I would like to direct you to kg6blue's post. She is a WW who is currently being 'helped' without 'venom' or malice by anyone responding to her. You will see some turning the mirror on her, and that can be rough, but no one is 'running' her off...

Jokerman, I personally appreciate the thought behind your post, IMO it needs to come up from time to time. The MB forums are amazing but can be somewhat of a free-for-all at times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I wrote this a while back to someone who was also accused of being CinSug. Hope it helps, happy holidays to all!! KB



I have huge issues with this rage and anger and condemnation being directed at people who come here for help. Yes, they may be in a state of error. Most of them say they know that up front "

BlackOpal, I can understand how you feel but hope that you can remember that this forum consists of the general population just like the real world. The ONE thing that most of this population has in common is a personal acquaintance with infidelity, other than that… it’s a mixed bag. I suppose it’s a little like having a customer service job, you get all types.

The purpose of this website is to educate people in achieving the skills necessary to not only to protect and nurture their marriages but also to recover if the marriage has been compromised. Obviously, that message is not always delivered gracefully in the forum portion of the site but that speaks more to the individual poster’s recovery position or personality than the message of MarriageBuilders itself.

Not many of us willingly converse with people we perceive as ill mannered but we all have a choice here. I know it’s hard to respond reasonably to posters who vividly insult you or others and it’s mindboggling to see the same posters later under the umbrella of Christianity but think of it this way… they’re not actually in your life. This is merely a discussion board.

I do personally appreciate the fact that when you saw something that you felt was wrong, you tried to right it, that is a great character quality! Others feel they are doing the same, but may have some poor communication habits to overcome.

In the MB discussion process, people can gain effective communication skills but it takes time, more time for some than others. Responding to those with poor reading/listening skills or outright rudeness with patience and forbearance is difficult but if you can master it in written form, you’ll even reap the benefits in real life.

There are always going to be those who need to learn how to communicate in a way that addresses erroneous thinking or acts but doesn’t tear the individual down as a person. In fact, it may be essential for them to learn this if their own marriage is to thrive let alone survive. MB covers all of this but again…it takes time for people to absorb the information.

It’s a process and if you stick around long enough, you’ll figure out who’s flying by the seat of their pants and who is actually implementing MB concepts in their lives because it shows over time. It’s entirely up to you how you respond to each type but if you read the articles on the site, dig in and study the books His Needs/Her Needs and Surviving an Affair (if applicable) by Dr. Harley, you’ll find it easier to navigate the tricky communication waters here. Funny thing…. if you do stick around long enough, you may be delighted to find some on your ignore list over the years have grown into people that you can admire! Hope you do, (stick around) KB

No wonder ma ears was tinglin! Now yer tryin ta blacken ma kerrikter all over tha board!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Because that one person is not being "run off", does not mean that there is no-one in that boat here.

Agreed, like me being run off the Techie thread by hostile, demanding, name-calling and rude private emails sent to my wife by Techie himself.

Mr. Wondering <------the crushed victim of "un-niceness" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

One point of order, Mr. W.

It was Techie's "unclean" thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

KB
I think most if not all of the "regulars" here have a good heart and are trying to help. I did not want this to be a personal attack on anyone. But there is a trace of venom that runs some off looking for help. Some probably want and seek out a kick in the tush. They will get it here. If that helps...great!

But there is a time for kindness. Yes there is a time for a 2x4, but there is a time for love too. Even if that means loving your enemy. I think a pretty famous Man said that once.

JM,
You ARE correct in your observations.
I not only agree with you but will go one step more.
The "so called" vets not only do exactly what you have observed, but many times are giving the WRONG advice.

They are in a "fog" of their own. I have been lurking around on here for more years than most. I have seen these "so called" veterans time and again give BAD advice.
They hide behind the "Harley" mentality as if they are his spokesman or spokeswoman and that all advice they ("so called vets") give is the same thing as coming from Harley himself, when it IS NOT. (I call it the Harley fog for vets)

********mentions numberous times in his replies to you that "we" __________ (fill in blank).??? This is more of the "group think" that you are talking about. Does****** speak for the "group think"? Who are "we" that he is talking about?
He surely ISN"T speaking for me because I can speak for myself.

As you are finding out JM, they (so called vets) would prefer that they are the ones who decide when and who gets a 2x4. They just have a hard time receiving a 2x4 from others when it is warranted or needed.

I have seen these "so called" vets give the wrong advice time after time afer time. Your observations are just one of a few others that could be pointed out to these fogged "vets".

JM.. Your post has gone right over many of their heads.
(Just like a fogged WS.....)

P.S. They (group thinkers) won't like my response here either JM <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> They like to give 2x4's, but don't take to kindly in receiving them... Interesting huh?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm interesting I have seen it too. But then again what do I know, Im a newbie? Not in mariagge of course I`ve been married 31 years. Got me to thinking though. If they are sooooooo experienced in marriage and theirs are going great what the heck are they still doing here? Seems to me they would pick MC as a profession.

Thank you for the suggestions.

This topic has been hashed & rehashed numerous times on the forum. In the meanwhile, numerous members are still struggling and in pain , waiting anxiously for some replies to their threads.

Lets get back to marriage building.........