$, and wander off with the nubile young thing...leaving the dog/tomcat whining in the dirt. Maybe, you should buy Toolman/Foolman one of those choke collars. Better yet, one of those shock collars. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> That way, when he starts yapping, the shock collar will make him shut up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I think you should go dark on him. Let your attorney handle everything. (((((SC)))))
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Toolman better be a very very wealthy man - because someday, no matter how fit he keeps himself, that's all he will be to the tightly toned twenty year old girls - a paunch, jowls and bad breath, not to mention gas and other unmentionable bodily breakdowns he's going to enjoy as he ages.
Because otherwise, he lacks the maturity to appreciate the companionship of a real woman and to happily grow old with her.
Get a clue TM! Women have babies. They gain weight. They can trim and tone, but no real woman is going to have a sex addict for the sweet life that you promised SC when you married her. That's what you are - undiagnosed, but addicted anyway - no meaningful intimacy. No meaningful companionship. And once you get past the body of a 20 yr old, you have nothing to share with her. Nothing. You are empty and soul-less. I can't imagine the loneliness you are in for.
You remind me of slapnuts on the EN board. And he's just as empty and alone as you are.
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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I'm not a man, but I've observed a lot of male behavior in my time.
I've observed a lot of males who can't resist a nubile young thing. This is BS...It is likely that what you observed was males choosing not to resist. If you truly believe that men "cannot resist" then you may as well exit these boards-h3ll...the board should be shut down because NO MALE can be held accountable for an affair with a young girl.
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CS, Lady C was referring to real dogs, you know, canine dogs.
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canines, human male dawgs, what's the difference anyway?
sarcastic chuckle < < <-------evidence I'm feeling pretty crappy tonight.
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Thanks, KiwiJ! I thought I was going to have to tell her to read the entire post... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I'm gonna steal Lemonman's line: "Some people don't get it, and they don't get it that they don't get it." Or something like that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Yup <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Lemonman is very wise. Unfortunately, he had to learn a lot of it the hard way, which totally sucks. (I know this now, too.)
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[color:"red"] Ma'am...this is the entirety of your post: [/color] Hi, StoneCold,
I'm not a man, but I've observed a lot of male behavior in my time.
I've observed a lot of males who can't resist a nubile young thing.
Generally, they get a whiff of the availability of a nubile young thing, and off they go, usually on 4 legs. Sometimes, you can temporarily separate them by squirting them with a water hose, but the poor male cannot resist going for the nubile young thing.
I call 'em "DOGS".
So, is Toolman/Foolman saying he's no better than a DOG?? Of course, he could be saying that he's just like any animal, without the self-control that a real human male has; but, dogs are the males that I've observed the most often. On second thought, I've observed a few tomcats, too. Anyway, sooner or later, a younger, stronger, more attractive male will come along, get a whiff of the nubile young female, whup his ***, and wander off with the nubile young thing...leaving the dog/tomcat whining in the dirt.
Maybe, you should buy Toolman/Foolman one of those choke collars. Better yet, one of those shock collars. That way, when he starts yapping, the shock collar will make him shut up.
I think you should go dark on him. Let your attorney handle everything.
(((((SC))))) [color:"red"] I say again-the entire premise of your post was BS-you observed people who CHOSE not to resist, not people who could not resist. ************EDIT************
Last edited by Justuss; 08/04/06 07:35 PM.
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Dogs, she observed dogs. Canine dogs with four legs that bark.
Thanks for the mental weakling tag. I'll wear it with pride.
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KiwiJ--
Mental Weakling. Soylent Weakling.
New Nickname in your future, Kiwi?
Don't let it get to ya. CS is on a rampage tonight.
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I am quite aware of the contents of the entirety of my post; after all, I'm the one who wrote it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Perhaps it has escaped your attention that not all "males" are necessarily "people". Some actually do walk around on four legs. Imagine that!<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Go back and read it again... SLOWLY. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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CS, did they not encourage reading comprehension in your fancy school?
My 5th graders could have figured out she was talking about DOGS.
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I am quite aware of the contents of the entirety of my post; after all, I'm the one who wrote it!
Perhaps it has escaped your attention that not all "males" are necessarily "people". Some actually do walk around on four legs. Imagine that!
Go back and read it again...SLOWLY. Then this is where we disagree. I believe that men are indeed people; therefore I do not find it useful to compare men to animals. Let's leave it at that.
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Let me explain, even though I'm a mental weakling.
Lady C was saying (very cleverly too, I thought) that the only males she has observed, who act on their baser instincts immediately and without thought, are dogs or tomcats.
She was saying that most men do not act like that. When they do act like that we may as well compare them to dogs or tomcats.
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CS... I must admit that when I read it the first time, I thought the same as you... but when I went back and read it SLOWLY, I saw what was being said.
LC isn't comparing men to dogs... she is saying that "no control" is the behavior of a male dog. If Toolman is saying he has no control, then he is comparing himself to a dog.
Shaden
BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.
Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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BTW LOL SC. I prefer Soylent Weakling.
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