p.s. you are acting as if *YOU* did something wrong here, will. Please keep this in the proper perspective and remember that it is HIM who is in the wrong here. HE HAD AN AFFAIR and has placed you in this position to have to call his CO. YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY HERE.

FYI - I'll check in on you early tomorrow morning, but I have to help my brother move a piano which will take the rest of the day. You have wise folks watching here and you'll be in good hands.

WAT

I'm only packing bags in the event that I feel threatened. Only then. But I like the idea of calling police... but I doubt that they could do anything. That has been my experience anyway (no, he's never done anything that warranted a 911 call), just what I've seen in similar situations. I would most likely have to call his CO and have him come and tell him to leave. Right now, that is the ONLY person WH will listen to.

I know I did nothing wrong, I'm just scared of WH's reaction. VERY scared. I don't think he'll hit me, but I worry that if there is alcohol in his system... he might react without thinking and there is no excuse for that.

I will add the no drinking into my boundaries. Very good point.

As of right now, no meeting yet. WH just called me from work to say hi and ILY. Not that it means anything especially since he was with OW this morning. But it did tell me that nothing has happened yet. CO is making sure that things are done correctly. And I appreciate that. WH is expected home around 5:30. It's 3:30 now. A lot can happen in 2 hours....

Oh.. and not yet on the calling OWH. CO may even do that for me. But if not, I'm still working to get the number. Not easy.

Hey Survive,

How r u?

L.

I'm good. Thank you for asking. Things are going to go down by Friday, and I'll have a call prior to the meeting so I can get the kids out of the house and get someone here.

The CO has assured me that he is going to keep this at the squadron level but it WILL be broken up by Friday. I've forwarded ALL evidence to him (CC statements, cell phone statements, and emails, including the pics of her). Even the emails from TONIGHT!!!

Things are being put into action and I am SO scared and worried. I know this was the right thing to do, but it sure doesn't make it any easier. I've exposed to both his parents and his mom was crushed. I let them both know that I did this out of love for my husband and that I love them both. That I am wanting to make this marriage work. And they both understand. I'm VERY lucky. VERY lucky.

I'll post as soon as I can, hopefully once I get the call from the CO so prayers can begin on the MB. I do not know how soon I can post once WH comes home from the disciplinary meeting. But I will as soon as I can.

Thank you to EVERYONE for the support while I am going through this!!!

I forgot to mention how liberated I felt after I told CO. Before that, I had obsessed and worried about when he would email or call her. I was miserable... not that I'm not now. I just feel better knowing that VERY soon he will be facing heavy consequences. Because I know that the consequences I was giving him was NOT working. He was NOT listening to me. He was NOT going to give her up. He was getting worse. And I couldn't allow HER to have control over MY life. Not some barely 24 year old who hasn't had the maturity....

I am still sad. But at least now I know that I can move forward without worry that he won't face consequences. He will be given a direct order and if he fails to follow that order, terrible things WILL happen. I'm very lucky to have such a GREAT commander. It is not always that case. So, if WH and I overcome this and he DOES still promote and become a commander, then I hope to be as understanding as the commander and his wife have been for me.

I'm more hopeful than I have been since d-day. Even though I'm about to face the WORST storm of my life. Telling WH's CO was the MOST awful thing I've done ever... and it wasn't my fault. HE is the one who is at fault, all I've done is bring it to light. Everthing is his own doing. He's going to be mad at me for telling.

He had hoped that I wouldn't be strong enough to tell the CO.

He was WRONG. And I am SO proud of myself and how I've handled this. And no matter what happens, I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I've done everything RIGHT. And I should be PROUD.

What u did wasn't awful. It wasn't fun but it certainly wasn't awful.

The creature your H has become (aka: WS) has created this need to expose.

U s/b proud of doing what u needed t/d sooner than later. Expect him to lash out at you and make you feel like crap. Knowing this will help so you will have your defenses up when he spews his crap.

Hugz to u and your children. Why does someone have t/b there when he gets back? R U afraid he will damage the home? If so, make sure it is more than 1 person so that they are protected as well.

Glad you in-laws knew which side to take but he is their son so don't expect continued support. If they give it, that's a benefit not a right. It s/b a right but it is their option to give support or not.

take care,
L.

I feel that if he were to come home... he will be in an irrational rage. I do not trust how he'll react. Who knows? He may not come home at all.

Because he has verbally lashed out at our pets and kids (no hitting), I am concerned that it may escalate to something more since this is the WORST thing I could do. Yes, my ONLY option, but the worst. I was given NO choice. And he'll be wanting to get even.... or at least let me know what for!

If the CO's wife is here, then he will not and it will give him a little time to cool off before he gets here.

Hi Lady - you are normal to have this anxiety.

Stay cool and rational.
I recommend you look at it as the most loving thing you've ever done - for all concerned.

Seriously.

WAT

Naw, it is one of the BEST THINGS you have ever done. You stood up like a strong woman and mother and DEFENDED your marriage. You can look your children in the eyes and know that you defended their family against a terrible, destructive interloper, the affair. It is a GREAT THING you have done. You are a strong woman who has what it takes to do what needs to be done to defend her family. And I am proud to know you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

quick update:

email from CO this am and he will be having the meeting today at 2. WH has shift from then until 2am. So, I am waiting on hearing back if WH will be sent home following meeting or will be staying for the rest of the shift.

So, it has begun. CO has all emails, including the ones they sent each other last night. *sigh*

WAT,

I do think of it that way. It's still hard knowing how painful it was to do. Sometimes the most caring and loving thing we can do is the most painful experience. That's what I'm feeling. But I know WH sure as heck won't think so.

And I'm to terms with the realization that he MAY choose to leave. That he MAY choose to disregard the no contact order. But... that he MAY be glad (eventually) that I did what I did. That he MAY love me again.

I figure, I've got a 50/50 chance, but that the odds are in MY favor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I know you are feeling anxious and like you've done something "bad."

But not only have you done something for your family that you should be PROUD of -- but you are saving your WH from himself.

A person in an affair has changed his entire moral code. Deep inside, he feels ~terrible~ about what he's doing and what he's become. A soldier who can't feel honorable? Believe me, in the depths of his soul he is hating what he has become. He has twisted his values and justified this in his mind a million different ways -- but bottom line is he still KNOWS that what he is doing is WRONG.

But he doesn't have the strength to stop himself.

What you have done is put someone (the CO) who does have the strength in a position to help him and make him stop.
I WISH there would have been some such person in my life to MAKE ME STOP. I cannot express to you how much a WS hate themselves (even if it doesn't show...) Happy people don't have affairs....

You'll have to get through the storm of his anger. But EVENTUALLY he will understand what you did and why.

You may not understand that you are not only saving your family and marriage -- **you are saving your husband**

UPDATE:

CO has just done it. WH has been given the option of staying at work or coming home. I'll be notified of what WH chooses. I have NOT spoken to WH yet.

Kids are with a friend. I'm been on phone with CO's wife. She's going to be with me....

You'll be fine. Hang tough. As was said above...you are trying to save your husband.

Praying for you. Please post when you can.

My thoughts and prayers are also with you this evening!

Let us know how u r and the children are doing.

Be safe.

L.

I'm here. WH disabled the computer after all came down and I couldn't get online.

What happened: WH and OW were given direct orders for NO contact. She was sent to another building and locked in the vault. He was met with separately. He was then given the option of coming home or staying at work. He came home. I had people looking out for me....

First he checked to see who I'd called that day. Wanted to know if I had spoken to anyone from the squadron. If I spoken to CO. I played dumb at first... but after he'd looked up my cell records online, I knew that the best thing was to simply tell him that I had told CO. And immediately, he said he wanted a divorce.

I told him that I did what I had to do to save our marriage and our family. That I loved him and that I wasn't about to let some other woman come in and steal my husband. That if there HAD been another way, I would have.

He still believes that there is NO evidence because CO didn't tell him what the evidence was or who told. He told me that he was taken off his current duty permanently and would be facing court martial. All that has happened now is the reprimand and the orders.

Things are bad.... he doesn't know if he wants to stay. He hates me. He won't talk to me. He constantly says, F **** you to anything I say. He doesn't know that I am aware of the email. BUT:::

Here's my latest....
I know he emailed her after he came home last night. In it he says that he's sorry he hurt her. That this will be his last email to her. That I don't know about this email, that he would still like to contact her... that he'd asked for a divorce. That he will never forgive ME.

So, what do I do?? Do I go with this information to the CO? If I do, then a court martial will happen. I don't want that to happen. HELP ME....