You can't. Her indifference and the fact that he lives upstairs make this impossible. At this point she could bring him in the apartment with you there and really, as she said... what are you going to do about it?

In reality do you really want an immature woman that would treat you like this... degrade herself with a druggie ex-con...and tell you that YOU don't matter in your life any longer. If you had kids with her, I would suggest a bigger fight... but you don't and NEVER should.

She's f-ing him with impunity now and frankly is shoving this whole thing in his face. I think the problem that needs to be addressed here is why try and save a marriage to this type of person. She isn't worth it.

Put GPS in her car, and follow her when she goes out. Verify whether or not she was with a friend or OM. If she isn't with OM then this M can be saved. If she just goes out with OM, then do as MEDC says. I would verify that they are still continuing the A before I moved out.

Personally, I agree with the question on why someone would want to stay with this kind of person. But that's NOT the base question or support plan for this forum. The idea is how can he save the marriage...not whether or not he should.

That's up to DF to decide.

If he wants to save his marriage, he needs to stay. He needs to work plan A, just like is recommended in all these cases.

If he wants to end his marriage, your advice to move out would be exactly what I'd recommend.

I think she has admitted that she is still seeing him.

Owl... your words are noted... I stand by my view though. As I said... not every M is worth saving... even to the esteemed Dr. H.

Where can I get a GPS tracking system from?

I am going to go get a few voice activated digital recorders and place them in strategic locations (car, bedroom and office).

I think you can get them at Circuit City, Best Buy, or Radio Shack.

If she is admitting contact... why do we need to confirm it????

Dog,

Which way do you want to go?

You pick the way and then we will know how best to help you.

Have you called for an apt. with Steve H yet? He would know best

Those things should come AFTER she's gone NC and the OM is not around to verify this. As long as this is blatant, why waste your now very needed $$$$???

It is my opinion that you are in a hornets nest and you can't control it, and you are trying. Exposure has done NOTHING for your siuation, and it looks like it won't matter based on WW actions and lack of communication. She knows she's wrong, but continues.

I feel for you, but ultimately you now need to sh*t or get off the pot.

I don't recall reading anything about confirmed contact between his WW and OM since he confronted OM except for a couple of TMs. Am I wrong?

No visual conformation and she hasn't told me they have seen each other. Just suspicious stuff, like both the cars will be gone, but then are back within minutes of each other. OTOH, he has always just came and go at whatever times after he gets back from work.

She came home just a little while ago. She was more relaxed and comfortable around me than she has been since I came back. We talked about her day at work, which went well. She was just promoted and is doing a good job in her new tasks. She then went on to ask how I was doing and what my plans are for the day. She even brought up my best friend's (my best man) father, who was sick in the hospital and then asked about my father, who had surgery about a month ago.

I lit some scented oils (her favorite) before she came home and she commented on the apartment smelling good and thanked me for doing laundry and cleaning the cat boxes.

Since I have come back, this was the most noremal she has behaved towards me. Didn't move away when I came close, didn't use the table or kitchen counter to seperate us, etc...let me light her cigarette and didn't move back like she has been doing. Weird weird weird.

Made a little comment about this morning when she got ready for work (at 3am). She came and used the shower, and it sort of woke me up, but not all the way. I moaned, in that sleepy way, "I love you" (it just came out) but do not remember if I got any response (I know I didn't). She asked if she woke me when she got ready.

The statement she made was confirmation. She didn't say I am not seeing him... she said I will do what I want!

I want to try and aave this. I know, I know...the immaturity level she has been showing is beyond belief. In the past, it was never like this. She acted like an adult should act (with the exception of cleaning the house). She has, for the most part, aways made good decision, etc...

Haven't called yet, but will. I was trying to make up my mind.

I will have to bow out here. I will wish you luk and hope others here can help you get what you want. I don't see a chance to save this and any advice I give on doing so would be less than genuine. I leave you in good hands. Good luck

Thank you for your help, MEDC. I understand what you are saying and if it doesn't look like it will work, than I will take your advice. I need to try, though. I didn't marry her to divorce her, I married her to spend the rest of my life with her. I need to try.

I called and left a message to make an appointment with SH.

And THAT is the best step you could take to save your marriage in this case! Smart move.

Thank you. I was stupid to wait this long. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />