Time to stay VERY calm. I caught my WH and OW together in bed, and just left. I think it would be more difficult for a man. Please don't talk or fight with him.

What state do you live in? In many states, adultery doesn't matter at all.

Normal:

Either let the PI do the work, or you and the neighbor, get someone to watch the kids and the two of you knock on the hotel door.

Can be quite effective in destroying your run of the mill affair.

Dear Normal,
I've read your posts from the last two weeks. You do not sound pathetic at all. You sound like a concerned H and father--being very observant. You have done exactly what you needed to do because you were worried and suspicious. You have done very good. My thoughts are with you. Stay calm.
Lake

I live in Nevada, I have no idea if it matters or not. OMW says it does. I think I better let the PI do it. OMW wants us to go but I don't think I want to see it. I think I'll stay home and just wait. Could throw her stuff out on the driveway... Dunno.

Don't know if I care if this A is destroyed. I can't see a future for us. Right now I need to take control of my life.

I'm in a bad place right now. My poor poor kids. My heart is breaking over whats about to happen to them.

Ok, I'm going to have to leave the board for a while. I need to be strong tonight. Thank you all for helping me. Thank god I didn't stop snooping.

whew, bye for a while.

Just stay calm and don't do anything rash.....The neighbor has 5 kids, right???? Where are this guy's brains? Never mind, don't answer that....

N has 3 kids, we have 3 kids. W just called from her hair appointment and said she dyed her hair red!!! She's never done that before. Wasn't there some theory about the colors that women dye their hair or soemthing? Oh man, this is such a disaster.

Staying calm... I was able to talk to her just now so I think I can do this.

Yes, you WANT the A destroyed! Your kids want it destroyed! They need you to squash it for them, even if you don't want the M anymore.

I'm so sorry, NG.

~ Marsh

NG, think twice about throwing her stuff out...I hope that is just anger talking.....

I'm calm now. What should I do?

There is a lot that must be done, but right now you need to wait and be patient. Have the PI catch them. Present the evidence and then the choices begin.

You can always choose to end your marriage later, but if you do it now, when you are not ready or when you are at the extremes of your emotions, it will be much tougher to change things back after if you have a change of heart.

Don't react... plan and act.

Now is time to get your information. About the A... about who would be good to expose to. To check with your lawyer on custody issues and finances, and your realtor about your home. Even if you are fighting for your marriage, you or the neighbour should be moving... NC will be essential.

Busy your mind with plans and your emotions will settle down. The time to choose to end your marriage or fight for it is not right now. Right now, you must break up the A.

Shaden

Ok, I will be calm and let this unfold. I will be calm. No anger, no insults, it is what it is. Unfortunately I've already exposed to my family; parents are getting a hotel tonight in case I need help with the kids. I've told them not to call me or the house until I call them. I changed the bank passwords so nothing drastic can be done behind my back. Planning to meet with OMWs lawyer on Monday.

Good.

NG, doesn't it feel good to know YOU aren't crazy?

What did OMW tell you? What did she know that you didn't?

~ Marsh

Probably woman's intuition, Marsh. Women are soooo good at that...

She didn't really know anything, just suspected. She wasn't surprised at all though. She talked some sense into me regarding waiting. I don't know what the future holds but this is her choice. It is going to feel wierd saying goodbye to her tomorrow morning knowing what is going to unfold. This will be very very hard on my W.

Did she hire the PI before you told her what you found out or after?

I hope it IS very very hard on your WW!

Hang in there.

~ Marsh

PS: NTL, look's like NG had his male intution up and working too.

NG, so it will be hard on her, so what, but remember NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Take solace in that and just let the chips fall where they may. This may just be the lighning bolt that brings her back to reality. Keep posting. Do something this evening and get that Melatonin. It helps. It is a terrible feeling to be in a situation where you know something bad is going to happen and that there is nothing you can do about it...Be strong and remember, YOU ARE RIGHT, SHE IS WONG !!!
Paryers for you, my friend...

He sure dit and all I can say is GOOD FOR HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!

I knew, I just doubted myself. You want to trust your partner so so badly. You want to believe. And the whole time they twist the knife in your heart telling you all the reasons they are unhappy with you. I'm feeling calm. I kind of wish I hadn't alerted my family yet; a bit of panic there. Now a lot of people know about this.

Thankyou for your prayers and thoughts. Thank goodness she is busy this afternoon and leaving me at home with the kids to get myself settled. She's probably out right now getting the room.