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I agree total NC is the absolute best chance for marital survival. It is the ONLY chance. Not best, but ONLY.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am trying to now. I have tried at different times it's like calls are being screened. His voice only answers on voice mail, and it seems like he is the only one that tries to answer the phone. By the way he (and my WW)work for the local phone company.
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Would she be home? Can you just drive over there? He may have rigged the phone so you can't call her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. here is the thing, Floyd, you will want to get to the OMW ASAP becauae when her H gets wind that you know he will probably do what most waywards do, he will spin a tall tale to her. He will tell her that you are a "jealous, abusive, nutball who believes he is chasing your wife." That way, when you do get through, she won't believe you. So, I would suggest doing it as soon as you can and taking evidence with you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You really need to expose to HR and their supervisors. You could do that today or first thing on Tuesday. For exposure to be very effective you need to do it all lumped together as much as possible.
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I don't know exactly where they live this is a very rural area with posted roads. There are countless little roads. I even looked up there address on a satellite system. It could not be found. I wouldn't even know the lady if I saw her.
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Please listen to this issue of NO CONTACT floydr it is very important. I left my job even after the om left to go to another state because of the associaton the job had with my behaviour. I could not imagine working with the om still there, even if there was actually no contact.
Hopefully both would be so remorseful that each would run a mile from the other, but, thats the problem, "'but'' ... is the risk worth your peace of mind & new m?
Listen to these posters who have experienced the crap from your side, please.
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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I don't know exactly where they live this is a very rural area with posted roads. There are countless little roads. I even looked up there address on a satellite system. It could not be found. I wouldn't even know the lady if I saw her. Hey Floyd, we have had affairs END the day the other BS was told about the affair. Go FIND HER! Drive out there and ask the neighbors. look it up on google earth. http://www.google.com/maps?ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&tab=wl&q=
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Exposure will ruin this affair, Floyd. I would get in my car and drive out to the OM's house and then drive right over to the phone company and ask for a meeting with Human Resources. I assure you the OM has no intention of losing his family over a little piece of side fun and will not want this trouble. His affair can only survive if you continue to keep his secret for him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yahoo maps can give you driving directions... if they live on a real road, it should be findable...
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979 FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003 Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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And in the country where they have Farm to Markets [FM], all the neighbors know who lives where.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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While trying to make phone calls to locate the OM's wife, i've found out that the OM has done this many times before, like he is a sexual predator or something. The bad part is I have found someone who my WW has confided in and WW knows all about OM being a real woman's man. She is going to try to change him through this. How messed up is this thing going to be?
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He has been able to get away with having his affairs because people have kept his secret for him. Evil thrives when good men stand silent. This is one of the reasons why exposure is SO EFFECTIVE.
I should also point out that he did not have these affairs ALONE. The women he screwed around with are just as culpable and were not victims. They were VOLUNTEERS just like him.
Were you able to find the OMW?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Not yet, but I did find out that she has a job and where she works. Now I will be calling her place of business starting immediately.
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Good man! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Let her know, that you are a loving husband, and very concerned about your marriage because you have proof (be prepared to share whatever proof you have) that an affair is going on, and you are simply asking for her help in bringing an end to the affair.
With both you and her watching, it will be much more difficult for the infidels to find time together, and the OM will have to deal with the OM's wrath. How pleasant will his life be then? LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Keep posting, reading and learning. Your marriage seems pretty salvagable from what you've told us so far. Think positive!
Best wishes, SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979 FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003 Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Update. The Senior Pastor and his wife came and met with me and WW this morning. It hit her out of the blue. She didn't know they were coming until 30 min before they arrived so there was no time to make plans. She took full responsibility, and there was some major repentance. The entire church will be told tomorrow so everything is definetely out in the open. WW is even out confessing to some friends beforehand what she has done so it will not shock them tomorrow. She is fighting some major depression and tears now and she should. At least right now her hard heart has softened. I know we have a long process in front of us than can take years to complete. But now there is no secrecy whatsoever and everything has changed.
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Remember that she is a CRACK ADDICT! This battle will not be so easily won. She will still want to get her fix and there will be a temptation to take this further underground. You need to make sure that boundaries are in place to prevent her from getting her fix, and realize that you still have a long way to go. Reality has struck a damaging blow to the A, but it is NOT over. NC has to established and maintained. If she has contact with OM through work, there will be no reconciliation.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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There is no doubt. I totally agree, all the rules are now changed against her. From this day forward there is a "ZERO TOLERANCE" against any form of contact whatever. I will make sure she will not WORK within miles of this guy. He is also going to know he will be closely watched, not just by me but by others. Because of his "other affairs" in other places are also being exposed to his BS as well, others in the community will be watching him like a hawk. It is refreshing to me that there are others here in the area that will be watching, and he will keep his nose clean or else. He doesn't relize the mountain of evidence against him that he will not even know about. I will gladly let him know about some things that willrock his world. But I will not show him my "ACES" unless I really need to in the future. It was personal to the "nth" degree before. But even more so now since I've found out his history. I had police training before I changed professions and have several friends and aquaintances active from the local to federal level, and have been told they will help me in any way necessary. I can't tell you how good that makes me feel. But thanks be to God for bringing everything into the light.
Last edited by floydray; 12/30/06 02:34 PM.
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Now you understand why EXPOSURE is the greatest weapon against an affair. Especially if the person who is committing the A would normally be extremely opposed to such behavior, and their support group is opposed as well.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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