NG and NGW:

Remember this is a roller-coaster. The hills will hit when you least expect it. For both of you.

The main thing to remember, is that when they do, you have got to speak honestly about it to each other.

Whether they are triggers, or new information. Just talk about it. Do not sweep it under the rug, that is the road back to where you were.

My M is alot stronger now then it was before. And I am alot closer to BS than I was even before the A started.

Good luck! and hold on!

Hey, Normalguy...

I see you posting around helping others. Good for you!

How are things going in your recovery?

SD

Things are going really well although I realize its really early. We've had a lot of good talks lately that have been very encouraging. We've had a few difficult days too. I have found that on days where I try to hide or suppress my feelings, things tend to go badly but every time I've opened up to NGW and we've talked about things we have been connecting. So I'm trying to recognize when I'm "avoiding" things and try to handle it in a more positive way (she can instantly tell when I'm upset anyway) We both seem to be really working towards a common goal now. We've had productive talks and some fantastic times together in the past couple weeks. Our kids are doing great. It really warms my heart to come home and see everything going so well for the family; I know we're doing the right thing.

There has been no sign of OM. Right now we're trying to decide where/when to move. Well NGW really wants to move so she is decided. I want to also but am hesitant about jumping into a huge new finacial commitment too quickly. On the other hand some of the houses we've been looking at are really tempting me too. So this is a big test of how well we can implement POJA :-)

Thanks for checking in!

Good for you and NGW. I'm glad to see you posting to others. I learned more by regurgitating to others what I was learning, because re-writing it implanted it into my brain.

Remember to keep all the positive changes in YOU as a part of Plan A, in place, because she'll notice if you are "slacking"...I know as it happened to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> LOL

Keep up the good work... and Happy Holidays to you and NGW!!!

SD

I do agree that things are going well. I do my best to let NG know on a daily basis how much I love him and what I am doing to 'protect' myself and him. I know that we're still in the beginning of recovery and am in this for the long haul. I can hardly put into words how I feel about what I've done. I'm still in the process of learning how to love and live with myself again! NG has been so wonderful to me! Yes, we've had some down days but I don't expect things to be perfect! If we talk about things, no matter how painful it is, and not hold it in, things seem to go relatively well. ---- about moving---Right now it's quite difficult leaving and coming home. I usually look out of the window before I leave the house to make sure OM is not there, when I come home I look down the steet before I turn onto it to make sure OM is not there. I'm truly afraid of running into him and I hate having that damn house in my face every day. I know that I made an awful choice that I and my husband have to live with and I will never forget it! I just feel sick and down whenever I'm faced with looking at that house and wondering if I'm going to run into him. I do understand NG's concern, however, and do not want to put anymore stress on him. Thank you, everyone for your encouragement. I plan on helping us make this marriage better than ever!

The stars are in great alignment for the both of you, bacause you are now working towards a common goal. NGW, you are to be commended greatly, because so many WS's have to be cajoled and dragged kicking and screaming into the recovery process.

When a WS has an "aha" moment like you have had, and immediately feel the remorse and shame for where your life lead, and begin to make the necessary changes to build, rather than destroy, your marriage, it is a great thing.

I don't know if you have read many other threads here, but there are a lot of FWS's who still feel the entitlement, the pull of the addiction, and who were so totally fogged out by the affair, they are having a horrible time finding their way back to the marriage.

My FWW was one who resisted the submission to the marriage every step of the way. I do hope normalguy realizes that he is in a fairly unique position having you who has turned around as "quickly" as you have.

May your holidays be spent building memories for years to come. Cudos to you both.

Best wishes,
SD

Normal(s)

Guy I just wanted to stop in and say happy holidays. I see things are starting to go as well as can be expected!!! That is good. I am very happy for you.

Wife good for you too. Guy is a wonderful person and deserves to be treated as such. I see you are seeing that too.

Sometimes we look far and wide for something that is right under our noses.

I wish you well in your recovery and have a happy holidays.

Why not an update from the normals... The holidays were great. NGW got me a christmas present I will always remember: a new wedding ring. There are still bad days here and there but it was a very good christmas.

We decided to sell our house and move and spend the vacation packing and cleaning the house. We put some money down to reserve a house we wanted and now just need someone to buy ours. soon!

I still feel stunned when I think about the past two years, kind of like the dust is *still* settling. But I feel optimistic and positive about the future. We are both treating each other very well and I can feel the connection between us growing again. One day at a time!

Wonderful news...if you feel up to it there's a couple of guys here that could use some of your experience, if you want to share your story.

chicagodad is one and betreayedHB is the other one. Both are fighting to hang in there while trying to get through withdrawal.

Any words of wisdom you might have for either of them would be appreciated.

Keep up the good work!

Best wishes,
SD

Hi all, just wanted to say that 3 months have gone by now and my wife and I are continuing to recover. MB counselling is helping a lot, please consider talking to someone if you find your marriage in trouble.

Good news NG and NGW! Keep up the fight!

4 NC months now but OM's truck was home last night (OM is a neighbor) and was still there this morning. I had hoped he was gone for good and the sight of his truck is a real downer. This has thrown both of us off a bit but we are working together on what to do and not fighting or taking it out on each other. It makes me ill to think I'm going to see his face one of these days; I just don't know how to handle it. My wife is thinking of things she can do to stay out of the house during the day now since she is a SAHM.

Our "exit plan" is to sell our house and move at the end of April but our house hasn't gotten any offers yet (very low price too).

Bump
Here is your first thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=133530&Number=1646618#Post1646618