your stbx or your attorney doesn't want your daughter at the house?

I'd have other people there - or not be there yourself if it's your husband. Again - creeped out!

My STBX doesn't want my daughter there today.

He won't explain why. This is very typical of him. He is always very aloof and secretive about stuff like this. He will say stuff but then not explain but, I am expected to be totally transparent to him.

He does this kind of stuff all the time. Just a game I think. So, I'm having my daughter p/u at school.

WH called to remind me that I should not have my D come to house today and that I should not come there either.

Called to remind me that by me going to church on Wed, he is done w/trying to work on our M.

Called to tell me that he loved me and always would but that he can't live the way I want him to live.

Called to ask if I had taken papers to attorney. Told me that he would make sure everything was arranged so that I could get my money. Again, those veiled threats of suicide but I did not take the bait. I did ask him why we should not come to the house but he wouldn't answer so I dropped it.

Had a nice, quiet uneventful weekend.

My husband called me on Friday as in my last post and asked that I not have my daughter come to the house on Friday. Also asked that I not come to house on Friday or over the weekend. He would not say why. So, that left me to speculate that:

a) He was boxing up my stuff and moving it out or throwing it out.
b) He was having someone (a female OW perhaps) clean the house.
c) He was going out of town and didn't want me there unsupervised.
d) He was just yanking my chain and being dramatic.

In any event, I did as he asked. I dwelt very little on our problems. I chose instead to have a nice weekend concentrating on me and my daughter and mom. I had a few short moments of sadness, especially when I heard sad depressing Christmas songs like Blue Christmas, All I Want for Christmas is You, etc. You know.... the tear jerkers.

Anyway, I did not call him at all Friday pm through now. He did not call me either.

I don't know what's going on w/him. I did go to church today and had a relatively good and productive weekend. I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I am going to call the attorney and check on status of papers. I sent changes to him last Thursday.

I'm sad but excited at the same time. I believe this is the only direction I can take at this point. I love my H I think. Or, maybe I just allow him to play on my sympathy and it's more a pity feeling than a love. But, I have to love myself and my child at this point.

I have not been a perfect wife. But........

I did not deserve the way my H has treated me. I did not deserve the disrespect with which he talked to me. I did not deserve the cheating, the verbal and physical abuse and the emotional abuse. I do deserve to be loved and respected.

At this point, I would prefer to be alone than to be with him as he currently is. He has talked a wonderful game. He has talked about all the things that he had planned to do if I gave him a chance. But, he never did any of those things to give me hope that he would change enough for us to have a chance.

And....... I have to keep reminding myself that this man that promised to love me forever has cheated on me at least 5 times; no proof of some but I feel it in my gut. He took the most intimate, close part of our R and shared that with someone else and then had the nerve to sleep w/me.

I don't deserve that. I deserve to be with someone that loves me as much as I love them.

Next time around (if there is a next time) I will watch the flags and I will not be bulldozed into anything that I'm not comfortable with. I need some "me" time to heal and reflect and change.

Haven't heard anything from WH. I haven't call him.
Waiting on the attorney and paperwork.

WH finally called today to ask where my D was. My sister picked her up from school. I didn't know if he was around or not and didn't know if reason he didn't want her at house still existed or not.

He told me that he went to the mountains over the weekend to see his daughter. Apparently his first XW and all their extended family met in the mountains over the weekend for a Christmas get together and he went so he could see daughter.

Why couldn't he just say that? Why the big secret? The watchdog neighbor across the street would have tracked my every move if I had gone near the house. Anyway, mystery solved.

He gave me copy of his latest cell bill. Calls to and from OW. Slowed considerably but, contact still there. Told him I sent papers to attorney end of last week. He asked for my key to the house; gave it to him. That really hurt.

I guess we've really reached the end and it cuts like a knife. But, I must say, the peace of the weekend was nice in a sad sort of way.

And, I've been thinking........ Christmas is such a hard time for something like this but.... it's only roughly a 24 hour period to get through and then it's all over. I figure from afternoon on the 24th to afternoon on the 25th it's family time and then it's back to the same old same old. So, I can handle 24 hours. Then the healing starts.

Pray for me. I feel it's right. I don't know how to get past what has happened. There's just so much that has gone on and still so much he's lying about. How would I put all that behind me and resume the R? How would the family ties be mended? I just don't see a way.

He mentioned that he would have been willing to do anything. He said it alot but never showed it. No action.