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so, you think it might be better for you to live apart so your growing kids can see your wife having an affair and you doing nothing to stop it?
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Personally, I think your kids would be better off knowing that mom is doing something inappropriate and something that is a SIN and that Dad is doing all he can do to break it up and keep the family intact.
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How old are the kids?
I really think you need to tell them what is going on in an age appropriate manner.
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DM, you will be fine, you are doing the right thing in going back home to lead your family out of this. Don't let her parents reaction sway you from your mission. will be back after my nail appt. BE STRONG!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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so, you think it might be better for you to live apart so your growing kids can see your wife having an affair and you doing nothing to stop it? She is not blatantly having an affair so the kids do not know. But she may in the future.
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so, why do they think you are out of the house?
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Personally, I think your kids would be better off knowing that mom is doing something inappropriate and something that is a SIN and that Dad is doing all he can do to break it up and keep the family intact. Are you saying by telling them? This is where she could then say to them well you know your dad had an affair as weel with my best friend. I am kind of am torn by that but I did not look for it. But it is still an affair that I had.
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so, why do they think you are out of the house? Because mom told them we were having a fight and that I may gone for a while.
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you could sit them down and tell them that in the past, you and mom did some things that were not in God's plan for your lives. Tell them that you have repented of that and have tried to follow God.
Tell them that mom is now involved in a relationship that is damaging your family since God has said that a marriage is made up of two people and since now there is a 3rd one, it is not what God intended.
Tell them that Mom has a boyfriend and that we all know that married people should not have boyfriends.
Your 13 year old will probably be able to understand even more.
Tell them that you want your family to be whole again with one mom and one dad and 3 great kids. Tell them that you are working very hard to see that happen.
You need to tell them before she spins stories about you.
Be truthful.
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you could sit them down and tell them that in the past, you and mom did some things that were not in God's plan for your lives. Tell them that you have repented of that and have tried to follow God.
Tell them that mom is now involved in a relationship that is damaging your family since God has said that a marriage is made up of two people and since now there is a 3rd one, it is not what God intended.
Tell them that Mom has a boyfriend and that we all know that married people should not have boyfriends.
Your 13 year old will probably be able to understand even more.
Tell them that you want your family to be whole again with one mom and one dad and 3 great kids. Tell them that you are working very hard to see that happen.
You need to tell them before she spins stories about you.
Be truthful. Hmmm. I am really hesitant to do that right now. I feel like I am trying to do too much at once right now and the kids situation is really a delicate one that I need to be sure that is the right thing to tell them.
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by delaying you allow her every oppoertunity to use your concern for the children against you. By you not telling them the truth, she can spin what ever lies she wants to spin about you.
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Yes but when it omes to the children do we not think it is better to get some professional counsel on it? I don't want to do something that is permanently damaging to them. I don't want to have the take sides either. I also don't want to speak badly about their mother to them as well. I don't think she has said anything bad about me to them.
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what is bad about telling them the truth- there was not one thing that I posted that was 'bad' about their mother,
Dr. Harley recommends telling the children.
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DM, I agree that the kids might have be told someday, but first things first. Go home first and deal with what is on your plate now. You will be just fine.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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so, why do they think you are out of the house? Because mom told them we were having a fight and that I may gone for a while. Children are not gullible as parents think and my own son told me when he was 6 years old: 'mom, kids do not like to be lied to.' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Profound. You need to speak to your children and get their thoughts on what is happening. Answer their questions and reassure them of your support. A WS will lie even to their children if it enables the A. Children know. Do not betray your children's trust. That is not how t/b a good parent and that does not protect them. Instead it may make them feel insecure and unloved. L.
Last edited by Orchid; 12/09/06 05:02 PM.
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hey y'all, you know I am all for telling kids about affairs, but this is not just an affair. This is a swingers lifestyle that has been practiced by both. That is a whole different breed of cat, if you ask me.
And maybe he should tell them eventually, he needs to explore it down the road. However, he has much greater things on his priority list that need to be done in order to stabilize the situation, such as getting back in his house. I think he needs to take one step at a time and stay focused right now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I guess I was chasing a rabbit on telling him to tell them - just wanted him to know that it was best for the parents to be together despite what his in-laws believe.
I do find it hard to believe that a 13 year old is not suspicious about something when a dad moves out of the house.
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So I am on page 100 of SAA now. Have a question about the current situation. Since my wife won't talk to me or look at me how do I handle that in the household? Do I say things to her like she is there? Do I guess what her EN's are? What if her EN's are conversation but she does not want to have a conversation with me? How do we handle Christmas? Any suggestions?
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