Hello, let me start off by saying i am a very young newley wed only been married for a year and a half and im 23 with a 2 year old daughter as well. and my marriage is at the point that it is going to be over very soon. I can't afford professional help so i was surfing around on the internet and it led me to this site, in hopes that i can get some kind of help or someone to talk to or anything at this point.

Right now i am at the point that i am severly depressed and working and taking care of my daughter and im not sure how much more i can handle. My husband walked out about a week ago, i haven't aten or had a real nights sleep since then. and i have been working and i am just to the point where i about to give up. My daughter is the only thing that keeps me going in the mornings.

For the first 2 years of my relationship with my husband things were great. We were almost inseperable, we had our fights here and there but nothing to the point where we went to bed mad at eachother. When i got pregnant with my daughter his initial reaction was to leave me on the side of the road at a friends house. Then came the " I think you should get an abortion" to "the baby isn't mine" I realized that he was just scared i mean we both were young and still are. We were seperated my whole pregnancy after i had my daughter, we realized that life was to short to stay mad at eachother or be scared anymore. We then got married a year later. We then decided that he would work and i would stay home with my daughter.

From there things just got worse. He would come home and complain if the laundry wasn't done or there were dishes in the sink and about any other little thing that doesn't matter as well. I lived in a place where i knew no one and had no one to talk to did that for a year and a half. He used to gripe at me about smoking as well, mind you i didn't do it around the baby, never in the house or in the car or anywhere near them, but at the same time i promised him for 4 years i would quit and i tried on a few occasions and i couldn't do it. Then i did for about a month or so i went back to work becuase he hurt his back so we moved back to where we originally lived with all my friends. After i started working i picked up smoking again between stress of paying bills now with him out of work and our marriage on the rocks and everyone smoking around me i couldn't handle it anymore.

And apparently he couldn't either, he found out and for 3 days didn't say anything to me unless it was a smart comment or name calling, Well a week ago he walked out wanted a divorce. Although he tells me he loves me and still cares about me, he says he just can't live with me. There is practicaly no trust in our relationship becuase of the smoking issue, and issues of saying ill do this or that and it doesnt' get done becuase i get sidetraked with my daughter or work.

I realized that most of it is my fault, i should have done the laundry, dishes, quit smoking but i just couldn't do it but now that he walked out and i realize my faults and i feel that its way to late. If there is anyone out there who can talk with me or can help me in anyway i would be more than greatful. I want to save my marriage, my husband and i have so much love for eachother but we are stuck on the point that its the bad things we only can think of. At this point i need any help or just even someone i can chat with to help me deal with everything, and give me a new outlook.
My email is in my profile, i Use msn messenger also the same as my email or AIM my screen name is bittersweet61704,

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Bittersweet

Bittersweet,
You have come to a good place - Hopefully someone will join in that can give you the advice you need - IMHO: The best thing you can do right now is to start reading the free material available on this site - get to know the Marriage Builders concepts. Keep us updated and whenever you see a reply post something - even if its just an update of your day's activities - work, something you did with DD (DD stands for dear daughter)
I'm pulling for you.

H2R

After reading your reply, i read alot on the site tonight when i got home from work, about a good 5 hours worth of reading and thinking and more reading, i started to understand alot of what my husband must be going through, and right now from everything i had read i know that he is in the withdrawl state. Seems like i can't even make small talk with him so i just give up and say almost nothing at all unless it has to do with our daughter. i don't dare even apologize anymore becuase for one he isn't going to believe me and secondly i don't want to engage in conflict. I just feel like there is no longer any hope, becuase for one the trust is gone and even though i did alot of reading i just don't know how i can even start to bring that back. My husband loves me there is no doubt in my mind and he knows i love him, but sometimes love is not enough it seems. Is there any suggestions on what i can say or do to possibly bring him out of withdrawl state, or should i just leave well enough alone? Or should i just accept whats going on and start to move on with a life without him as my husband.

Bittersweet:

Sounds like a good start - will get back to you later

Im sorry to hear that you are at such a low point, but there is hope! Its hard to believe that your husband would leave simply because of smoking or chores were not done. It does sound like he has a great deal on his mind that he is not expressing. That is why the blaming is placed on little things. I would suggest you focus on you and your daughter. Although she is very young, Im sure she sense that her mother is very unhappy. Let your husband come into terms with what his feelings are and wait for him to communicate his thoughts with you. As long as you are "attacking" him, he wont. He'll just play the blame game. Sometimes women have to always say whats on their minds or say I love you, but just place the focus on you and your child and he'll come around. Back off a bit and see what happens. Thats just my thoughts. I wish you the best.