Leaving a mandatory settlement conference(bifurcated trial. D issued 11-2-06) and I got into a very pleasant talk with the ex. Caught up on family and friends that I had not seen in almost 3 years. She became very touchy, gripping my arm etc. Things she had done before all this happened.

After telling me " you know I regret everything that happened", she asked me on a date.Says she misses the way I always treated her with respect and how protective I had always been for her both physically, psychologically and medically. Said all the men she had been seeing were "f#cking pigs".

I avoided answering primarily because I was stunned by her request. After several pleadings, I gave her the best answer that I could muster

" Cyndy , you just can't go back to Kansas"

This occured after receiving several very faith based emails which she titled " To the people that have most influenced my life"

She never ceases to surprise me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So, you're not even halfway tempted to let her come back to Kansas? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Orchid: This is quite telling. What do you REALLY see from this statement? I will share my thoughts after I read yours.


Orchid: I can imagine how it could have thrown you for a loop. Bottom line is that you still have your clear mind and calm heart. Remember her remorse needs to include deep regret clearly putting your interests ahead of hers.

The WS' still think they are smarter than the BS and rest of the world..... amazing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

When a person with a dodgy emotional infrastructure gets religion in a big way...

Cy, it can only be a matter of time before she starts lecturing you about 'how to live your life better and be as happy as she is'.

TA

Cym, this is not the first time your ex has made attempts to re-engage you. What would it take for you to consider her offer...just curious.

Hmmmm. I would ignore it. My divorce was final a day, and ex started calling me incessantly. This is after me hoping and praying for recovery for over 3 years.

Can we say "too little, too late?".............

fiat,

When we were talking for that brief time, yes it would have been easy to imagine giving it a try. But I also know that because of my very deep Plan B, that there are loads of issues that would need to be discussed and that wouldn't be nearly as pleasant.

Orchid, I truly don't know what to make of that statement. Without blowing my own horn, I always took great pride in doing exactly those things.During our M, she often said similar statements , especially just after one of her pressure relieving midnight to 4 am fights that she just had to start every 2-3 weeks.

TA, when we talked there was no mention of the emails. I wanted to see if she would bring it up and how she would explain this sudden reawakening of her faith. On the matter of living my life better, she was never shy about advising me on that exact subject. But she also admitted that her life now was a chaotic mess. There was nothing even remotely said or implied about her being anywhere close to happiness

Hope,

I truly don't know but it would definitely be started by her agreeing to my five points that she had previously rejected AND hearing from anyone else that she admitted to them about what she had done, how she lied about it and how sorry she was. It takes some guts to admit to the person you destroyed how badly you wronged them. It is another point to admit to your group of sycophants that yes, it was me(EX) that needs to take responsibility.

Hmmm, I think the holidays and the legalities have her a bit melancholy. And she, as she often has, is looking for the easy fix: You.

With prayers,

Not 2 mention the lack of clarification of the point Orchid raised.

How many "pigs" has she been dating since you separated?

Still, who knows?

-ol' 2long

swell (or is that swill <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

she sure knows how to hand out the compliment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Cy, you are better than a f'ing pig

.... don't let it go to your head

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Guys,

Just got out of court for the trial over the community property. Quite frankly, I got destroyed. Oh well just money!

In the middle of the trial there was a short break and I don't know what possessed me but I just had to ask my EX a question. I tapped her on the shoulder and asked if I could talk to her in private for just a minute. She looked surprised but agreed immediately.

We went out in the hallway and I said that I just had to ask her one question. I stressed that I was not trying to be mean or a smartass or to make a point.

I said " Cyndy you have been running your own life for nearly three years now. You now have a lot of money, a new house, new BMW and your choice of boyfriends. Has any of those things made you happy? Are you as happy now as you thought you would be three years along in your life?

She got very emotional but to her credit she looked me right in the eyes and said "no"

I excused myself and went back in to the trial. I am sure there are a lot of reasons for my question but I will be d#mned if I could concentrate on anything else except the memory of the look in her eyes and her answer.

I wept all the way home from the courtroom.

Cymanca,

First, I would like to say thank you for checking in on my thread when I intially entered Plan B. I look back now and know that you were very wise in your advice.

I would like to say that you have handled yourself in a way that I hope to grasp over the next few months, and that what is happening to you, currently, with your wife, is what I fear. I, truly, would rather my WH either never ask to be with me again, or ask me to try, but in a way that shows that he has much to do BEFORE I invest myself again. I'm looking for a selfless act that I do not believe will come. My fear is that I will give in to crumbs once more, if he dared to ask to 'see' me again.

I know that my most recent contact with WH sent me in a tailspin, from which I have MOSTLY recovered, so I can see how KNOWING that your WW is unhappy, and that much of this could have been avoided, had she awakened earlier, is a great disappointment.

I wish you clarity and happiness...

Cy:

From reading just about every post you have ever made, I formed an opinion that your ex is about half a mile wide and an inch deep. I am sure that she regrets everything that happened in terms of outcomes for herself.

Intelligent, yes, deep thinker, no. It's only in a Harlequin Romance where "Mr. Excitement" turns out to be something other than a "Pig."


Yep, still all about her.

All the best, Cy.

Larry

Are we allowed to hook people up here? I have a colleague at work who is a project manager, 42, beautiful, fun, lives close, has a beautiful home, and looking for a nice man. She has 2 kids 19 and 16 (almost out the door).

Silent & Lucidity,

Thanks so much for the very kind words. I have tried to post less and less here at MB simply because I felt that I was probably being so repetitious that fellow MB'rs would avoid anything typed by my little hands.

This a such a dirty business but from the outset my goal was to save my M and stay as clean as I could. Did I make mistakes, you betcha. Were any of those mistakes responsible for me being divorced....no way.Did my behavior and following MB principles doom my M as some might suspect..I think not.

I was determined to save my M in a way that these steps would never again be necessary.

Another Plan B success story <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

believer,

You wouldn't be asking if you were in the courtroom today and heard me described by my EX's attorney. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, it is over now, and I'm very sure that you will do just fine.

I'm more concerned about your wife. I really don't think she is going to be happy.

My ex is depressed and suicidal according to his family. Not being an honorable person tends to catch up to you.

believer,

Divorce doesn't magically take away all your feelings for your EX. I had been following your story and I am sure you are accurate in your description and his state of mind.

No, divorce doesn't help at all. Still caring about someone is the price of loving. This is not what I wanted, and it all seems so pointless now. That is what bothers me the most - all of the loss for nothing. And I'm not talking only about myself, but my ex, the OW, her ex, her daughter, our children (8 combined), his family, my family, our friends.......... Well, I know you know what I mean.

But life goes on.