my husband and i just got married about 6 weeks ago. we met in january of this year and had planned on getting married in 2007. i found out i was pregnant in july, and we got married in october. we have very good communication with one another and love each other very much, but the pregnancy and rather quick marriage has changed the dynamic of the relationship. sometimes it feels like we're not connecting as well as we did before the marriage.

we're both experiencing pretty major shell shock and i'm concerned that this will inevitably drive a wedge between us. i keep telling myself it will take time to adjust to all of the major upheavels, but i'm not sure if that's the right way to think.

any suggestions on reconnecting? will it just take time, or is there something we can do to help restabilize things? i appreciate any help!!

I recommend Dr. Ellen's www.lightyourfire.com materials.

Sounds like you've gone through some big changes. Maybe you can re-connect by taking time for yourselves and then getting together and talking. Some guidance would almost certainly help. Church, pro-marriage counselor (careful there to find someone who won't increase the gap between you), informational materials like books and CD's...all those things can help a lot.

Best,
D--

all i can say is that i TRULY wish you the best... my ex and i met in jan of 96, were engaged in april, married in sept and i was pregnant by october all of 96!

for us, that speed and us not really knowing eachother well at all did not work.

i say get on this stuff NOW, find a good pro marriage counselor as was advised and work TOGETHER on this. my ex and i did not do those things and years later we turned into a huge resentful mess.

mlhb

The hardest thing, for me, about Marriage Counseling and marital help, is being the only one in the marriage who really seems to do, plan, organize such things. Maybe at an earlier stage, if you can work something out where both of you commit to healing and improving the marriage together (with each of you taking part in the efforts), that could help.

Best,
D--

Isn't it funny how some people say a child will draw a couple together?? How far from the truth!
My husband and I had a child a couple of weeks before our first wedding anniversary...and we'd only been together for 2 years. It can put some huge pressures on as you are no longer able to spend much or any time together.
My advice...do everything you can to keep on spending regular time together. If you can gain intimacy from discussing future family plans, even better! Read some books on marriage enriching. Do your part, even if he doesn't seem interested in it.
All the best!

Being a newly wed and then being thrusted into a life of caring for a new child when you are just learning how to adapt to married life is hard. I myself and having problems, but mine aparently go much deeper than your.

It seems like you have a healthy marrige, from your post. I have noticed there are some men who become "in love" all over again with their pregnant wives and there are some men who just do not get it there is a child inside of there until labor day.

The latter was my hubby. One of his prime complaints was EVERYTHING i said had to do with the baby. If this is also you, maybe you could just talk to him about the really important matters and leave the rest to the side.

Start making a habit of going to the beach, park, or something else you both like to do or would like to do together, once a week, once a month. Remember after the baby comes he might also get jelous b/c the baby will get all of your attention and vice versa.

I think some of this may be what has initiated some of our probs- we never took the "romantic getaways" when we could. Do not nag about it (my next problem), just mention a weekend together- if money is tight then just a day spent somewhere.

These activities will allow you and him to have fun together which in turn will add a little more luster and spark to the relationship.

Also, do not get down on yourself about weight gain if you experience it. You are pregnant and there are many ways you can indulge yourself and feel supersexy.

I would take warm baths everynight loaded with bubbles. I would apply cocoa butter on my tummy, bottom, and thighs every change I got ( and I would do this with my hubby in the room adding a little sex appeal to the process).

There are these wonderful baby doll tops (see thru and not see thru) that have a slit going from the middle of the bottom of the breast and the top ends right above you pelvic bone. Buy at least one of these, just putting on something sexy will make you feel wonderful, and they are incredibly flattering.

Also, I loved wearing my husbands long sleeved dress shirts- super sexy when you have the preggo bump!

It is easy to move the focus from you and he to baby when you are pregnant, but relish in the you and he now. There is plenty of time to focus on baby after baby comes.

Also, since he seems willing try out marrige counceling. It will help you and him with the tools to remain in a successful marrige even when things get stressful- I wish I had done these things before I ended up where I am at now.