I had no luck with eharmony either and that was 2 years ago. Perhaps we are so wonderfully unique that our type won't use eharmony.

Smart woman! There is no winning in this case LT. I want the man to want me, for me, and not fight with another for the guy. Sounds like he needs to go back to HS.
Let's just say, these are steps on the ladder, to get you to the one you belong with. Showing you the signs to watch for and beware next time.

I had zero luck with eHarmony. Think I mentioned it before. I put in the whole US and still had only about 6 matches. There is something really wrong there. I'm far from perfect, but 6? I'm with Newly, we must be truly unique!

The cleanse sounds interesting. Make sure you tell us about it afterwards.

K!

Update for the day.....

I just don't get men.
I went to lunch with a group of friends today.
This town gets smaller by the day.
My heart only temp. stopped when a close friend told me "5" was there. What I don't get is....[we were in sep. dining rooms] As he walked past while leaving, he stopped and looked straight at me, and gave me that darn heart stopping smile.
Now, why. I go on about my business, why the heck did he make a point of stopping. Again, I'm not looking for an answer, I just don't understand. [and yes, according to this friend, she had recently spoke to him and he's still with gf]

K.

He stopped because you are a wonderful person and he enjoyed seeing you.

I agree, we're all "wonderfully unique", LOL, but as for eharmony, it doesn't make sense. The last time I joined, just last Spring, I only put in a 200 mile radius (I live in the boonies so I didn't want to make it too limited) and I got about 20 matches in a couple of months. This time it's been 3 months and not one match in the WHOLE WORLD. I've written to them about it a couple of times, the last time I said I wasn't going to rejoin if I hadn't gotten even one match in 3 months. I haven't even gotten an acknowledgement of my question!


I agree with newly... you are a wonderful person! You and I are the road not taken for 5 and 11. They made a choice, but it doesn't mean they weren't still interested. Next time, I want the man to want me, for me, too. I'm definitely not interested in fighting over him with another woman - too reminiscent of XH's A.

Sweet Newly, and thanks!
He had an unspoken side to him. It will remain an unanswered thought/question.

I think you may be on to something LT.
That could very well be it. Have you ever heard the song,
"What Hurts The Most", by Rascal Flatts? I'd say it's fitting in both our cases.

I think I would need to let my membership to eHarmony expire. Have you tried any of the others? I'm not promoting them, but, you may have a better shot. eH is a scam I swear.

K.

Ladies, think about how many 'roads not taken' we bypassed in our dating life. There were likely many wonderful men we "wrote off" probably because they were too nice.
Let's challenge ourselves to look differently than we have before. And like the tag line from Hill St. Blues
"Let's be careful out there".

K, I had to go look up the lyrics to that song. You're right...

And, newly, it's true, there have been a lot of roads not taken.


I like that... 11 seemed like one of those guys to me. He reminded me of guys I've met over the years who I hit it off with but for some reason didn't date. Oh well, in this case, I was ready but he wasn't.

I was talking to a friend this morning who's just starting to date a guy she dated a few years ago but ended it because he was separated from his W who cheated on him, but he was still spending a lot of time with her and their grown kids. He's still separated now, years later, but she's taking another chance... She was talking about taking it slowly and I realized that there's really nothing we can do once we start to fall for them to make it any less painful when it doesn't work out. That's one of the hardest things about being single - knowing that the excitement of infatuation either leads to true love and commitment or, more often it seems, to heartache and battered egos. So now I can avoid any man who's too recently out of a relationship, but there are still no guarantees.

I can think of one right now Newly. I bet he would have been a keeper, but........

So, I agree, a challenge is a good thing. Does that go for the shorter than ourselves guys too?



No, there are not LT. It's a leap of Faith. Sometimes I wonder if I have it or not.

K.

And on that challenge, I googled some really nice guys I've met through the years just to see.
One is a married and is a priest (I met him at a seminary), another coaches his daughter's soccer team and another is his alumni coordinator, and all live far away.
It's amazing how much you can find out on google. I learned my sister ran a 5K - and she's not really the athletic type (at all). I haven't asked her about that yet.
If anyone wanted to find me, it's really easy because I use both my maiden and married name for business, and my work phone number is all over the internet.

Some days we do and some days we don't.

This conversation has gotten me thinking more about Mr. 11 but also about my relationship experiences in general. I had an interesting insight this morning while talking to my partner with whom I'm doing "the work" of Byron Katie (of the New Years Cleanse). I realized I believe that I'm not good enough for a man who's good enough for me. I don't feel good enough for Mr. 11 because he dumped me and I compare myself to his W. Unfortunately, most of what I know about her is all the reasons he told me he'd never get back together with her! It's like comparing myself to XH's MOW, which had even worse connotations.

On the other hand, when a guy does choose me, I figure he must not be good enough! I start looking for what's wrong with him and trying to change it. My negative thoughts about him are projections of my negative thoughts about myself. I feel guilty and try to hide my negative thoughts, so I'm also dishonest with him.

Ultimately, loving myself enough would be the most loving thing I could do for other people as well as myself. If I loved myself enough, I would be less fearful and have more faith in myself. I'd also have more faith that God is providing me with exactly what I need at every moment.

Google is a pretty good tool Newly, I agree. Kind of scarey too isn't it?


Good LT, good stuff. Loving and being content with ones self is the best that we can offer another and ourselves.
I don't think you're that unique in this one though. I think you are joined by many. I don't think the numbers can be that high, of people that are truly content with themselves and love themself enough. In a genuine way anyway.
As far as picking a guy apart. I'd say I'm guilty. If they like me, then I've got to got to go thru everything...the looks, the personality, the traits, mannerisms, etc...
I don't want any thing that annoys me. I've come to the sorry conclusion, that I'm too darn picky! And I can't blame anyone but myself. But then I can say, I did have the Mr. 5 experience, and he hit everything off the charts, in a good way. To top it off, he picked me, well, he dumped me too, but that's the other story. So, bottom line, I think for both of us. We can and are able to feel these positive feelings. We just need to watch for women in the wings and until we have that info, not let our hearts loose!

K.

Same here - In our last conversation before Mr. 11 got back with XGF/W, he related his last conversation/fight with her in which he'd finally told her about me and told her that he'd pursued me - I think to make her jealous since she'd pursued him for 2 years during which time they were friends and he'd dated other people before they actually got together.

All I can say is I think both of them also share my issue about not loving themselves enough, LOL!

I think it's important to be discerning, not to sell ourselves short. But for me, the lack of self-love shows up even when I really like someone, if they also like me, I'll start looking for what's wrong with them. Wasn't it W.C. Fields who said he'd never want to join a club that would have him as a member? It's something like that! And definitely no more guys with other women waiting in the wings!

Hi Karona, *how you doin'?*. So what brings you to the bread aisle? Sandwiches? Nice. Would you like to catch a movie sometime?

How was that Karona? Feel noticed? Don't tell mlhb.

Good luck, dear.

Doin' pretty well there gekko! You? Good to see you around again.

I don't know what I'm thinkin'. When I do these things [sites] I always get snapped back to reality real quick.

Sweet for the movie offer, you're such sincere guy. But, as I just told the ladies, no men with women in the wings. You included gekko!

Have a Merry Christmas if you don't come back until afterwards.
K!

So ladies, what is the weekend challenge?
I had a friend google her exes, and she found one was a pawn broker in florida. You can find out alot on google.

Nice guys, we are ready for you.

I have my girls the next two weekends. My challenge will have to wait until the new year I'm afraid. I'm headed to my moms for Christmas, leaving Christmas Eve.
After that, only nice guys need apply! I hope I'm ready for the challenge. I will admit, it scares me!
You know, this "challenge" could be a good thing.
This may be the shot of courage I need to be more aggressive. Huh....never thought of it!

K

That's a positive way to look at it!

I'm giving my company Christmas party tonight. I'm feeling kind of yucky from a lingering cold and I'm basically a shy person, even with my employees, but I have to get up and make announcements and give a couple of awards. One of my employees, who's also mutual friend with Mr. 11, is playing music (Mr. 11 would've been playing, too) for the party with a band including his wife singing.

For Christmas, I'll be with my niece (actually XH's niece, for whom we were legal guardians) and her family. I already did all my shopping for them when I was with her at Thanksgiving and we hit the "black Friday" sales the day after. Then I'll be home for one day and leave for my New Years Cleanse.

I'm looking forward to all of it and I'm going to try to keep my Higher Power/God with me in my head instead of Mr. 11 or fears about my relationship future.

Anyone have anything going on?

I have no social life, so I need to hear from others.

For me, only thing happening is trying to get my oldest better. She's had the flu since wee early hours Sunday.
We need to get a more exciting life Newly.

Let's work on the challenge!

K.