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I think the compulsive quality would put you in a similar mindset to a WS.
Something to remember during recovery/withdrawl...keeps you on your toes and your expectations realistic.
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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hey...where did my post go? I swear I did it!
Well anyway.
RE-DO the ROSES!
And its the perfect opportunity for some kind of "second try" or "another chance" message!
I think that was his subtle (not so!) message to you when he said they froze!
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LS: could you come for dinner tonight before DS8's concert? There's something we need to discuss.
WS: what?
LS: you and I both have trips planned in March for the same time frame.
WS: oh. guess I won't go then.
LS: thats not what I am suggesting, but maybe we can come up with a solution. I have a few ideas -- I have to run right now -- can you make it at 5:30? (don't get dragged into discussing right then)
WS: fine
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hey...where did my post go? I swear I did it!
Well anyway.
RE-DO the ROSES!
And its the perfect opportunity for some kind of "second try" or "another chance" message!
I think that was his subtle (not so!) message to you when he said they froze! I like this idea. Can you wrap the roses up in some type of cloth and put them in a cooler...w/ hot water bottles to keep them warm? ~ Marsh
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EXACTLY..when Daze catches up, she may have ideas, though... Hmmm... I will have to think a bit on this. My head is still a little foggy from the virus and now trying to catch up at work!!! Yuck... I will throw out what I did for Valentine's day. That was at a point when FWH was really in conflict with himself. I would say that was reall the height of it actually and looking back now I'm surprised he chose to spend Valentine's day with me and the kids. I've been trying to work up the nerve to ask him why he chose me instead of her that day. (We are still having a hard time talking about all of the details of the A...) I still struggle with whether or not I want to know. Anyway, this isn't about my struggle, back to Lilsis. I typed up a somewhat formal invite on the computer and made it from the kids and I. Invited him to valentines dinner at our house. His favorite meal would be served, etc. It was kind of lighthearted and more family based. I rolled it up and tied it with a ribbon. Can't remember if I hand delivered it to him or put it in his mailbox at work. He did accept, but it wasn't H that showed up. It was WH. Who knows maybe he got reamed by TBSH (Tribal boobed skank ho, was my RT). One thing that I did wrong in the very early stages of plan A was to let him get to me too much. When he would show anger/discomfort towards my plan A efforts I backed off. He would immediately pick up on this and use it against me. For instance... he gave me a card for valentines day. It was the most unloving card I've ever seen. He left it with a bag of chocolates at my office door before I even got to work. I was scared to put myself out there by giving him a mushy card so I gave him a somewhat generic one back. He called me on this later and said "see, your card was just as unloving as mine, you don't really love me". This was at the very start of my official plan A, I obviously had alot to learn! Anyway, eventhough I spent Valentine's evening with a very begrudging WH, he didn't spend the whole time with her. I will try to think of some more plan A stuff I did.
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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LS: could you come for dinner tonight before DS8's concert? There's something we need to discuss.
WS: what?
LS: you and I both have trips planned in March for the same time frame.
WS: oh. guess I won't go then.
LS: thats not what I am suggesting, but maybe we can come up with a solution. I have a few ideas -- I have to run right now -- can you make it at 5:30? (don't get dragged into discussing right then)
WS: fine Lexx: I'm not understanding this... Sis' goal..stepping back right now...for a few days..to let him make steps forward as he has been doing...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Daze: What do you think about Sis' offer to get together with him..and he said.."What do you mean?".. ETA: I probably would have said: "You know what I mean" (blinking my mascaraed eyes coquettishly) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />..but that's me...
Last edited by mimi1254; 02/08/07 01:03 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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Yea..EVASION..I think... I'm not exactly sure what we're talking about BUT that sounds good... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Sorry..
Quote:
What do you think about Sis' offer to get together with him..and he said.."What do you mean?"..
I think he was evading the question.
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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Daze: What do you think about Sis' offer to get together with him..and he said.."What do you mean?".. ETA: I probably would have said: "You know what I mean" (blinking my mascaraed eyes coquettishly) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />..but that's me... I'm with you Mimi, I probably would have made a flirty remark with the bat of my eyelashes and left it at that. Definately see the tides turning!!! Yeah!!! Slow and steady wins the race, just remember that. You will start seeing more and more of these glimpses, but WH will more than likely get more and more nasty trying to fight against it. Just be prepared emotionally, not to scare you but your rollercoaster is picking up speed right now. Just keep being the light and reiterating that you can forgive him, you can have a wonderful marriage. He won't let on, but it is sinking in.
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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Sorry..
Quote:
What do you think about Sis' offer to get together with him..and he said.."What do you mean?"..
I think he was evading the question. He was definately evading but atleast it wasn't a flat out no this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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Well -- the trips overlapping is not something that can be put off. It needs to be discussed. Hopefully his dates are flexible. But if it requires vacation days and supervisor approval then you want to get that handled sooner rather than later. Because Lilsis's trip is NOT flexible or negotiable!
I thought that might be a way to get him over before DS8's concert.
How should Lilsis handle his "presumption" that she'll just going on having the boys anytime he feels like altering his schedule?
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Well -- the trips overlapping is not something that can be put off. It needs to be discussed. Hopefully his dates are flexible. But if it requires vacation days and supervisor approval then you want to get that handled sooner rather than later. Because Lilsis's trip is NOT flexible or negotiable!
I thought that might be a way to get him over before DS8's concert.
How should Lilsis handle his "presumption" that she'll just going on having the boys anytime he feels like altering his schedule? I agree, LilSis needs to go on this trip. Get it out in the open now. Did WH know about LS's trip prior to his making plans?
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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Lexx:
I'm just saying that NOW is not the time after he has made those recent overtures towards her...the phone calls..making reference to the roses, etc....
He wants to look for something to use to get her off track so that he can begin to more blatantly reject her again...
She needs to fill as many ENs and create as many pleasant memories in his mind as possible prior to PLAN B which is imminent...
HE clearly does not HAVE TO GO AT THAT TIME....his schedule seems to be more flexible as he put off the trip already...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Maybe this is an opportunity to request some one-on-one time...."I need to TALK with you about SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT" in a text message.....LET HIM ARRANGE HOW AND WHEN THIS IS DONE...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Lexx:
I'm just saying that NOW is not the time after he has made those recent overtures towards her...the phone calls..making reference to the roses, etc....
He wants to look for something to use to get her off track so that he can begin to more blatantly reject her again...
She needs to fill as many ENs and create as many pleasant memories in his mind as possible prior to PLAN B which is imminent...
HE clearly does not HAVE TO GO AT THAT TIME....his schedule seems to be more flexible as he put off the trip already... Honestly, it could go either way. That's still a month away, alot could happen between now and then. I'm a firm believer in following your gut. I don't think this is something we can guage, it's something LilSis needs to decide for herself. Ultimately, I think she should go. I think it would rejuvenate her, it would give WH a little taste of reality, it would give him some time to "miss" LS, etc. She can still do some plan Aing from there. Picture texts are wonderful. She can send him a postcard, bring him back a souvenir that has some kind of meaning. Now, will WH take the boys around RT? If not, then this is another plus. He's not going to be able to have much RT time while LS is away. If he would take the boys around RT then again, it's a little dose of reality. My FWH said that when he took our kids around TBSH it felt weird and uncomfortable. Ofcourse once I found out that TBSH was NOT JUST A FRIEND (I really was naive!!!!) I put a stop to it and for the most part he respected that, mostly b/c he didn't like how it made him feel not b/c he really respected my feelings at the time. And it also reminds WH that your life will go on without him. They may do a good job of hiding it but they really cannot stand you having a life without them. Again, I will say, LilSis follow your gut on this.
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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I agree with her TRUSTING HER GUT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Small thread-jack- InADaze, can you please explain "tribal boobed?" I know what skank ho means <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ..... I think that tribal boobed is going to be a GREAT adjective <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!!! LilSis- I LOVE that he called you about the house fire (although sorry for the fire and casualties)- it was somehthing he would have done preA, and shows you that you are getting through to him on some level. I agree with holding off on the asking about WH coming over fbefore DS8's concert. He knows what is right. But more than that, it could turn into a big LB fest if you get frustrated enough, and heaven knows you've got enough to be frustrated about! Oh, and I keep meaning to ask you about your pilates class- is it mat pilates or do you use a reformer???
Me FWW 36
BH 50
D-day 1 2/18/06
D-day 2 3/28/06 (same EA)
NC 3/28/06 and going strong
7 total children
Mine/ours live with us
DS 15
DD 12
DD 21 months
"With all it's shams, lies, and broken dreams, life is still wonderful. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
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I'm waiting for the definition of tribal boobs too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Here is my guess though...tribal boobs=National Geographic boobs=SAGGY PENNIES IN A SOCK BOOBS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Am I close Daze??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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