Hi all, I'm new to this board and really wanted some advice. I was born and brought up in Dubai, U.A.E and hail from an upper middle class family. I was born and raised as a Pentecostal christian and have strong faith in God. I have been married for 13 months now. I had gone down to India to complete my Engineering and later to start my work life where I met a handsome young man who I love every much. He was a hindu but since I was not going to any particular church in India, I was away from God and decided to marry this Guy. He was brought up as a Hindu but has no faith in that religion. He believes in God, but doesnot want to be forced and limited by the protocols of a religion. Our courtship was fine, except for a few weeks before our wedding as we had eloped and I did not inform my parents that I'm getting married. this is because I knew my parents would be against this, and I was sure they would take me back home, if I had told them. Eventually we got married in a hindu temple, and after 15 days, i did indeed tell my parents that I am married. they were huge problems, my parents did not speak to me for months, but I asked for forgiveness. I know i may be sick but I have lied to my parents saying that my husband is Pentecostal Christian and because of that they agreed and forgave our marriage and they conducted a christian wedding for us so that all the relatives could witness that we got married. Now the problem that i am facing is, I am staying with my in-laws and my husband. My in-laws are staunch believers in hinduism and sometimes when they perform their poojas they ask me to worship the idols, i dont bow down to it or anything, but i need to stand there which inconveneiences me a lot. This is something i have to do as my in-laws know that me and my hubby have lied to my side of the parents, and for them to go on with this lie whenever my parents are in town, i need to behave like a hindu in front of them. I know this is so confusing, but please read on..Secondly when we got married, my husband never told me about his financial health. After marriage i came to know that his whole family and aged parents depend on him for his livelihood. We also did conduct a hindu reception for his side of the folks, and the entire expense was handled by my husband alone after taking a finanical personal loan. Now the problem that I'm facing is i feel my whole life is a mess. I got to a fabulous church where i have grown close to God and realise that I did indeed make a few mistakes in my life. But this is making me feel guitly. Whenever i have fites with my husband, i realise, that if i had listened to my parents, i would have gotten a better God fearing husband for myself and i would have been well -off and have been in some other land. Our financial state is pathetic and we live from salary to salray. By the 10th of every month, both our pockets are empty(both me and my husband work) since we have so many liabilities. We have 2 personal loans, give money to his aged parents for medicine, groceries, bills. At the end of the day whenever i have a fite with him,i begin to regret my marriage and soemtimes feel God is punishing me for all the lies and hurt i have caused my parents. My parents by the way are very happy for me, but what they are seeing is a total lie. I have a husband who is a hindu, who doesnt have enough money and I'm not happy. I wish I could have written back time and erased this marriage completely. But what am i supposed to do. I know i will never opt for a divorce and I love my husband dearly and he loves me too. But how do i stop myself from being so regretful. I feel that if i had done an arranged marriage my parents would have chosen a better groom for me and I wouldnt have to suffer. What am i supposed to do. Please help me....Is there anything I can do..Why am I feeling like this. Can somebody help me please.?
thx for any help
RheaXXX
