Hi guys- havent posted for a while. Had a sit-down with my wh for the final time. I gave him the rest of his stuff that was left (clothes, shoes, ect) took it to his job friday. I didnt make a scene or anything. Gave it to him. He says he felt humiliated- i asked how, if i made a scene then you would be humiliated. I told him i had been humiliated for the past year.
He said that he wanted his freedom and didnt know how to tell me and when he started the affair he felt empty and thought i would say go- whatever i dont care. He said he felt our marraige was over and he didnt try to save it.
i explained that that was his belief. I did try to save it. He said yes i did- its not my fault it lays on him. He said the reason he wouldnt talk to our minister or counsler was no matter what people said to him - if he wasnt willing and ready to change all the begging would not do any good.
He says he wants to be alone and not in a relationship with anyone right now.
He has made mistakes and hurt me more than he realized.
I let all the hurt that i had out. The things i felt and kept down deep.
I believe the thrill is over with vanessa (there's another man answering the phone at the house now- older) and im tired of the game.
I gave it all i could. I guess my plan a,b, c,d didnt work.
I dont hate tommie- i hate what hes done and i know one day he will wake up and see the reality. Right now he's not seeing it. I think there's a peek though.
He starting to hang around with old friends (that were our friends before) by himself (still no ones seen vanessa), hes still angry if you mention her (stop talking about her, shes not the issue, its not what you think, i dont love her or anyone besides my mom and the kids)
I deserve better and am learing to love Maury.
He and vanessa or whoever deserve each other.
I have learned one thing when God told me to draw closer to him and wait. I realized it wasnt for me to wait for tommie to come back - it was for strength for what im going thru and what comes next.
MY anniversary was Sept. 1 and would have been 26 years. He tried to say it was only 25 or 24 and he felt so uncomfortable but its ok.
Sorry MIMI guess i failed to follow directions to get my marraige back.
I guess the ones who's marraiges recovered know exactly how to work plan A and B.

WK,

Good to hear from you. You misunderstand Plan A and Plan B.

Neither are a successful way to manipulate your spouse into returning home. They simply offer the best chance for recovery.

Ultimately, it's up to the wayward, and they are unpredictable.

You say: "I have learned one thing when God told me to draw closer to him and wait. I realized it wasnt for me to wait for tommie to come back - it was for strength for what im going thru and what comes next."

THAT is the point of Plan B. It is to prepare you either for divorce or recovery, with minimal damage, while sparing yourself exposure to toxic situations.

(((WK)))

late-night bump

bump up

Sounds to me like you DID do a great Plan A & B...you got what YOU needed! I wish you the best on your new path. I'm sorry that your old one ended the way it did.

Rin

Good to hear from you Winter!!!
I don't think you did anything wrong at all, you only wanted to save your marriage, just as I did. But like I said before the whole time I was trying to save it, she was doing anything she could not too. Waywards are waywards.
Plan B is for us betrayed's, and it does get better....Been divorced 7 months here and had to "chat" with my exW regarding some $$ for DD(i have custody), Ex knows that she screwed up...Your WH will one day wake up and see things as they are and what he has lost.
Hang in there Maury..Don't be hard on yourself!!!..

Who is MAURY? Is that YOU?



Winter, what's important to ME is for YOU to be happy...for you to LIVE A HAPPY LIFE....

I CHOSE to LIVE/WORK the MB PLANS in order for ME to find happiness again!!!!

Thanks to all..
Mimi-
I have decided that i am going to have the happy life i deserve. I cant keep going on the other path- it was killing me. I have finally seen my mom in my dreams for the first time since shes been gone and she was beautiful and smiling. I hadnt had a chance to mourn because i was so busy chasing my h. He was bust chasing vanessa and living his life. '
I was there for him when his dad died 2 years ago and he wasnt here for me thru all the year of ****** i went thru.
So...
It starts and ends here for me.
I am back in school will graduate in spring 2007, have a good job and people who have become friends and supported me thru this.
Tommie has made his choice- freedom. But at what cost?
He felt his life with me was so terrible and his life now will be the utopia hes longing for.
Its ok...
God brought me to this - he's bringing me thru it.
The most important thing ive learned is ...
I know what's imprtant.. God, mychildren and myself.
So for the lesson learned i think i passed that class.
If and when i meet someone he will love me the way i want to be loved not me chasing him for love,faithfulness,ect.
My worth is far above rubies not second best...
My husband is living in sin, with a married woman, everyone knows what hes done and left and his kids know what a legacy to leave.
There is one more twist to this... Vanessa now has another man living in the house (older) with them, and the house is set for forclosure on sept. 13th.
God works in mysterious ways.....
The kids and i havent missed a meal, been putout or desperate, and people i dont even know have offered to help or even sent things for us.
Do you know one of BRIT's friends paid TJ's school fees today for me? I didnt even know until she called me today. Her friends are between 18-22 years old.
So God has us.
I have to stop because it chokes me up that so many people care and love my family.

Winter,

Freedom is a dangerous thing sometimes. People may think freedom is the cure for everything. Freedom from what?

A wonderful family, a loving wife, bills, responsibility?

In these sitch's the only thing I see the WS getting freedom from is a person that is willing to have their heart ripped out, stomped on, then put back into their chest but they still have the ability to love and forgive the person that did that to them.

I feel for you and I can honestly say sometimes I empathize with the FWS because the feelings they must have. Failure and the dreaded how can I ever make this right. If they are not up to it then maybe they are helping the BS to make a decesion that will stop that specific hurt quicker.

I am happy your new life is on track. Remember you tried and that is all you can do. He decided he did not want to.

Another lesson you can learn is you have resolve and can get through the roughest of times with some bumps and bruises but still in one piece.

winter, iam proud of you. It is a hard long road, but as you are finding out, it's not so bad. Yes it's different and not what where "we" thought we would ever be, but after all is said and done, I think you will be much stronger as a woman/person.
you are now enjoying life as it should be, without all the drama/trauma that goes with the wayward lifestyle.
Live for you , your kids and friends, you are already experiencing the rewards of your new life...