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[quote}You need to give him more than that. "I'm really proud of you. It took a lot to do that." Done and done. Copied, pasted, sent. [/quote] No more, though. This is a first step, remember.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Great FIRST STEP! Give him a pat on the back. When will you be going to Alanon? Tomorrow. Tonight we will talk about his meeting & hopefully about which he'll go to next. Then, I'm to babysit a friend's baby! He knows about Alanon too & given MY ISSUES prior to this incident, you best believe he's going to hold me to it. DF, he responded to (your) last text, "Yea it did" I'm feeling optimistic for the FIRST time.
LIFE IS GOOD
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No more, though. This is a first step, remember. Yes ma'am!
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Julie,
Congratulations. I have been lurking your post a bit and praying for both of you.
You are learning what love is a verb means. And so is your H by your example.
I want to chime in with another recommendation for Alanon for you.
There is plenty of alcoholism and drug abuse in my FOO, and Alanon has been a lifesaver for me.
Meetings, both Alanon and AA, can have their own personality. I was lucky and was taken to my first Alanon meeting by a friend from work and I and felt right at home (for the first time in soooo many years.) I have since attended different meetings and each is like a different person.
Don’t be disappointed if you don’t feel comfortable at first. Give it some time. And you might try more than one meeting.
Keep going back, it works!
With prayers,
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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Hey Aphelion, thank you for the prayers and the encouragement. I sure do feel blessed in finding my way back here and then to have you all help me out when I thought the M was over.
This is going to be tough, no doubt, but maybe for once in 10 years H & I can stand strong together, for each other, and come out ahead. The thought of this gives me chills.
I'll go to Alanon. I'll go.
I have a question about AA though, hopefully somebody who's been to a meeting can chime in: what is "open" VS "closed" meetings? I don't know how to decipher from the directory on the website, and have no way of knowing right now which H went to this morning. OR, for that matter, which he SHOULD be going to...
LIFE IS GOOD
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Open= ANYONE can go (spouses of the alcoholic)
Closed= Alcoholics only
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There are also meetings for men only, and for women only. And for teens.
One of my brothers just received his 20 year AA coin. He celebrates his AA birthday more than his actual birthday. And this is a guy who went kicking and screaming from living on the street to his first AA meeting while in treatment.
It can be done.
BTW, your H will hear "ninety days, ninety meetings." They mean it.
With prayers,
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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"OR, for that matter, which he SHOULD be going to..."
You will learn all about loving detachment, and you may as well start right now. His recovery is his recovery.
With prayers,
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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You will learn all about loving detachment, and you may as well start right now. His recovery is his recovery. Huh? I don't follow. Well, I came home & genuinely smiled at him. There sat a man I am proud of. He said the meeting was "just like in the movies" where everyone introduced & told a story. I was proud to hear he shared his story. A guy named Bruno has a son who calls him "Bruno", a girl who's 21 got hooked in college & spends every waking hour thinking about how she can get drunk, one guy blacked out 100 times in 10 months, etc. I figured he'd sit in the back & say nothing. He said a couple times he felt stupid, because these people there WERE "drunks" and seemingly far worse off than him. So far I didn't press the issue of going back but I'll re-visit this again tonight. We've got some locations here that hold meetings for both of us. That's the update for now!!
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He said a couple times he felt stupid, because these people there WERE "drunks" and seemingly far worse off than him. Well, of course, becuse "those people" are "real alcoholics." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Wait until he sits next to his first nun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Virtually every alcoholic that comes through the door does not believe he is "that bad" and that everyone else there are the "real" drunks. He is comparing himself to others but since he is still half in denial and still fogged out he can't see yet how bad he really is. But his reaction to the others is CLASSIC. Please don't be too proud, though, he just went to one meeting. He hasn't even begun yet. You are on the right track, though! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Go over the meeting schedule with him and plan to go to the meeting places that have meetings for both of you. Tell him which ones you will be attending and ask him to come to the AA meeting at the same time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He said a couple times he felt stupid, because these people there WERE "drunks" and seemingly far worse off than him. So far I didn't press the issue of going back but I'll re-visit this again tonight. We've got some locations here that hold meetings for both of us. That's the update for now!! Oh.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I hope that Mel comes along and offers some insight. This comment makes me think that he isn't quite "there" yet. I hope that I am mistaken. Stay vigilant on your boundaries. committed
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He said a couple times he felt stupid, because these people there WERE "drunks" and seemingly far worse off than him. hehe, and he is there because he was singing too loud in church, right? bwahahaaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I hope that Mel comes along and offers some insight. This comment makes me think that he isn't quite "there" yet.
I hope that I am mistaken.
Stay vigilant on your boundaries.
committed Hey, no frowning in my thread! It's been a long, tough week and I'm not sure if you know anybody who's gung-ho about going to an AA meeting, sitting down next to "REAL" drunks, and surrendering to the program all in one/the first day. Today was a victory in that he went. Additionally, I intend to stay vigilant - I HAVE to. Lastly, Mel has been here w/me since Sunday offering insight... hehe, and he is there because he was singing too loud in church, right? bwahahaaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> YOU SEE?!?! There she is now! Victory #2 today: I just overheard him on the phone in another room w/a "friend" who was likely inviting him/us out for drinks this weekend. He said no. Silence, pause..."No, I'm giving that up" Tomorrow is a new day and standing my ground is not going to be easy. BUT...my kids have their dad home, my marriage is still intact, and I'm learning forgiveness. This is the BEGINNING of something truly wonderful.
LIFE IS GOOD
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> God Bless the poor man. HE is scared to death!
Julie, he will probably be moody and bored this weekend if most of your social life/activities usually revolves around drinking. I would try and plan something for the whole family this weekend, such as going in the country and chopping down a Xmas tree, something that is a lot of fun. He will probably be CRANKY and irritable, so just expect that for a while.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No Frowning!!
Gotcha...it's a new day.
committed
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and if he has gone "on the wagon" ... be prepared tp observe him eating sugary things like you've never seen before
my H went through icecream like they were going to discontinue making it any day now
LOL
that lasted about a month ... if memory serves
my H has been sober 11 years this Dec 27th
Pep
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What happy news!! When you go to Alanon, try several meetings. There will be a group that you will click with. Same with AA. I sent my step-daughter to AA, and she didn't like it. She is 26, and there were a bunch of older people there. She switched to one that had young folks, and was happy.
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Bump.....Julie or Melody, do you have an update? Is AA and Alanon working?
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